Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Therein Lies The Miracle

I remember so clearly during my pregnancy with Isaac praying for that miracle... the one in which God would prove Isaac's diagnosis wrong... The one in which for no good medical reason Isaac made it... The one in which Isaac was healed on this side of Heaven... The one in which those around us who didn't believe in God at all couldn't help but then believe.

After all, the stage was set. The doctors had said he had no chance of living after he was born. And other doctors had said that his condition, though his genetics, brain, and heart were all just fine, could not be treated. It was the perfect story... one set up for a miraculous ending... the one in which God saves the day by healing our son and sparing his life.

And when it didn't happen that way... when Isaac's story was much, much shorter here on Earth that I would have ever hoped, I spent a long time wondering: "God, you are capable of miracles... where was it?"

It has taken me a long time to come to the place where I now understand this: I was only looking for one kind of miracle.

And because of that, I had been blind to the fact that the Lord HAD in fact performed a miracle... one different than that for which so many had prayed... but a miracle, still.

You see, when confronted with unthinkable tragedy, we only have two choices: fight or flight.

We can either go to the wrestling mat with God, like so many past heroes of the faith; or, we can walk away.

"God, you didn't heal my son..." Fight, or flight?

"God, you promise a hope and a future... where is it?" Fight, or flight?

"God, you provided Abraham a ram in the thicket... where was OUR ram?" Fight, or flight?

So while the miracle we, and so many of you had prayed for, never came to fruition, the Lord has still performed a miracle in our lives through our sweet son:

Even when the unthinkable has happened, we are still standing. We are still okay. And we still have faith, hope, and trust in the One whose ways are higher than ours.

And this is not of ourselves...

It would be easier to run. It would be easier to give up on a God who allows your son to die. But that is just it... even in our brokenheartedness... our questions... our frustration with Him... our lack of understanding, and even lack of trust because we just couldn't seem to reconcile our circumstances with the truth of who God is... God never gave up on us. He continued to pursue our hearts, to help us understand, and to bring us to a deeper level of faith and dependence on Him.

Countless people, particularly women I have encountered who have also suffered the loss of a child have asked me this: How in the world do you go through this and still remain strong in your fatih?

That is just it: I am not strong. But He is. And therein lies the miracle: that life's deepest tragedies can be suffered, but that one thing remains: His love never fails... it never gives up... never runs out on me. And so faith remains... hope remains... and love remains... Because He is the great I AM, and will never change... not even in the most painful of circumstances.


Heather said...

Beautiful post, Stacy. So, so true. And congrats on another little one on the way!

Trisha Larson said...

I have wrestled with GOD a lot since my son died 5 years ago. I prayed and prayed and prayed for healing. I thought that He had answered when the doctors told us that he was healthy enough to go home. Then...unexpectedly, he went code blue in my arms only 2 hours later due to a hospital mistake and they never got him back.

Oh how I wrestled with God for years. It was hard to see other people receive their miracles when mine was denied.

But you are right, I look at it differently now. My faith is stronger and I am able to help others walk a difficult path. I still struggle with it...I don't think that I will ever be "okay" with this plan for my life. Burying a child is never okay. But I am grateful for the lessons I've learned about how to treat people and the perspective that I've gained.


Erika said...

stacy, i was JUST talking to my best friend, Ann, about this very thing over the weekend!!!! wow!!!

Anonymous said...

So very well said. Really touched home on a many levels.

Sonya said...

I am so glad you are posting again. You have such an amazing way with words. You can put down in a post things that are rumbling around in my head but yet I can't make them sound like this!

When my brother died almost 10 years ago I was in a dark place and questioned God many times. It took me a while to see exactly what God did through that tragic situation.

Julie said...

This was beautiful. Thank you for sharing. :)

Sarah St. Onge said...

This is just so beautiful, and something I have been contemplating deeply for the last few days- thank you for blessing me with your insight.

Please keep posting- I know it is difficult with little ones about, but you have a wonderful way of sharing your faith and I look forward to every post.

Yours was the first story I found after our daughter was diagnosed with Limb Body Wall Complex, and was a lifeline to me when I felt so alone.

Thank you for taking time out of your schedule to share your thoughts.

Lynsie said...

Haven't visited your blog in a really long time but I've been catching up. I love this post. Thanks for sharing. You have a special way of sharing God's truth.