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It's hard for me to go six days without providing an update of some sort; but to be honest, this past week has been tremendously difficult, and I had trouble putting my finger on what it was and what God would have me take from it. I am still not completely sure that I know, but I felt like a new post was long overdue. But, I don't have a title for this post. That's why it's Untitled.

Over the last few days, I have just felt really restless and like there was just this huge weight on my soul. Things at work have been tremendously difficult for a whole host of reasons (thankfully, there is some comic relief in working with middle school students!), and truthfully, it has been hard being in a new school this year in light of all that has happened. And then, it all came together for me on Tuesday as to where this restlessness was stemming from.

You see, last year I interviewed for the teaching position I currently hold on April 15th. It was a Tuesday. That Friday, April 18, I went back for a second interview and was offered the position. I was 12 weeks pregnant with Isaac at this point. I decided to take some time to think and pray about the position over the weekend, but really felt like I was being lead in the direction of taking the job. It is significantly closer to where we live, and I thought it would be a wise decision to be working much closer to home for when the baby came.

That weekend, my wonderful mom took my sister and I to New York for the weekend as a belated birthday gift. It was great... we saw Wicked, ate a fabulous Italian restaurant, did some shopping, and even stood outside to wave at the cameras during the broadcasting of the Today show. The only downer was that I felt like my pregnancy symptoms had suddenly dropped. But, I put that aside, and enjoyed the weekend.

We returned home late Sunday night, and I had already taken Monday off. So, still feeling a little uneasy in the sudden drop of symptoms, I called my doctor and they were very kind to have me come in for a heartbeat check.

On my way to the appointment that Monday, I called and accepted the new teaching position and was quite excited to be cutting my commute by two thirds... that would definitely mean extra time with the baby...so I thought.

Upon arriving at the doctor's office, they took me in right away and searched for Isaac's heartbeat on the doppler. After about 10 minutes of trying, they couldn't find it. So, the whisked us back for an ultrasound. They found Isaac's heartbeat, but it was at this time that they found his extremely large cystic hygroma and omphalocele. We met with my doctor, and were immediately referred to a genetic counselor at the maternal-fetal medicine group. It was then that we were told that Isaac had a 5-10% chance of living. After meeting with the genetic counselor, we went immediately to have a CVS done. As far as I knew, life felt like it had just completely unraveled. That was April 21st of last year. No wonder it's been such a difficult week.
One of the things that has been hard lately is that for many people, everything with Isaac seems to be old news. There's a very clear divide in our lives between the people who are still willing, wanting, and able to talk about him with us, and those who are not. And so, when confronted with weeks like this, it can be hard to explain why they're difficult. I don't know if the time surrounding when we were first given Isaac's poor prognosis will always be difficult like I would expect other days, like October 7th, to be; but I do know that this year it was. It's really hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that that was already a year ago.

Today I had lunch with a friend. I call her a friend because it was also around this time last year that she and I connected. Lauren's daughter, Norrah, had been given a poor prenatal prognosis as well. I am happy to report that Norrah was born on July 1st of last year and is here with her precious mom, dad, and sister Izzy. Throughout my pregnancy with Isaac, Lauren and I would joke about he and Norrah being friends, maybe even falling in love??, and the like. I was amazed by God's goodness in providing Lauren as a warrior of prayer and source of encouragement. She had a beautiful quilt made for Isaac, sent me this really cool pregnancy t-shirt, made Isaac a CD since she knew I loved to play him music. She has such a compassionate heart, and meeting her for lunch today was like getting together with an old friend. It was refreshing to be around someone who wanted to talk about Isaac, ask to see his pictures, and who reminded me of God's faithfulness in it all. My soul needed that. And wouldn't you know it, even though I brought my camera, I forgot to take a picture! Next time...

I continue to be amazed at how, in His graciousness, the Lord has surrounded us with so many people who have supported us and upheld us... who have been our stretcher bearers and the hands and feet of Jesus to us. Some of you I have the honor of knowing in real life; others of you I only know via this wonderful tool known as the internet; and others still, I have "met" through this blog (I call you my "blog friends") and have had the privilege of meeting in real life.

I just want you to know that we are thankful for you.

This continues to be a journey, and I have full confidence in the fact that God continues to be very present, even in the days that are hard. To Him be the glory...

And stay tuned this week for more information about Isaac's Golf Tournament!!!