Thursday, April 18, 2013

12 (ish) Week Ultrasound and Consult

One of the strangest things about this pregnancy is that the timing of it aligns completely with my pregnancy with Isaac. So much so that the due dates are only two days off, and which consequently means Isaac's birthday and this baby's birthday will be within days of each other. And yes, that is hard.

Today I have my 12(ish) week ultrasound, nuchal fold test, and consult with my high-risk obstetrician. This is the same appointment, and the same high-risk doctor, at which we first learned of Isaac's prognosis. Almost to the day, five years ago.

To say it feels anything but odd would be false, and perhaps that's because of the timing of this pregnancy. It all feels so similar. In some ways it is such a gift because it brings to mind my sweet son so often; in other ways its poignancy is so much greater than my pregnancies with Eliana or Jacob. So what does that mean regarding today's appointment? I am a lot more nervous about it than I would have expected.

It is no surprise, however, that God meets me right where I am with it, and this morning's devotion was no exception.

"...Similarly, I give you sufficient Peace for the present, when you come to Me by prayer and petition with thanksgiving. If I gave you permanent Peace, independent of My Presence, you might fall into the trap of self-sufficiency. May that never be!... Approach My throne of grace with bold confidence, receiving My Peace with a thankful heart."    ~ From "Jesus Calling", April 18

So please pray with me today, for a great scan, that baby is looking good... and most of all for the Lord's perfect peace.


Anonymous said...

Praying for you today!

momflowers said...

I have not visited your blog since the Christmas post- so I had some catching up to do! Saying lots of prayers for you! Congratulations & hoping for peace for you. :)

FSD said...

I hope you received a GOOD REPORT!

Adeline said...

I hope your appt went well! Praying for you.

My name is Heather. said...

i'm sure that is so hard. praying for peace throughout the entire pregnancy!

Michelle said...

i will be keeping you, your family, and your new little blessing in my prayers. :-)

as i was reading back to catch up on your blog (i've not been able to be on blogger much these days), i read about your daughter's autism diagnosis. and for some reason, the very first thought that flashed through my mind was something that surprised me. it wasn't "oh, that's sad," or "wow, this family has another tough hurdle" or anything like that. my first thought was simple: "thank goodness for Isaac."

i fully believe that, while there are surely MANY reasons he lived & died, this is one of them. because you have lost a child, you know more than the typical parent that every single day with your living children is a blessing. like most parents given a fatal pre-birth diagnosis, i'm sure you would have taken Isaac in any condition, with any challenges, if only he could stay this side of Heaven. and although God took him Him, He has allowed you to keep your little girl. on those days when it is the hardest to cope, you will know that her presence is enough to make the struggle worth it.

although i would NEVER compare my situation to yours, i've had migraines since age 5, diagnosed with DAILY migraine age 14, and at age 22 i was diagnosed with a condition which will mean brain surgeries for the rest of my life, as well as the placement of a shunt to drain excess fluid from my brain. this condition is unrelated to the migraines, and the chances of my having both of them are 1 in 10,000,000 according to the latest info.

i'm convinced it's harder on parents to watch their kid suffer than it is on the kids sometimes.

my Mom has had to fight many battles for me... getting me the care i need/deserve, health insurance, even being aggressive after my surgeries in getting proper pain management when nurses simply didn't understand how i could have such a high pain threshold. i've asked her if she's disappointed that she thought she had a healthy kid & now she has this.

of course it's hard, of course she's rather me be healthy (mostly for my sake), but she HAS me. after one surgery i could easily have died, and she realizes i could have complications at any time which could kill me. but dealing with all of that is NOTHING compared to the pain she would feel if i was gone.

you will face the same kind of battle. and in those moments, you will be able to think of Isaac, and know that part of his legacy is allowing you to cope with his little sister's challenges.

Sonya said...

I have goosebumps. God is good. God is faithful. God is amazing. I wish you all the luck in the world with this pregnancy. I hope everything checked out ok at your appointment yesterday.

Sarah St. Onge said...

I recently delivered my "rainbow" baby. She was born exactly one week after her big sisters second birthday in heaven.

I understand the bittersweet experience of hitting all of the current pregnancy milestones the same time that you did with Isaac.

I will be keeping you in my prayers.

Molly said...

I'm not sure why your blog hasn't been showing up in my feed but it hasn't. I am a long time follower. Began reading your letters to Isaac when you were going through it. It's nice to see your blog in my feed again. You have a beautiful family and I wish you peace as you grow.

Cheryl said...

After we lost our daughter, we found out that we were due 3 days before the first anniversary of her death, so I can understand some of what you are feeling. Please know that I am praying for you.