Wednesday, July 16, 2008

This Week

Admittedly, this has been a really hard week for me. It definitely started on Sunday morning with my little breakdown at church, and I've really felt about the same since. Someone commented to me recently that this blog seems upbeat and extremely positive, almost as if I don't really have hard days.

The truth is, I do, and I want you to know that. I am heartbroken over this, and I would give anything for this to be different... for Isaac to be a healthy baby, developing and growing just as he should. Here's a little secret... I cry. Often. Daily, in fact. Not for hours, but just a few minutes here or there. Usually it is because of a song I am hearing (why does music always seem to do that to me?), other times it's because of things I start to think about. I was listening to the song Angie sent me that she at Todd wrote for their daughter, Audrey. I would be lieing if I said that there was this one line that really touched me, because truthfully, all of them do. But this one part of the song came to mind recently...

People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on.
But there's a greater story written long before me
Because He loves you like this.

That's me some days... barely hanging on. The only reason I am is because I know that God never lets me go, and I can hold to the hope and the truth that He has written Isaac's life into a story greater than the one that I can see. That doesn't make this easy; but it makes it bareable. And in a seemingly hopeless situation, it brings us hope.

On Friday we have a "routine" prenatal appointment with my OB. I have a lot of questions for her regarding my c-section and follow-up testing and evaluation. I also hope that we will be able to discuss the radiologist's findings from our visit to Children's on June 17. I have a few more questions about that which I am hoping to have answered. These appointments tend to be very uneventful, so I am not too sure about what to ask you to pray for. Please pray that my mind would be put at ease by her responses, because I am petrified of a c-section even though I haven't had the energy to even begin to worry about that. Would you please also continue to pray for God to intervene and heal Isaac? And lastly, would you please pray for ongoing comfort and peace for Spencer and I as we continue to navigate these deep and unknown waters?

Thank you for continuing to walk this road and bear this burden with us.


Anonymous said...

Dear Stacey, I have been reading your blog for a couple of days now. A friend of mine referred me to it. I commend you for your faith and am believing for you and Isaac, for a full miracle. I know this may sound weird, and even though my situation was not the same, through God, my husband and I recieved an amazing miracle I'd like to share with you. I'd write it all out, but I have a video of it on my myspace page. I have temporarily made my myspace page published if you'd like to take a look. MySpace URL:
You'll see the video that is labeled Alyssa's Miracle.

I know it's kinda strange, but I just feel led by God to share this with you, and to let you know that I am praying for your son with as much faith as I once prayed for my own unborn baby, who is now 4.5 years old.

Hugs to you, Francine

Anonymous said...

I'm from SAL and think of you often, also I read your blogs whenever you update. I also read Bring the Rain and was just wondering over the weekend if you ever read it...
I am praying for a miracle for baby Isaac. The letters you write him touch my heart daily.
Much love,

Amy said...

I am praying for you to be comforted right now. I am so sorry you are experiencing this , and my prayer is that God will overwhlem you with comfort and peace for whatever may lie ahead. God's GRACE is so good, keep your faith and hope strong, we are continuing to pray for miracles.
Much love,

Angela said...

I have been reading your blog for awhile now. My name is Angela. I had my second son in April. We found out an hour after he was born that he has Down syndrome and two heart defects that will require open-heart surgery soon. And while this honestly seems mild compared to what you're facing, we have been overwhelmed by God's love and grace and faithfulness and peace. I won't lie, it's been rough. I feel sometimes like you described, that I was (through my blog and emails) giving off a false impression of how we were doing. It's not easy. It's hard. I cry a lot, too. But you're right. God is so much bigger. God knows. And I'm so eternally glad that He knows. Because without him I would have absolutely no reason for smiling.
By the way, I am a C-section Poster Child!! I have had two and (I know this sounds totally weird) LOVED THEM!!!! Feel free, I mean it, to email me any questions you have. I can tell you anything you want.

Love in Him,

julie said...

you don't even need to ask for the prayers, they are always going up for you and your sweet family. much love. Julie

The Writer Chic said...

Stacy, you have been in my thoughts almost constantly this week.

Jim and I were struggling just last night with the seeming injustice of your situation. I don't want this for you so badly...I read Angie's words, and see the impact Audrey is having even months after her brief life here ended, and I want to cry "Lord, you're already having Tood and Angie bear this burden -- what good do You need done so badly that you have to have Stacy and Spencer bear it as well? Please, let this pass!" I don't know if He'll honor my cry -- I realize it comes from an non-understanding, anger-laced part of my soul. But I know He'll hear me, even if in the end He doesn't "agree" with me.

Anyway, I'm rambing. I just wanted to say that you are on my heart, always, and that I will be on my knees for you tomorrow.

Stay stong, mommy. And when you're not, we're here.

Kara said...

You and your husband most certainly have my thoughts and prayers. I hope you get the answers to the questions that you have and your mind can have some comfort.

Anonymous said...

Big Hugs to you. Thinking of you and praying for Isaac.

Stephanie said...

I am always praying for your family. (((hugs)))

Perseverence said...

I've been searching for an update for you today on SAL and the PL boards. I hope that you are feeling peace after your appointment today. I just want to remind you that a fellow nestie in california is lifting you, Spencer and precious Isaac up in prayer everyday.