To Know and Be Known

One of my deepest desires in my relationships, be it my marriage, friendships, or relationships with family, is to know others and be known. Deeply. Authentically. And really, I believe all of us deeply desire for someone to really know us... to really understand. We know that is possible through a relationship with God; in fact, scripture tells us in Luke 12:6-7 "Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God.Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows" (emphasis mine). Psalm 139 is filled with a beautiful picture of how deeply the Lord knows us... each of us, who He has uniquely created. Yet I know that it is the heart of so many, particularly many women, who deeply desire to be in relationship with others here on Earth in a way in which we are also deeply known.

Being "known" in our immediate family has had some really interesting, and heart-warming developments. I've shared before about how it is our desire that Eliana always understand that Isaac is her brother... that from the start, he is part of her schema of who are family is. Lately, when Ellie gets up from her naps, she'll point to the picture of Isaac on the shelf in her room and squeal with delight. As we walk downstairs to the playroom, we'll often stop to look at all of the framed photos that we have hung on the wall. We point to Mommy, to Daddy, Auntie Kate, and to others. When we ask her, "Ellie... where is the picture of your brother Isaac?" She points to him. Immediately. She knows.

Most touching, though, is how Eliana will walk over to the bookshelf in the living room and pull Isaac's photo album out and bring it over to us. I'll sit her in my lap, and look through the pictures with her, carefully narrating each one. This past week, she started to lean over and interact with the pictures. Whether it is pointing to something in the picture and asking " This?" (her way of asking "What is this?"), putting her cheek against Isaac's picture and saying "Awwww.....", or bending over and giving his picture a kiss, it is clear that she now only knows who Isaac is, but that she knows that he is someone worthy of her affection. He is known.

My heart swells. With joy, with sadness that Ellie won't get to meet Isaac on this side of Heaven, and with gratitude for God's faithfulness in allowing Isaac's life to continue to hold a prominent place in the tapestry of our family as Eliana continues to grow and learn. I am so grateful that our sweet little one year old understands who Isaac is, even if it's in the most simplest of ways.

Birthdays, Decisions, and other Family Happenings

As I'm sure you can imagine, this few weeks preparing for, hosting, and cleaning up after Eliana's birthday party have been nothing short of busy. It was such a joy to be able to plan and prepare for her birthday party... to have a house stuffed to the gills with family and friends... to watch her shove cake in her tiny little mouth and fling it all over the place... to catch up with out of town family... and to celebrate our little girl who is growing up much faster than I would like. Regretably, I don't have a ton of pictures of my own from our sweet girl's party, but am waiting on pictures that others have taken. I'll get a few of those up when I receive them.

Big decisions are being made in our house... most notably, Spencer and I have prarefully considered my work situation for next school year, and have decided that it would be best for me to take a leave of absence. So... June 17th has a whole new meaning, knowing that I will be packing up my classroom and will be getting to stay home next year with my sweet girl. Our hope is to max out the number of years of leave for which I am eligible, yet we are taking it one year at a time.

This was a big decision for us in a number of ways... and as you can imagine, reducing your household income by 50% can be a scary thing. As I was reflecting back on how I have made decisions in the past, I have always felt the need to look three, four, five, or even ten steps ahead so I could be sure of how everything would likely play out before making big decisions. And while I believe that it is wise to be prudent, I also believe that I have been more of a "Thomas" than I would like to admit...

Jesus Appears to Thomas (John 20)

24 Now Thomas (also known as Didymus[a]), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. 25 So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!”
But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”

26 A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” 27 Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”

28 Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”

29 Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

There are a lot of unknowns as we move forward... whether or not Spencer will get promoted to an Assistant Principal position for next year, how we will financially be able to swing this. And yet, we are trusting that because we believe this is God's desire for our family, that He will faithfully provide and allow it to work. We don't know what that will look like or how that will play out; but we are trusting God's words of Matthew 6...

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?

And to say I am excited is an understatment. I am so excited to be with Ellie... I am excited to see God's hand of faithfulness. I am excited to take a break from the working world (as far as a career is concerned), to be able to spend more delving into my role as a wife and a mother, and to spend time further developing the Isaac Delisle Foundation.

So we ask for your prayers as we make this exciting transition :)

Pictures from Ellie's birthday to come...

Almost 1!

March 4, 2010.

Truly, it feels like a blink of an eye since that day. And yet, Eliana has grown and changed so much! Has it really almost been a YEAR? It feels like yesterday that I caught my breath and held it until I first heard her little cry right after she was born. It feels like yesterday that they held her up over the blue curtain and I saw that thick head of hair and beautiful chubby little face.

Eliana is walking, trying all sorts of new foods, talking up a storm, and is still as sweet and silly as ever. She loves making all the different animal sounds when you ask her what each one says, gives a high five, and thinks that pointing to a person's nose is hilarious. She is truly amazing. It is really hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that in a couple of weeks, we will be celebrating her first birthday. Elmo style. Because, she, like many other kids her age, seems to have become obsessed with this red furry friend.

The funny thing about time is that it always seems to feel too fast or too slow... meetings that seem to drag on, yet only lasted forty minutes; a year in a child's life that feels like it flew by in a matter of days.

One of my favorite psalms says:

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. ~ Psalm 90:12

Yet that can be so hard, can't it? Hectic schedules and too many demands can easily throw our priorities so out of whack... and that's when time flies, or it drags. To number our days, we need to be fully present, living fully in each moment, thanking God for both the little and the big things and knowing that each day is truly a gift.

Please Vote for Us!

Last fall I entered us into a contest to win a photography session with the awesome photographer, Crissie Traugott, who did my maternity pictures and newborn pictures with Eliana. She is awesome!

The bad news: we didn't win.

The good news: she's holding another contest and we are entered!!!

Could you please vote and help us win?

To help, please visit Crissie's Facebook site and "like" her page.

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Crissie-Traugott-Photography/92815980769

Then, please lave a comment on our photo! Simply "liking" the photo won't count.

http://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=501441025769&set=a.501440670769.273831.92815980769&theater

For every 5 comments, we get 1 entry into the drawing.

Thanks for helping us!

How to Make Love

In honor of Valentine's Day, I wanted to direct you to an incredible post written by the eloquent Ann Voskamp. So, hop on over to her blog and check out this post. You'll be glad you did :)

In Joy and Pain, in Sun and Rain, You're the Same

Sitting here listening to Pandora, and on came one of my David Crowder Favorites... Never Let Go.

I love that line, the one that says, "In joy and pain, in sun and rain, You're the same, You never let go."

It is the constancy of God's character that causes me to still hope... to know that we can trust Him, not because of His activity, but because of His constant character.

These past few months continue to be filled with such joy as we continue to watch Eliana grow up. I am in constant awe of the miracle that she is... her amazing personality, how much she is learning, the way she laughs. How she is developing preferences for certain things, like sweet over savory (just like her Mama!) and like cats over dogs... for particular books over others. She is becoming a fairly proficient walker (video to follow in an upcoming post!), knows how to point to Mommy's nose, says several words (like purple, Isaac, and cheese). She is absolutely amazing.
It's incredible to me that a person has the capacity to envelope such joy, while the missing can simultaneously still linger. I often wonder what Eliana and Isaac would do if they had been given the chance to play together. I wonder if he would be as enamored by his little sister as we are.
I am just really grateful for the fact that God just meets us in that, and that the constancy of His character allows me to be able to trust Him, even though I don't always understand what He may be up to.

"...for I have always been mindful of your unfailing love and have lived in reliance on your faithfulness..." ~ Psalm 26:3

One Thousand Gifts

It's a gorgeous snowy day here in Maryland. Although, if you were one stuck on any of our local highways yesterday evening, you may not agree. As a household of teachers, though, we love a good snowfall... especially when it actually comes to fruition!

Other than playing with Eliana and baking, my other favorite snowy day activity is reading. A few weeks ago, Angie Smith mentioned a book on her blog entitled One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. It turns out, this is also the new book Angie and Jessica Turner are using for the Bloom Book Club at (in)Courage. The tag line for the book is, "a dare to live fully right where you are."

Who doesn't want to do that?

Working full time this year has been hard, and I the subject of the book piqued my interested; so I ordered it. And between yesterday's snow day and being home again today, I am already half way through. I can't put it down. It is truly one of the best books I have read in a long time.

Ann is an incredibly artistic and gifted writer, sharing authentically about her desire to live a full life... a life of gratitude. She incorporates everyday experiences, a thoughtful analysis of scripture, and personal tragedy as she shares what it means to life fully in each moment.

You'll want to order this book. A hard copy... not the electronic version... because you'll want to mark it up. There is so much good stuff in there. So much so, that once I finish it the first time, I think I will need to go back and reread it to be sure I didn't miss anything.

A few nuggets so far...

With an expiration of less than twelve hours, what does Jesus count as all most important? 'And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them...' (Luke 22:19 NIV)... In the original language 'he gave thanks' reads 'eucharisteo...' The root word of eucharisteo is charis, meaning 'grace...' but it also holds its derivative, the Greek word chara, meaning 'joy.' (p.31-32).

As long as thanks as possible, then joy is always possible. (p.33)

Referring to Matthew 11, Ann writes, And then what does Jesus do, in the face of apparent failure, when no one responded to His teaching and things didn't work out at all? He lives out eucharisteo. (p.36)

We only enter into the full life if our faith gives thanks. (p.39)

A question that many of us have probably asked at one point, or several...

How in the world, for the sake of my joy, do I learn to use eucharisteo to overcome my one ugly and self-destructive habit of ingratitude... with the saving habit of gratitude-- that would lead me back to deep God-communion. (p.44)

On the next page, Ann accepts a challenge from a friend...

Could I write a list of a thousand things I love? (p.45)

But in this counting of gifts, to one thousand, more, I discover that slapping a sloppy brush of thanksgiving over everything in my life leaves me deeply thankful for very few things in my life...life-changing gratitude does not fasten to a life unless nailed through with one very specific nail at a time. (p.57)

And so begins Ann's process, a challenge to all of us read this book really, to become people who live a live full of gratitude in all things... for all things.

I'll wrap this up by saying that in no way am I receiving any sort of compensation for mentioning Ann's book here. I simply was made aware of it, became interested, ordered it, and am now engrossed in it ant deeply challenged by it.

It's well worth a read. Several reads, really.

Enjoy...

What's New?

I can't thank you enough for praying for Sarah, Henry, and the rest of her family. I was able to visit Sarah at the hospital last Thursday and meet her precious son. He was beautiful. I was just captivated by his tiny features... including a cute little chin and perfect little nose... and was so grateful that he had some sweet fuzzy hair. Sarah really wanted to be able to get some locks of hair, and I am thankful that the Lord provided that opportunity for her. Please continue to pray for this family as they hold Henry's funeral this Saturday. I know she has seen the prayers that have been offered on her behalf, and I know she is incredibly grateful for that.

So what else is new?

Not much :)

Eliana turned 10 months old last week, and I can't believe that I am already starting to think about her first birthday party. People aren't kidding when they say, "they grow up so fast!" Ellie is still a little peanut... rocking her 6-9 month clothes (and even some 3-6 month clothes still!), swimming in most 12 month clothes... but her huge personality is in no way deterred by her petite stature. She has developed, quite randomly, a strong affection for Elmo, and for whatever reason, excitedly growls his name whenever she says it. She loves her stuffed Elmo, pop-up book with Elmo, puppet book with Elmo, diapers with Elmo... you name it. It is quite hilarious, actually. She's as curious as can be, loves playing with Grandma's kitty cats and our neighbors and friends dogs, and is so intrigued by the simplest things, like long games of peek-a-boo. She's finally cutting her third tooth (the first two came in right at 5 months), cruising around like crazy, and I have a hunch she'll be taking her first step quite soon. She is so incredible and brings us so much joy... and many, many good laughs!

She loves watching the snow (even though she doesn't love playing in it...)

She loves rooting for the Jets with Daddy! I'm sure this will be the scene this coming Sunday!

Such a big (little) girl at 10 months old! Walking with Mommy...

... and cuddling with Mommy, too! Sort of. This may be the moment where she decided she wanted get down and keep walking!

Reading is still one of Eliana's favorites! She's really into interactive books, like pop-up books, peek-a-boo books, booke that have puzzle-like pieces that come out. She's a great little page turner, too!

In other "news," my sleep issue has improved a little bit, but is still fairly unresolved. Medication wise, not a lot really seems to do the trick. I am still working with a neurologist at a center that specializes in sleep issues to try to find something that works well for me. Many of the medications help you get to sleep which, as Spencer will attest to, isn't my problem. Staying asleep is, and none of the medications have really helped with that aspect of it. Hopefully, as I continue to meet with them for follow up, we'll eventually figure out something that works. Until then, my one trusty cup of coffee, and more importantly, the confidence in knowing that God really will enable me and strengthen me to still function in the day-to-day, are getting me through.

This weekend I will be flying to Atlanta for the wedding of my dear friend, Kim. Kim and I met when she was in high school, and I was her Young Life leader. We have so many great memories together... from Bible study and breakfast before school, to trips to Ocean City, NJ. I love this girl's heart, and her fiance, Andrew, is one very lucky guy! I am so excited to celebrate with her this weekend. At the same time, I am incredibly nervous to hop on a plane and leave Eliana. She will do great, I know, at home with Spencer. I would appreciate prayers, though, for safe, quick, and uneventful flights. I am normally not scared to fly; this time, well... I'm slightly nervous.

Things with Isaac's playground are still moving along. The equipment has been ordered, and I am so excited for the community install that is going to take place this spring. More on that as details roll in.

I wish we were more exciting... this is such a boring, and random, update for the most part! So maybe it's better to ask... what do YOU want to know? Anything you're wondering about? Something I've blogged about previously you're curious to hear an update on that maybe I forgot about? I hope that 2011 is off to a great year for each of you. I know we are looking forward to what this year holds in store!

Another Update

I received a text from Sarah that Henry passed away at 8:00 this morning. My heart is so heavy.

Please continue to pray for them, particularly now as the grief of losing their son really begins to set in.

I am planning to visit Sarah this afternoon. Please be praying for that time. Please pray that God would equip me with the words, or the lack of words, that would be of the greatest comfort to Sarah. Please pray that my ministering to them would draw them to Christ. That is my deepest desire... that they would find the peace and comfort that comes from knowing Him. I cannot imagine going through this without my faith in God.

When Steven Curtis Chapman lost his daughter, he said, "The only thing scarier than going through this with my faith, is going through it alone, cursing God." That resonates with me so deeply.

Thank you for continuing to pray for this precious family, especially now...

Update

Thank you all so much for praying for my friend, Sarah. With her permission, I am posting the update that I received in an email from her this morning...

Henry was born yesterday at 8:38am, weighed 2.4 pounds and is almost 15 inches. He has made it through his first night and has been doing so well. He's been eating formula by dropper, talking to us, and even opened his eyes the tiniest little bit. Everyone is surprised by what a fighter our little guy has been. I'm loving every moment, bittersweet that it may be.

I am so thankful for the time this family has had together. I am so thankful that God graciously has provided time for their family member to meet Henry while he is still alive.

Please continue to pray for this family. I know that they are grateful for your prayers.