Friday, May 29, 2009

Blurry Vision

Last night Spencer was working re-caulking some areas in our shower. Well, actually, he never made it to the re-caulking part because as he was trying to get the caulk to come out, it squirted every which way... and one of those ways was straight into his right eye. He flushed it with water for 15 minutes, and then, per the recommendation of our nurses' hotline with the insurance company, went to the emergency room. They irrigated his eye with a full bag of saline solution (ouch!), gave him a few prescriptions for eye drops and eye cream, told him to not use his eyes for 24 hours (what?!) and sent him on his way.

His eye was quite red and felt scratchy. Spence said that he felt like there was this white film over it and that he couldn't quite see clearly.

If you've been to the ER, you know that you do a lot of.... waiting. I thought about how so often our lives are like that... like walking around with blurry vision. We want so badly to see clearly... to understand, to be able to make sense of life's disappointments, hurts, and even catastrophes. Sometimes it's our circumstances that cause the blurry vision, sometimes it's our response to them. Most often, though, I think it's our humanness... the fact that we just don't see the full picture. And if you're like me... you want to. At least, I think I do.

I was reminded of the oh-so-familiar passage that we, as I am sure some of you, had read at your weddings. It comes from 1 Corinthians 13, and while most often this passage is read because of its description of love, this is the part that stuck out to me:

9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:9-12

I know that now I see just a poor reflection... I have blurry vision. Things in life don't always make sense... reasons are often unclear, or unknown. I don't understand how and why God works the way He does sometimes. I only know part of the story. Some days that frustrates me, because with Isaac, the part I know is the part that hurts. I want so deeply to understand why Isaac couldn't be here with us longer; I want so deeply to know why it had to be my son. And sometimes the "whys" cause my vision to be blurry. In the midst of all of my blurry vision though, there is the One whose vision is not only perfectly clear, but more vast and wonderful than I could ever fathom... even when it hurts like crazy.

What a promise in verses 12 and 13... that one day I will know in full. One day I will meet Him, and Isaac, face to face... on no longer will my vision be blurry. It will be crystal clear.

Lastly, if you haven't checked out the Sponbergs' blog, you should. Nicol Sponberg used to sing in Selah, and is working on releasing a solo album this summer. She and her husband, Greg, lost their second child, Luke, to SIDS on May 27th last year. She has written a song in honor of Luke that will be on her solo album. Click here to get to the Sonbergs' to view the video and listen to this absolutely beautiful song.

15 comments:

Cynthia said...

Everytime I come here I wish that I would find some magic words to give you comfort and peace (even if only for a few mintues).Maybe sometimes it helps, maybe not but I am still thinking of you and praying, always. I hope that his eye gets better.

boltefamily said...

Oh I so look forward to the day when things are clear. YOu are so right though for now we must just wait knowing that God makes good on his promises and one day the "big picture" will be revealed.

I think of and pray for you often. Thank you for this insight. I ALWAYS love coming to read your words!

Tammy On the Go said...

I love how God can put himself into our every day circumstances...beautiful.

Monica @ Writer Chic said...

Thank you, Stacy. xoxox

Holly said...

I look forward to the day when everything will be clear and I can say "Ah ha!" God can tell me, "See? I told you I knew what I was doing."

Sonya said...

Wow that sucks about Spencer's eye. I hope he feels better soon! You are able to spin things into beautiful words. I just want you to know that. I probably wouldn't have been able to come up with such a beautiful post about Blurry Vision!!

I finished reading "a grace disguised" yesterday. Thank you again for the recommendation. It taught me a lot of things and I couldn't help thinking about you and your situation the entire time I was reading the book. I continue to pray for you and Spencer every day.

Anonymous said...

As the saying goes, ours is not to question "why" but to try to understand and accept the "why not?" We may never know the answers to our difficult questions and situations, but the remedy is to ask God to get us through it, with his Grace.

nikki wood said...

You explained it so well...I too have blurry vision. It makes sense when I read what you have wrote. My prayers are with you.

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Beautiful, as always, sweet Stacy...and so true. We do have "blurry vision" sometimes. And one sweet day, all will be clear...

Praying for comfort and healing for Spencer's eye...

Love to you...

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

I don't know if I contacted you yet about this...my mind is going in a thousand directions these days...but I would like to send a Dreams of You Memory Package to Monica. Do you know how I could get it to her? Would you be willing to send it on if I sent it to you? Or I could send it directly to her if that would be O.K. Please let me know...

Paige said...

Stacy,

I have been stopping by your blog for a couple of months now and have never commented. I am not sure how I came across it to begin with, but it has truly been a blessing to my life. I cannot relate to you and your story in so many ways, yet your posts speak to my heart, a heart that is trying to live a life pleasing to God each and every day.

I have blurry vision in my life right now, and I know that stopping by our blog tonight was not a coincidence. I needed to read those words. Thank you for such a great post and a reminder of God's faithfulness to us, even when our vision is blurry.

Praying for you!

Amanda said...

There is something so comforting in reading your words as they have been my exact thoughts recently. Lately, especially as the first anniversary of Gavin's birth and death have passed, I have ached to understand why this happened to my precious son and our family. One day it will become clear, but for now we have to hold tight to our belief that God is good and he never leaves us. Sometimes, in the really dark moments though it is just hard not to be the mommy who aches for her child and is angry that he is not here with her. Thank you for always helping me realize that I am not alone.

Blessings,
Amanda
Forever missing Gavin 4/7-5/3/08

Ruth said...

Dear, I love your writings and your pointing us to Christ. Thank-you! for your faithful witness in the midst of your great pain and heartache. I also just finished reading A Grace Disguised and LOVED it. Very profound and helpful! I can't stop recommending it to anyone who will listen. I think that it relates to so much of our life here on this earth. I pruchased many of the other books that you recommended so I have to get reading, oh, darn, i'm sure that they will prove as helpful as the last one. Thank-You so much for sharing your life with me and your walk through this grief. Very helpful. Just wanted to selfishly ask for prayer as we are approaching Renner's and mine shared birthday. June 25th. I still can't believe it. I am preparing myself for the worst and am desiring to trust in God that He is be with me and will bless me and provide me with the comfort that only He can provide that can be in the hole that is the absence of my sweet Ren. Thank-you again and may God be with you this week.

Jen said...

Oh how I understand blury vision! But I remember that the Lord gives us enough light to put one foot in front of the other.

Just kindly, Sweet, the song was written by Jason Ingram, the day Copeland Farley went to be with Jesus http://conorbootheandgirls.blogspot.com/2007/09/home_30.html

jayne said...

Oh! having an blurry eye is not a simple matter ,let us be identify the need for specific procedure and be responsible for conducting the procedure safely for this.

laser eye correction