Monday, September 7, 2009

11 Months

The fact that this is the last "month marker" we'll pass for Isaac is hitting me hard this morning. I wish so much that I was picking out invitations and planning his first birthday party; but instead, Spencer and I are figuring out how to remember Isaac on October 7th in a different way. For the last few months, I had sort of felt like I was in a holding pattern, but these past couple of weeks with fall beginning to make its presence known, and with October 7 drawing nearer, I have found myself missing Isaac in such a fresh way.

At some point, and I am not quite sure when, I went from missing the little baby boy who was born on October 7 of last year, to starting to miss the 9, 10, and now 11 month-old baby boy who I long to have here with us... a little boy who can crawl, pull himself up, has a few teeth, or maybe even take a few steps by now (at least, if he took after his mom!). It's all hard to put into words... the fact that you can miss someone in a fresh, new way. But I do. A lot.

There's this old saying that goes, "There's no rest for the weary." In some ways, our schedule over the last year would indicate that. As I was driving (somewhere... I don't remember) the other day, I began thinking about that phrase in a different way... how we KNOW rest for the weary. I suppose my Reading/English teacher mind comes up with things like that.

I began thinking about the last two years of our lives, really... my mother-in-law's diagnosis of cancer (from which she is now cancer-free!), my miscarriage at 13 weeks, and then our sweet Isaac. Suffice it to say that Spencer and I have felt extremely weary over the last two years... particularly, these last 15 or 16 months. Yet as I thought through all that the Lord has allowed us to endure, I also was struck by His promise in Matthew 11:28-29, a passage that seems to be popping up everywhere lately...

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

I am so thankful that the worn out, the wounded, the hurting, the burdened, and the weary can KNOW rest. I know we have... in the midst of loss, grief, heartache, and missing someone more than I thought was humanly possible, God has been faithful in allowing us to rest in Him.

So, the next time life takes you down a path where you feel like there's no rest for the weary... remember that the weary can KNOW rest when those burdens are placed at the feet of Jesus.

32 comments:

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

I'm so grateful for the rest we find in His arms...praying that you are able to find a resting place there always...

Trennia said...

(((HUGS)))

Lauren said...

Great post! We love you and are thinking of you and missing sweet Isaac today too!

Paige said...

Have you heard the "Lay 'Em Down" by Need to Breathe? If not, you can search their video on youtube. It brought tears to my eyes- but the message is the same as your post this morning! We can't do this alone, but have to lay all our burdens at the feet of Jesus. Praying that God brings you comfort as Isaac's birthday approaches- my husband and I spent our baby girls birthday together on a short trip out of town. It was a great way to remember her and appreciate each other and what we had been through together!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing this, I so needed to remind myself that there is rest for the weary. I have been going through a struggle with my son's use of alcohol and drugs on and off for years, it cropped up again recently. I have felt so worn out and weary................ Thank you for reminding me of the rest we have in God when we lay our burdens at his feet.

Sarah said...

Prayin for you and Spencer today. Today is our 1 month mark, and it's so hard. Love you, Sarah

Trisha Larson said...

I haven't read that verse before. Or I should say that I haven't been impacted by that verse before. Very appropriate...grief is exhausting!

I still find it amazing that God knows each of us personally and gives us all different verses. You would think that there would be 1 verse to minister to Mommy's whose children have died, but He doesn't do that. Every Mommy seems to have a different verse that God keeps pushing forward in their lives. It's great to see how God is working in someone's life just by reading their blog. For me, it's Phil 4:4 - Rejoice in the Lord, always. Still a work in progress...

I'm so sorry that you are hurting. I know how hard the "dates" are.

Hugs,
Trisha

Jacksmom said...

I was thinking about you guys last night, and how hard it must be to think about what Isaac would be doing now, etc., and how a month from today will be a year. Just want you to know that Archie and I are thinking about you guys. *HUGS*

Sara said...

You never cease to amaze me at your wisdome, Stacy. Praying for you always.

Once A Mother said...

your faith through this grief amazes me. thinking of you as you approach your little one's birthday. our Peyton's was this past Friday, I understand how bittersweet a day it will be for you. Hugs

Dr Dandle said...

I can't imagine how difficult it must be to see young children, and imagine what Isaac would be up to at that age. I am thinking of you, especially as next month is October.

Brie said...

I lost my twin daughters in November last year, I followed your story while I was on bed rest. we are also starting to plan a memorial for our girls. I just wanted to share an idea you might want to include, we are going to buy pink and purple balloons and write messages on them and release them up to our girls. Maybe some blue balloons for Isaac? Just an idea. Wishing you well.

The Writer Chic said...

Woke up with you on my heart this morning. I can relate to your post in a new way this month, too. Now that we've passed Duncan's actual due date, we're in the timeframe that he actually WOULD have been here, whereas all the motnhs prior to this, I missed him, but not so much, because he wasn't SUPPOSED to be here, you know?

Anyways, I love you and will be praying for you with a renewed fervor in the next 30 days.

Amy said...

Your such a tremendous encouragement to me, and your words have such truth!

I will be praying for you and Spencer in this next month as you search for ways to honor your little boy on his Birthday!

Holly said...

I know that I think of the things that Carleigh should be doing. She'd be rolling over and getting close to sitting up on her own. I miss these things. How can you miss something so much that never happened?

Happy 11 months in Heaven, Isaac

Desiree said...

Thinking about you, Spencer, and Isaac. You are truly an inspiration. I am praying for strength for you as October approaches.

Briana said...

That is a beautiful way to change that saying. I will never hear it again without thinking about you and Isaac. We are praying for you guys today and thinking about your sweet Isaac.

Kristen said...

Stacy,

You continue to be an amazing mother to Isaac...the way that you live your life...so beautifully honoring his life and his Creator, it is such a bittersweet thing to witness through your blog. I am thankful for the many ways that God is using you to minister to others through your imense pain and suffering, and while I'm thankful that God is using you...it doesn't change how incredibly sorry I am for your loss. On a more personal note...God has used you in my life this year to remind me of many things, but especially of the hope we have even during pain and trials. You have faced unimaginable pain...yet here you are allowing God to use you to care for others in the midst of it. I struggle with the fear of losing someone precious to me...my son Jack, while stable, has many issues with his health. I don't usually blog at about the specifics, but there are a lot of unknowns for what the future holds for him. Your blog, your story, are some of the things God is actively using to remind me that I have to let go of my fears and surrender to Him. I fight it so hard, but slowly God is working on me. Thank you for bravely allowing God to use you and sweet little Isaac to show that He really is a God who saves. Praying for you...

T.S. said...

We've been thinking of you guys and praying this weekend. Love, T

Misty Rice said...

Im in tears today...I read a happy blog that my friend from school welcomed yesterday their son Rustin Walker. Then a few blogs down my list I read a blog friend of mine of her painful ache of wanting to have her son here again. It still seems so fresh. As I look down your blog just gazing at the photos of Isaac and remember all the things I remember about him, I cry.

I ache for you. I wish you didn't have to miss your son these long 11 months.

Hang in there friend.

Tammy On the Go said...

this is beautiful and thank you...our family is weary for other reasons and I needed this.
love,
Tammy

Bluebird said...

Thinking of you and Spencer over the next days and months as you face this anniversary. . .

Sonya said...

Great post. There was a message at church about this very thing several weeks ago and strangely my mind went to you. Funny how God works things like that!! I will be praying for your family as always but definitely over the next month as Issac's birthday draws near.

Ocrakate said...

I read your blog a day "late", but God's timing is perfect (of course!), and this morning my Bible study included that very verse. The way she explained it really opened it up to me, so I would like to share it with you.

This is from Conversation Peace: The Power of Transformed Speech by Mary A. Kassian

"Jesus invited people to take on His yoke and learn from Him. His "yoke" referred to the process of training a young bullock to plow. To train a bullock, farmers harnessed it to the same yoke as a mature ox. The young bullock, which was dwarfed in size by the large animal, did not pull any of the weight. It merely learned to walk in a field under control, harnessed to a partner. The ox pulled all the weight and set the direction for the youngster, whose only responsibility was to walk alongside.
Jesus invited people to enter into a learning relationship with Him. He, the teacher, was the ox and His students the young bullocks. He promised that those who bound themselves to Him in this apprenticeship would not bear a heavy load. He would bear the load and set direction for them. They would merely need to walk alongside."

I don't post comments often, but love the blog. Your example of "walking alongside" Jesus in your life has ministered to me more than I can ever express. Isaac has blessed (and continues to bless) me hugely. Thanks for sharing your walk.

AKD said...

The wisdom, faith, and grace you have at this time is so very touching, and such a wonderful tribute to Isaac.

God bless you during this time.

Laura said...

Thinking of you...praying you find rest for your aching heart. You are walking this journey so beautifully, in the midst of the heartache.

Sending love...

Lynn said...

Thank you for sharing this, Stacy. Although for different reasons I am feeling very weary, I so needed to be reminded of what Jesus asks us to do and promises in return. You have so faithfully and generously shared what the Lord is showing you and in turn minister to so many others. I've been praying for you on yet another "seven." Much love to you and Spencer.

Rachel said...

What a gorgeous post! You really touched my heart and, as a mother to a baby in heaven, I think that when we can remember them in a way that brings glory to God we've honored them and Him. I don't know why this happened to you or me or anyone else but I know that when we can use our babies' lives to point to Jesus, it gives their lives that much more meaning.

Saying a prayer for you today...

Jessica said...

here from LFCA....what a beautiful post and so eloquent. Praying for you during this time.

The Morris Family said...

I do not think the "dates" will ever cease to penetrate our hearts and minds. Its been 2 1/2 years and sometimes it almost hurts worse, yet like you I find grace in our Savior and His truths. I wrote a post yesterday and I think we are both getting to drink from a well but we had to travel through the Samaria.

Cindy

Jen said...

Hi! I found your blog several months ago and have been reading, but have never commented. Your post today really touched my heart. I just wanted to let you know that I will be praying for you both as Isaac's first birthday is approaching. We lost twin girls unexpectedly NINE years ago and I still miss them terribly. I understand the "missing someone in a new way" all too well. Just wanted you to know that you are close in prayer.

Lorraine-bo said...

Thank you for another honest and touching post.

God bless.