Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Moses

There are two women whose blogs I frequent regularly. Both of these women recently carried babies to term, or close to it, who they knew had a slim chance of survival, barring a miracle. Like me, their doctors may have discussed termination with them numerous times. Like me, their prenatal sheets may have also read "unviable fetus." That phrase bothers me... don't those doctors know that they're talking about my son? My Isaac? That's besides the point, here, though.

Both of these women recently wrote about Moses on their blogs. I admit, I don't usually spend a lot of time in the Old Testament. Particularly in times of trial. If I do, it's usually in Psalms. This past weekend, however, I did read through most of Job. After seeing what they had written, I decided to take a look at these passages about Moses in Exodus... passages I have read before, but haven't revisited in quite a while. Specifically, I was captivated by Exodus 3 and 4.

You may be familiar with the "Sunday School" story of Moses and the burning bush. God appears to Moses and calls to him. I was struck by what I read in chapter 3 verse 6, which says, Then he said, "I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob." This might seem ordinary, unless you have a son named Isaac. I was so glad to remember that God isn't just God of the universe, but that He's my God... and He's Isaac's God.

As the passage continues, God tells Moses that He wants him to go to Pharoah and lead the Israelites out of Egypt. This is obviously no small task, and one for which Moses feels very ill-equipped. He makes that clear by the numerous questions he then asks God...

"Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?"

"Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, 'The God of your fathers has sent me to you,' and they ask me, 'What is his name?' Then what shall I tell them?" "What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, 'The LORD did not appear to you'?"

"O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue."


Each time Moses protests, God answers him.

Eventually, Moses just plainly beckons God and says, "O Lord, please send someone else to do it."

I found that so refreshing. Moses, who is given as an example of one who had great faith... even he felt that God's call was more than he would be able to bear and asked for someone to go in his place.

The path that God has called Spencer and me to feels like more than I can bear. I feel so much like Moses, with so many questions and so many reasons why I am not capable of carrying a cross this heavy.

In response to Moses, God tells him that his brother, Aaron, is already on his way. God has gone before Moses and prepared a way for him by sending his brother Aaron.

I know that the same is true for Spencer and I. God has gone before us in this. In some ways, I see that very clearly already. In other ways, I know I have yet to see it unfold, but am hoping to have the eyes and heart to recognize it when I do.

This Friday we have another ultrasound. It was supposed to be next week, but for various reasons I moved it up. Would you please pray that we would be able to enjoy our time "visiting" with Isaac and getting to see him? Those moments can be very bittersweet. Would you please pray that the doctors would find nothing else wrong? At my last ultrasound, there was mention that the omphalocele (the abdominal hernia) may have started to attach itself to my body. The perinatologist didn't seem overly concerned, but since nothing would surprise me at this point, I very much was. Would you please continue to seek God with us an asking Him for a miracle? And lastly, would you please pray that God would continue to strengthen our hearts, help us to not lose hope of one day having a healthy child, and that He would make His perfect peace very real to us?

10 comments:

Daberath said...

I hope tomorrow brings you peace and good news. I can not imagine the pain you are barring, but I ask God to guide you as you walk through this journey.

Noah's Mommy said...

We must read the same blogs. I too have decided to revisit Exodus. Praying for you

Devon Rene said...

Praying for you....You are such an amazing mommy already. Issac is a lucky boy!

The road ahead is hard but take it one day at a time, one moment. And I promise you will look back and see the Lord walking with you each of those moments, even when you may have felt He wasn't.

Hugs...

Monica said...

Praying, praying, praying. Seth is wearing me down these last fews days -- missing Daddy in Canada, and teeth, I think -- but with each cry, I think, "Oh that Stacy some day gets to be "worn down" by the cry of her son."

You keep me humble, girl. I'll be praying for your u/s on Friday.

Kara said...

My prayers go out to all three of you. God does have a plan. There is a reason for Isaac and the fact that HE gave you this cross to bear. Good luck with the ultrasound!

Angela said...

I continue to lift you up in prayer every day. Thank you for sharing how I can be more specific with my prayers.

Kristi said...

You still continue to minister to me and I lift your family up in prayer every day. Thank you for being so honest about your feelings. It helps me to know you feel that way too. Your strong faith remains very evident. Even Jesus wept. I have moments where I feel incredibly strong and carried. Then, out of the blue, the tears flow and I sob. I get so scared sometimes, but I still cling to Him.
I just started my own blog. Would you mind if I put a link to yours on it? I don't have your email address, but here is mine again: knankeinca@yahoo.com

Jen said...

My heart aches for you. I will absolutely pray for you, presious, most blessed mother.

So Blessed said...

Praying for you...as you go for the sonogram tomorrow. May you feel the comfort of the everlasting arms holding you close.

Brittany said...

Stacy,
I do not know you but I am friend of a friend of yours. My son who's name is Brennen was born with something called a diapraghmatic hernia, he had a 20% chance of survival. His entire bowl, liver, kidneys and pancreas were developing inside his chest cavity and there were no lungs to be found and a small heart. I did not know this when I was pregnant. He was in the NICU for 2 months and had corrective surgery 7 days after birth and no food for 7 weeks. He was blessed with life. My experience is more simply stated that what I actually went through.
I just wanted to tell you that you are so strong, and a good faithful mother. I hope you know that! Your words are so strong and are such an example to everyone. I know that you like music, I and some of my fellow mothers that have endured pain and suffering through their pregnancy's hold these two song close, One is "I will praise you in this Storm" by casting crowns. The other is "If you want me too" by Ginny Owens. God is so amazing yet confusing at times. We may not ever know why he does what he does or lets us feel what we feel, and sometimes life can be so bone-wrenching, horribly hard, BUT...we will never ever have to go through this life on earth alone!
I seem to re-live the past that Brennen had all the time, but like you said that taught me to love deeper, richer and in a differant light, not just brennen, but GOD. I am so glad that you are experiencing this life inside of you, Issac and you are bonding and he loves his mommy more that you can fathom. You know how God takes care of you and loves you and protects you, you are doing that for Issac. I always say this verse to myself......"my child is fearfully and wonderfully made!" Every creation of God is good work, and Issac is a testement of God's love for you and your husband, He is creating this most perfect child the way that God wants Issac to be.
I think you are such a strong woman stacy. I will continue to pray for your patience, perseverence, and your never ending commitment to your father in heaven. I will pray for your husband, as he watches over you and Issac, that he will remain strong in God's care. And for Issac....the fighter, that God will continue to Mold him, guide him and protect him. And for the Doctors, that whey will continue to disearn correctly and continue to be advocates for your family as you endure these days.
I also wanted to tell you that I had a c-section, and they are not that bad, medically speaking. I have a scar, but I love it, because no one else has one just like mine and mine reminds me of my joy, brennen. I would never change it.
I am proud of you.
Much love as your sister in christ.