7 Months (and a few updates)

I woke up this morning and tried to figure out what I wanted to say today on Isaac's 7-month birthday. To be completely honest I don't know. What I do know is that I still miss my soon like crazy and would give anything to have him here.

It's still a roller coaster... some days missing Isaac so much I feel like I can barely breathe; and other days feeling like I have started to hope again. The thing I have been realizing lately is that hope can feel so scary...I think, at least in part, because it leaves me vulnerable, almost as if I am bracing myself for the bottom to fall out and things to fall apart again. And yet I know that even if the bottom were to fall out, God would graciously be there to catch us, uphold us, and carry us.

I was reading a blog post this morning about another family with a baby boy named Isaac, who also left his mommy and daddy way too soon. The father was recounting the beginning of C.S. Lewis's A Grief Observed which said, "No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear." It is so true. It really does... there is a lot of fear tied up in grief. That's something I have spent a lot of time lately trying to think about and pray through. There are so many places in the scriptures where we are told to "fear not" and that "perfect love casts out fear."

But as I am learning, especially recently, is that in addition to the sadness of missing Isaac, the longing for him to be here, the confusion of not udnerstanding why it had to happen this way, the anger that it did... there's also fear.

God has been very gracious in the way He has continued to provide for us, uphold us, and guard us with His peace these past 7 months... and even before, as we learned about the road we'd be walking with Isaac. Despite the grief, we see that... and we see how He continues to show us how He is making beauty from ashes.

A couple of updates...

1- Many folks have been asking about the playground. Thank you for checking in on that! Our new church building is still being constructed. It was originally slated to be completed this fall. I am not sure if that is still the plan... you know how timetables go with construction. After the church building is finished, the playground will be installed shortly thereafter. I will for sure continue to update you all on the playground's progress, especially once we have pictures!!

2- Folks have also been asking about ways you can help support Isaac's Golf Tournament. We appreciate you asking. There's a planning meeting next week for the tournament, and at that time, we hope to discuss how folks can be involved from afar. I will be sure to let you know once we have a more concrete list of specifics.

Thank you so much for continuing to pray for us and for remembering our sweet little boy, particularly this week with Mother's Day approaching.