It's Coming...

It had been a hot, hot summer here in Maryland. Confiningly (is that a word?) hot, really. It's pretty difficult to find things to do outside on sunny, 95 degree days with a little baby. Much of my summer was spent in the cool indoors, barring some morning walks or a few short trips to the pool. In fact, here we are mid-September at it was still well over 80 degrees today.

But it's coming. It's right around the corner, ever so slightly making its presence known. It's showing up in cooler mornings, gentle breezes, Sunday football games. It's showing up in Halloween decor, bold colored mums on neighbors' doorsteps.

And while there are many things about fall that bring much joy to the Delisle household, this turning of seasons reminds me that another October 7th is dawning near.

I remember so clearly the distinct change in the weather from the time I entered the hospital to deliver Isaac, and the time I left there empty handed and brokenhearted. It was so distinct, that Spencer and I actually commented on it as I slowly made my way to the car that day. It was as if it had turned to fall in a matter of a few short days... leaves already having started to turn, humidity having made a welcomed exit, and cooler temperatures already settling in.

I've mentioned before how grief is such a sensory experience, and this change in season from summer to fall holds so much emotion for me... both the anticipation and joy of meeting my sweet Isaac; and the unspeakable heartache of losing him. A heart bursting with pride as I held him and told him as many times as I could in the 16 minutes we had with him how much I love him... and a heart weeping with sorrow as I sat by his grave less than a week later.

Lately I have been thinking about him so much, and as I stare in the faces of other kids about his age, it seems unfathomable to me that Isaac would be almost two years old. It feels like forever since I last saw him, kissed his sweet nose, and stroked his fuzzy hair. And yet, time also feels as though it has flown.

Watching the rate at which Eliana's personality is developing and shining through, I can't help but wonder about what Isaac would be like. Would his hair still be strawberry blond? Would he want to root for the Ravens or the Jets this fall, or would he have one of each jersey? Would he make friends with the other little boys about his age who live nearby and play with them out back on the playground? What kind of big brother would he be to Eliana?

As another October 7th starts to draw near, please pray for us. Isaac is heavy on my heart.