Friday, August 7, 2009

10 Months

What a difference a year makes. This time last year, we were right where we are now... family vacation at the beach.

Last year I got up each morning and spent time on the beach...writing my letter to Isaac, telling him all about the seagulls and the waves. This year I sit here reminded that the One who holds the waves in the palm of His hand is the same One who holds my sweet Isaac in heaven.

Last year I would sit on the beach feeling Isaac kick, thinking that maybe...just maybe...we'd have that miracle we had been praying for and Isaac would be here with us next summer, and I would get to show him the seagulls and the waves in person. This year I sit and watch all the nearby families playing with their little ones, several of whom look to be about 10 months old.

10 months.

I am missing Isaac in a whole new way this morning...not sure how to explain it, other than to say that seeing all these families day after day gives me such a vivid picture of what I am missing...and who I am missing.

While I have come to a place where I know to expect it, in some ways that doesn't make all this easier. The missing still hurts...a lot. While the distance from October 7, 2008 has become greater, the missing hasn't really lessened at all...and I have know idea if and when it will.

What I do know is that I am thankful for the fact that Isaac's life and story didn't end that day...because for all eternity he is safe and secure with the God who created the seagulls and the waves, and who so beautifully created him.

22 comments:

Tami from SD said...

Good morning. I pray for you in this first summer without your sweet Isaac. I can't imagine how much you miss him! Hugs to you today. (I'm a lurker and don't post often but I do enjoy your writing, even though it comes from sorrow!)

Holly said...

I can't imagine ever not missing him. I'm sure you wonder who he would be and who he would grow up to be. May God hold you sweetly today.

Lauren said...

Missing Isaac today and thinking of you and Spencer. This post was beautifully written. Love you.

Angela said...

I remember reading your pics from the beach last year and looking at your pictures. And praying for a miracle. God heard our prayers. He just decided to do something infinitely better. I'm just so sorry that His "better" meant something different than what your heart wanted. Someday, someday, w will understand. Lots of prayers for you today.

Angela said...

Sorry. Obviously meant reading your "posts," not your pics. LOL

Once A Mother said...

"What I do know is that I am thankful for the fact that Isaac's life and story didn't end that day...because for all eternity he is safe and secure with the God who created the seagulls and the waves," what a beautiful image.

Tammy On the Go said...

I have no words, just wanted to say I am still honored to know you.

Bluebird said...

Thinking of you and your beautiful boy today. How beautiful and surreal it is to realize that your perfect son is in the company of the Wave Maker. And yet - his legacy lives on here, too.

Lorraine-bo said...

Isaac's life and story also did not end because God has continued to use your sweet Isaac here on earth.

Praying for your continual comfort from the Lord.

FSD said...

Praying for you.

Shannon said...

(hugs)

Amanda said...

I have recently started following your blog and this is my first comment. Your writing is just beautiful and your outlook and attitude about how it all played out is just awesome. I can tell you have God's peace in the midst of all of the hurt. My husband and I lost a son in April 2008 (stillborn at 24 weeks) and now are carrying a son to term who will not survive without God's intervention.

I just wanted to say that while the hurt doesn't really lessen, it has seemed to "sneak up" less often as time has gone on. I still really miss Felix and there will always be a hole in our family but I know that he has a much better life than we could have given him and that has come to be a comfort to me.

Liz and Will Timmerman said...

What a beautiful post Stacy.

The Writer Chic said...

Oh, Stacy. How we all longed for a different miracle. I'm praying for you.

Seraphim said...

10 months. Your little boy is so loved by family, friends and strangers. He will always be missed. xxxx

Sonya said...

I cannot imagine how much that you miss sweet Isaac. I pray for you everyday.

Mary said...

Staci you are continually in my prayers.

Jeremy and Sarah said...

I have wanted to comment many times but have never found the courage. I have read every month after Isaac went to be with Jesus and it is so bitter sweet for me. Our son was born just days before Isaac and so we are going through those milestones together, the difference being that Joshua is still here on this side of heaven. One thing that I get from all of your posts is that you do not just sit around being sad all the time about this but you find your strength in Christ and you have such a way with words. My husband is an English teacher as well and so I feel I may have fallen short here but I hope you understand what I am trying to say. I would love to be a prayer partner so email me if there is anything you ever need.jeremysarah185@yahoo.com

Erin said...

I just found your blog recently and read about this journey. Your strength and faith just amaze me. I cannot even begin to imagine how difficult this must have been for you and your husband. I can feel your heart in this post and am praying for you and asking God to surround you and your husband with his peace. God bless you, you are an AMAZING woman of God!!!!!

jen said...

Thinking of you today as I read your post. As I've shared with you before, I understand your feelings all too well. Know that you are not alone in your feelings of missing your son...other mommies can so relate! May God bless you richly today!

Laura said...

Thinking about you this weekend.
xox
Laura

Michelle said...

He is safe. And, most importantly, he's home. Love,