Reminders...

I can remember when I first discovered I was pregnant the first time, and all of the innocent excitement that filled my heart and my mind as I dreamed about what it would be like to be a mom. I remember thoughts filled with "Next time we do such and such, the baby will be here!" and "Next Christmas we'll be buying presents for our own child!"

After my first miscarriage, though painful, it didn't take terribly long to push those thoughts, hopes, and dreams out of my mind. Until now.

It was easy because all of those "next times" were still far off. Not anymore. This Friday was the estimated due date from my first pregnancy. I remember thinking, "Maybe I'll get to celebrate Mother's Day this year." This year, I won't.

To complicate matters, my next doctor's appointment is Friday. I am not sure why I scheduled my appointment for that day, perhaps because I had already planned to take the day off. As it turns out, it's the only day my doctor will be in the office this week.

I wish I wasn't losing hope; but the combination of a current pregnancy with a poor prognosis and all of the "next times" starting to come around, it's hard. I feel burdened by the weight of the waiting, the pain, and the reality of hopes that haven't come to frutition.

I know that God redeems all things for good... I hope that I start to see that good real soon.