Commas, Periods, and Everything In Between

There's this saying that goes, "Don't put a period where God has placed a comma." I forget who is credited for having said it. Truth be known, this little saying used to bring me some sort of comfort when faced with life's disappointments, because I would just think to myself, "Ok. So maybe God's response is 'not yet' instead of 'no.'"

Now, this little statement just confuses me. Lately, I have been wondering, "How do I really know which one it is?"

After my miscarriage back in November 2007, I felt like it was a comma. Though heartbroken over the loss of that child, particularly after having been told that everything looked great with that pregnancy, I could wrap my head around the fact that a first trimester miscarriage is more common than many people may realize. I found a way to somehow be okay with having fallen into that lovely 20% of people who miscarry in the first trimester. And so, I felt like God was putting a comma on our desire to start a family. "Not yet... but one day..."

Sitting here on the other side of having birthed and buried a child, I am just not sure that I know any more. Was Isaac another comma? A period? And what of his life... a period? Or a comma?

I had a conversation recently with someone about how after my miscarriage, it wasn't too difficult to get back to the "When we have children..." thing; but now, I find myself saying "If..." The whole having our own children at home to raise no longer feels like a guarantee, and to be honest, that's knocked me a bit off kilter. Perhaps it's the realization that we were the ones who found the 1/10,000 odds; or, perhaps it's that I am learning more about God's sovereignty and who I am in light of it.

Because you see, I am not sure that whether it's a comma or a period totally matters. Whether Isaac's life here on Earth is viewed as a period because it is over, or as a comma because the time between now and when I see him again in heaven is a "not yet" doesn't change the fact that he's not here.

What has changed is my regard for our desire to start a family in light of God's sovereignty... wondering if I am or will ever be okay if at this point, he had placed a period on that desire.

The honest answer is, I don't know.

I would like to think that we've had our fair share of commas and periods, and we're due for a few rounds of exclamation points (in a good way!) if you know what I mean! But it doesn't work that way. There isn't a checklist for having suffered and endured certain life difficulties so that the next time, everything works out just fine.

Because God is sovereign. And while I still find myself completely confused at times about what He is up to, I know He is in control... even when I don't like what He has allowed. Even when it feels like our lives have been punctuated with so many commas and periods lately while others have had exclamation point after exclamation point... He is sovereign.

I remember being on the elliptical at my gym, about 20-some weeks pregnant with Isaac, reading an article in People magazine about Steven Curtis Chapman and his family shortly after their daughter, Maria, had died. Steven said something in his interview with People that just really struck me. He said (and I am paraphrasing), "The only thing scarier than going through this with my faith, would be to go through it alone, cursing God."

So when the confusion sets in and life has been marked with punctuation I would rather not see... when I desire to trust Him even when I am afraid of what He may have for us... what is there to do?

Lay it at his feet.

Hebrews 4:14-16 says,

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

I guess the conclusion I have come to is that it doesn't really matter quite so much whether God has placed a comma or a period. What matters is to remember that He is sovereign, He is the same, and He can sympathize with us in our weaknesses and times of need. So we can go to Him, lay it all at His feet, and learn to trust and rest in who He is.

This is certainly not something I have perfected (don't let the cool punctuation anology from this English teacher fool you)! But I just feel like it's much easier to rest in knowing that when things feel out of control or don't make sense, that none of it is a surprise to God.