He's My Son

In case you may not have figured out, I love music. Somehow it just captures my heart and speaks to my soul. Mark Schultz is an artist I am particularly fond of because his lyrics express things within me that my words never could. Here's the first verse and the chorus of one of his older songs called "He's My Son"...

I'm down on my knees again tonight
I'm hoping this prayer will turn out right
See there is a boy that needs Your help
I've done all that I can do myself

His mother is tired
I'm sure You can understand
Each night as he sleeps
She goes in to hold his hand
And she tries not to cry
As the tears fill her eyes

CHORUS:
Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place somehow
See, he's not just anyone
He's my son

I always was touched by the pain that this child's parents were experiencing... now I can relate.

Today we had our marathon day at Children's National Medical Center. I wish that I had some positive news to report. In some ways I do. The cystic hygroma is gone, and the cardiologist said that she thinks the heart looks normal. It was still difficult for them to see all that they needed to.

However, the overall report we received today was devastating. The omphalocele is much larger than they had thought. It not only includes the intestines and liver, but also the stomach and part of the bladder. In addition, a new problem arose. Our little boy's spine has an extremely sharp curvature (about 90 degrees) forward, about midway down his back, though higher up then where your back typically bends. It is also bent sideways somewhat. There is also an issue with the spinal cord, something about it being teathered. Consequently, his lungs are extremely small and not developing normally. They are suspecting something called hypoplasia of the lungs.

One of the difficulties with repairing an omphalocele with a normal spine and normal lungs can be breathing difficulties for the baby in the short term. However, with the underdeveloped lungs, the spine the way that it is, and the extremely small abdominal cavity, things do not look good. Although the omphalocele is fixable, the underdeveloped lungs and spine are not.

When we asked the doctors point blank, they said that there's a very strong likelihood that our little boy will die shortly after birth because his lungs would be too underdeveloped to allow him to breathe on his own.

Needless to say, Spencer and I are completely devastated and crushed. Although we knew this could be what we heard today, it wasn't what we were expecting. We really were expecting God to show up in a big way. Maybe He has and I have yet to recognize it.

We could really use your prayers for peace and for wisdom in some pretty significant decisions we're going to need to make with regard to medical intervention. I would also really appreciate your prayers for the boldness to love our baby well while he's still here with us... that I would enjoy feeling him kick and move, even though I know my time with him will most likely be extremely short.

I'll end with some more song lyrics. This is a song Todd Smith (from Selah) and his wife Angie wrote for their little girl, Audrey, who passed away shortly after birth. I changed the word "her" to "him".

"I Will Carry You"

There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?

People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this

So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years

I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says...

I've shown him photographs of time beginning
Walked him through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love him like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you

Thanks for your continued prayers and encouragement. We definitely need them :)