Happy 3rd Birthday Isaac

It's not every day anymore that I think about the fact that we buried our son. Don't misunderstand... it's not that we don't think about him. We do. Daily. In one way or another, Isaac is mentioned in our home daily... often in the context of explaining to Eliana that soon she will have two brothers. It is so sweet to me that she recognizes Isaac's pictures, and when we remind her that Isaac is in Heaven, she replies, "With Jesus." What a gift that she knows that. Three years of after losing Isaac, most of our conversations surrounding him are filled with great joy and wonder as we marvel at the fact that Eliana seems to understand so much about who Isaac is in the tapestry of our family.

Yet every October 7th, the vivid reality of what we have experienced, and lost, resurfaces. The fact that we did bury our son; the fact that we did plan his funeral; the fact that the "natural" order of things feels completely altered and out of whack.

In the midst of it though, God has replaced our unanswered questions with a great sense of peace. And today, we celebrated Isaac's life as a family in ways that brought us great joy. This morning Spencer and I each wrote Isaac a letter and Eliana drew him a picture. We picked up some balloons and flowers (and Eliana wanted him to have a little pumpkin!) on our way to the cemetery. Once there, we let Ellie put the pumpkin down at Isaac's special place. We attached our letters and Eliana's picture to a few balloons and let them go. Eliana was fascinated by letting the balloons go "up in the sky for I-Kiss (Isaac)." It brought smiles to our faces to see her so interested in celebrating her big brother. Of course there were moments of tears... staring at your son's grave instead of his sweet face is never easy. But we know that we have been blessed by our son's sweet life, though way to short, and that his place in our family is not only something known to Spencer and I, but is something that Eliana is really seeming to understand as well. I am so thankful for that.

Sweet Isaac,

We miss you so much; but we know that you are in the most perfect of places. You have not been forgotten; your life and legacy continue to touch others... most especially your little sister. Please know that we think of you so often, and love you so much. I am so proud of you. Happy third birthday, sweet boy.

Love,

Mommy