Reflections

No real updates to share. My next doctor's appointment isn't until Friday, July 18. So for today, just a few reflections.

I have been overwhelmed by the e-mails and comments I have received from you, and
I wanted to share a couple of thoughts in response to the kind and encouraging words you all have left for me. First, in the ten years that I was as a Young Life leader, we frequently reflected on 1 Thessalonians 2:8 in leadership meetings, or at camp. This verse reads, We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.


In some ways it has been very theraputic for me to share this aspect of my life with you. Moreso, however, it is my hope that when you stop and linger here, you are able to see a greater glimpse of our Father... not because I have written eloquently (or not!), but because His presence is real. And so I hope that in some small way, this blog is a testament to 1 Thessalonians 2:8... that what you find here is not only my life, but the gospel of God.

Another thought I wanted to share stemmed from an e-mail I received from a dear friend who shared with me some encouragement from 1 Corinthians 1:26-31... Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.

I know that in some ways it may seem "foolish" to continue a pregnancy with a poor prognosis and the likelihood of a very grim outcome. Logic would say, why bother? This, though, isn't God's wisdom. God is bigger than all of this. I truly believe that at any time He could intervene and restore Isaac's health, just like He did for Abraham when he provided the ram in the thicket, when He healed the leper, when He made the lame man walk, and when He healed the bleeding woman. That's His choice and His perogative... not mine. All of Isaac's days have already been ordained, and I know that my job is simply to love him fully while he is with us.

You see, as I wrote in my letter to sweet Isaac this morning, he is already having an impact. His life matters... it has significance, both in the present, and eternally. To intervene with that would be foolish. Rather, I have the joy of getting to feel his little kicks and wiggles, and getting to see my son's life impact the lives of others. As a mother, there is no greater gift. I am so proud of him.

Lastly, many of you have commented on how you've been inspired by my faith. This is the part where verse 31 comes in... Let him who boasts, boast in the Lord. My faith can only be as genuine as to the degree that God is real, and that He is who He says He is. So I would encourage you, that if you've somehow been inspired by what you've read here, then be compelled to get to know Him more.

I also wanted to say that in no way is every day an easy day. In fact, most days are hard. It's hard to feel "normal." It's hard to see other young moms with their little ones at the pool, receive comments from strangers asking if this is my first baby, and every time I feel Isaac move and kick to know that unless God changes things, I will be asked to give him back. It's hard to love your baby so much, and know that you're going to have to give him away. So please don't think that there isn't grief and there isn't pain; there is. It's deep, and it's real. I would never want my faith to come across as a facade that masks any of that. Rather, God meets me in the midst of it. He provides just enough grace for each day... each moment, and shows me His peace. He has graciously allowed Isaac's story to impact the lives of others, and for that He is good.

I can't thank you enough for continuing to walk this road with us, for praying for us, and for your words of encouragement. They continue to be a source of strength.