Monday, April 5, 2010

As If It Were The First Time

I promise to have some one month pictures and Easter pictures up shortly... coincidentally, they will likely be the same pictures since Eliana turned one month old yesterday! We hope that you and your family had a blessed Easter, and were reminded afresh of the hope that is found in three simple words: He is risen.

Yesterday was a great day for our family. We made it to church, and through half of the service before Eliana decided that it was time to go. Spent a beautiful afternoon at my Dad's with much of my extended family. Ellie took a great nap, and was generally in a happy mood! Even though she is too young to understand what Easter is all about, or to participate in any Easter traditions, it was still special to be able to celebrate her first holiday. I am incredibly thankful that God allowed it to be a sweet day for our family.

Today, though, my heart is heavy... heavy with the missing. I've spoken countless times about the bittersweet aspects of holidays and milestones, and today is no exception. You see, while for Spencer and I, Isaac's place in our family is firmly established, it often feels as though our home is the only place where it is.

Over the past few weeks, I've heard people say to my stepbrothers, "You're an uncle now!"... as if it were the first time. I know that when those words are spoken, they are done so in excitement and love; but in those moments, I want so badly to cry out... "Now? But he already was." I know that the fact that Eliana is here and is tangible makes someone's uncle-hood, aunt-hood, or whatever else feel that much more real; but the truth is, Isaac had already established those titles. Eliana adds to them. It's difficult to be a parent of two children, but having people respond to us as if it were the first time. It's difficult thing to articulate... but if you've been there, I know you know what I mean.

Stay tuned for Easter pictures... hope to have them up later today!

11 comments:

The Writer Chic said...

Ugh. I was there this weekend, too. We went car shopping all day Saturday, and each and every ignorant salesman said to me, "Oh, a boy and now a girl....your family is now perfect." As if it had been Seth and Duncan, it would have been LESS perfect? Belive me, stupid man in an ugly tie, I WISH I were having to buy a minivan to hold THREE carseats instead of a crossover to hold TWO.

I get it, Stac. Oh, I get it. Thinking of you.

Stephanie said...

I dont know what you are feeling, but I can only imagine how hard it is. My heart is so heavy for you now. I know life is so wonderful yet so hard at the same time.
Just know we all love you and pray for you and your family often!!

Kim said...

I'm so sorry, Stacie. It hurts so badly to have people disregard the fact that I am a mommy because my babies are in heaven. I'm keeping you in my prayers, and enjoying every hope-giving post about your precious children.

belle said...

i hear you. i've actually had family members argue with me that i can't count my children in heaven as my children.... really? everything in me wanted to show them the pictures that i spared them from. my pictures are not the pretty ones. just some snap shots the midwife took. but she was real. she was beautiful to me. she could have lived a great life if her umbilical cord hadn't killed her! ok, i'll stop now, i'm getting on my soap box....

i was thinking of your sweet children this weekend. BOTH of them!

Jus and Kat said...

I know exactly what you mean! And my emotions during the holidays are completely torn between being there and enjoying it with my daughter and feeling the regret and the pain of not being able to enjoy it with my son.

Kat @ In Dylan's Memory

Ally, Eclipse, Teddy and Kira said...

I understand, as much as I can, as an aunt of a baby that died at nearly 8 weeks of SIDS. I say I have three nephews and two nieces, even though one of them is no longer living. I get it, to some extent, and I'm thinking of you!

Kelly @ Sufficient Grace Ministries said...

I understand the missing, dear friend...

Love and Prayers...

crystal.z said...

i am still hoping to be blessed with a living child, but i can relate when i hear comments about 'becoming' parents. i already am a mother. i am the mommy two babies in Heaven. if i became a mother when i got pregnant, why does it stop when my babies died?

Jenn said...

I may not know how it feels but I can imagine it is hard. Many people, family included, sometimes don't know how to relate to loss.
That you and your husband will always remember your son and will share that with your daughter - that is all that is important.

Cort said...

from one second-time mother who lost her son to another, i know exactly what you mean. i think we just have to ask God to continue to heal our hearts and try our best to gently remind all of those in our lives that our sons are very much apart of our families. sending many sweet blessings to you today and remembering what a special boy issac was here on earth and is in heaven. much love. xoxo, cortney

Cort said...

from one second-time mother with a son in heaven to another, i know what you mean. i think we just have to gently remind those in our lives that our sons are still very much a part of our families. and we have to continue to ask God to heal our aching hearts. sending you much love and remembering what a special boy issac was on this earth and in heaven now. xoxo, cort