Monday, November 8, 2010

Long overdue...

They say better late than never, right? So while lots of other moms got their cute Halloween pictures up, we were busy fighting a vicious stomach bug in our house. Little Ellie was hit pretty hard, but thankfully is on the mend. Anyhow, a few pictures of our little bumblebee...


Despite her costume's cuteness, she wasn't a huge fan. The puffy tummy of the costume made it hard for her to sit and crawl... she just couldn't figure it out. Truthfully, her frustrated attempts were sort of cute to watch. :) Needless to say, she only wore the costume for a little over an hour as we attended a neighbor's Halloween party, but it was fun while it lasted!
Just a few days later, Eliana turned 8 months old! She's crawling like crazy, loves to pull herself up, and has started to walk while holding on to a push toy. She "talks" up a storm, and uses "dadada" and "mama" appropriately. I know the other moms out their can relate to how wonderful it is to finally hear "mama".

I just love Eliana's fun, spirited personality. She's outgoing, loves to laugh, and is so proud of herself when she accomplishes something new. She's curious... often seeing in things little details that I easily miss. She is such a treasure.
With the fun of Halloween having passed, fall tends to take a turn and begins to focus on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Admittedly, October through New Years tends to be a difficult time for me. I am sure that many who have gone through the grief of losing a loved one, particularly a child, would agree that the holidays are hard. Of course, the bittersweet dynamic of our family with having one child here and one waiting for us in Heaven is there. It's in day-to-day life sorts of things, like the fact that Eliana's pictures grace the mantle in some one's home, yet Isaac's picture is nowhere to be found.
But the holidays... it's like missing magnified. While I shop for mega blocks and a big stuffed chair for Eliana, I wonder what "Santa" would be bringing Isaac this year. While our family will sit and hold hands around the Thanksgiving table sharing what we're grateful for, I'll be holding one of my children's hands but not the other. I'll be giving thanks for Eliana's good health, and wishing the same had been true for my son.
I suppose all this is to say that many of our days, and much of each day, is filled with a lot of laughter and joy; but, the heart of a mom who is missing her son does just that: misses her son... notices his absence, and longs for him to be here.
If you are reading and have also lost a child, I am sure that rings true for you, too. And if you are reading and know someone who is doing the missing, I would encourage you to find ways to sensitively remember their child this holiday season. For me, it does my heart good to know that Isaac is talked about, remembered, and has not been forgotten.

12 comments:

Laura McCann said...

Isaac will never be forgotten by the many who have been touched by your story of his life. I have a hard time understanding what you feel because I have not walked in your shoes, but you have made me understand as much as I possibly can without experiencing it for myself and I want to thank you for that. I am better able to speak with others who have felt that horrendous grief over the loss of a child. I am better able to serve them because of what I have learned from you and Isaac. Isaac's legacy will be far reaching because you have shared him with the world and touched so many lives with your journey.
Isaac lives on here in our hearts and our thoughts AND in heaven. Hope your holidays are bright and filled with joy. How could they not be when you get to gaze at your sweet baby girl's big beautiful eyes and her gorgeous smile? Enjoy, Mama!

Anne said...

You have a beautiful heart. Thank you for sharing it with us. I cannot imagine, and don't want to try, the gaping hole that would be left where my heart should be if I were to lose a child. Your walk in faith is a testimony to His Faithfulness, even in brokenness. May the Lord fill your holiday season with unimaginable joy and peace as you celebrate both of your children.

Michelle Karr said...

Thank you so much for sharing! I have been on the verge of tears constantly and I believe it is because we are entering the holidays and the time when we knew Janie Beth would not stay here with us. I hadn't realized what my tears were for until reading your post.

Adeline said...

Ellie is so cute in her costume! So adorable. Sometimes I get sooo sad because it seems I am the only one still grieving the loss of our second son. I only have two friends who talk about him. It seems our family has already forgotten and moved on. But I will never move on, forget, put it behind me, as he will forever be a part of me. I think about him 24/7. And like you I can be happy and sad all at the same time, rejoicing with my son here on earth and missing my son in Heaven terribly. And for a long time, I struggled with finding balance among all of these emotions, but the balance is right there: happy and sad all at once. I guess only a mother can feel that way.

Jen said...

I can so relate! I'll never forget the first time Bella said, "Mama!" That word practically melted my heart! And then, when Bree came along and said it, too, and I felt such warmth! On the same token, though, it is bittersweet to wonder what my little Logan would have sounded like, saying that sweet word. It's something a mama thinks about all the time! Knowing those sweet boys, as well as the many other precious babies, gone too soon, are playing together in Heaven helps to calm my soul.

SUSI said...

What a cute little bumblebee..Ellie is really getting big and I totally can relate to how special it is to hear those words "mama" that we have been longing for for so long. It is one of the greatest moments and just so special.

I can also totally relate how difficult the holiday season is. I have been quite emotional these past few days and I think it may have to do with the time of year. It is so hard to find a good balance between the joys in our lives and the grief for our sons and honestly, some days I am just better at it than others.

Many hugs,
Susi

connie said...

I know what you mean about noticing that Isaac's picture isn't displayed by others in the same way that Eliana's is. I went to see one of the girls who donated milk to Mallorie, and was struck ... and touched in an unbelievable way ... when I saw she had a picture of Mallorie on her refrigerator! I wasn't even the one who initiated the milk-sharing relationship; it was a friend who did that for me and for Mallorie, and she was the one who gave N the picture. That is something I will always remember, seeing her picture there, and knowing she touched N's heart enough to keep her there. Knowing that others who visit may ask N about it and she can tell the story. I pray that you see a picture of Isaac somewhere, some day soon, to fill your heart with what I felt that day.

Sherri said...

Isaac is the reason I started coming to your blog and he is the reason I return. His story touched my life in a wonderful way and he will never be forgotten on my end. I have told his story to many people who have needed to hear of your faith and courage in a time of such sadness. While I have not experienced such a loss, I feel like I am much more sympathetic and sensitive to those who have. We love you, Isaac.

Tammy On the Go said...

we both had bumble bee babies....hope you are well

Sonya said...

She looks adorable even if she hated it. Praying for you all during this time of year.

izzy said...

What a cute costume!!!! Really fits ur child well!! Gorgeous girl you have there! :D

Today's Motherhood

colourherhope.com said...

I'm so sorry about the loss of your precious son.
Your posts really blessed and validated some things in me as we lost our daughter in September when I was 7 months pregnant. I know our stories are different, but I just wanted to finally comment. I know what you mean as the holidays near, it's incredible difficult as our children should be with us. Much love to you over this holiday season.