Monday, August 25, 2008

Truth

I wanted to take a few minutes to address a comment on my previous post saying that I was being judgemental. Please know that was not my intention; our appointment was extremely frustrating, and I hope the following helps to clarify that.

I think it is important to realize that this post was a follow-up to a post from months ago, entitled "The Fourth." In that particular post, I explained that I had had an extensive conversation with this doctor about the issue of termination. Basically, so many doctors had brought up the option with us that I was beginning to wonder if our situation with Isaac was that bad, or if women terminate that easily. And so, I asked him.

In that conversation, the doctor shared that he only knew of 3 women in all of his years of practice that did NOT terminate their pregnancy when given a poor prenatal diagnosis. At that time, I made it very clear to the doctor that termination was not a consideration for us. Period. The only circumstance in which Spencer and I would even consider it is if my health had been in serious jeopardy. It hasn't been. In fact, physically, this pregnancy has been incredibly easy.

Here is what I know to be true, and it comes from Psalm 139:

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.


All of Isaac's days have already been ordained for him. God is the giver of life, and He is the one who takes it away. It isn't up to me to decide. I have been entrusted with my son's sweet little life, as short or as long, as easy or as complicated, as it might be. That is an honor. It doesn't mean that it's easy; it's not. In fact at this point, it is often excruciatingly painful as my c-section looms in the not-too-distant future. But unconditional love isn't easy, is it?

In addition, we have wanted to leave the door open for God to intervene. This is the same God who raised Lazaurs from the dead, gave sight to a blind man, and who restored health to a hemorrhaging woman. He is the God of miracles. He may choose to intervene and heal our sweet Isaac; or He may not. We simply want to leave the door open for Him.

The primary reason that this appointment bothered me so much is because for us, there was no more conversation to be had about the issue of terminating my pregnancy. We had already made our stance perfectly clear, and at 30 weeks, the point is moot. My doctor's job is to provide the best medical care possible, and to be a support for my husband and I (which, most doctors we have seen have been).

I could certainly get into other issues surrounding this topic, but I think that the most important point is clear. I know that being given a poor or fatal diagnosis of your child is excruciating beyond words. I know that trying to figure out how to handle that is extremely difficult. But I also know that God's word is clear, and that it's true.

I hope that this provides a little more clarity to the context of my previous post so that it doesn't sound as judgemental, as that was never my intention.

30 comments:

Katie said...

I am so sorry you had to be subjected to such poor commentary that you had to write this entry. This entry is very uplifting and profound and I love it. But I also have to say that it saddens me that someone would not read a full post and in it's context and call you names like that. You are the strongest person I could possibly imagine and you deserve only to be uplifting for your strength, power, and determination that you find through the Lord and given by the Spirit. You are a HUGE inspiration to me and hundreds others. I think I am speaking for many when I say that you are absolutely amazing and an outstanding example of how we are to walk our lives with Christ.

banbear2 said...

I just wanted to say again how much I admire your strength and courage. I know I don't you irl, but it honestly gives me courage in my own pregnancy.

Jen said...

I am sorry that people commented negatively. i don't think you were being judgemental at all.

Actually, I am surprised that your doc is so candid with you about termination and his feelings on your situation.

Just know that you are doing what is right for you an Spencer and Isaac and that is all that matters. Much love to you.

Anonymous said...

Your doctor should never have pressed you like that this far along, it was in poor judgement and poor taste. I'm so sorry you had that experience.

I know that you do not mean to come across as judgmental, but I think some of the wording you use may come across that way. Wondering if women terminate that "easily"...I very much doubt its easy for anyone who makes that choice, just like your choice is not easy either. In either scenario you could wonder if you did the right thing, made the choice that's truest to your heart and what you believe. You obviously have...and others have made a different choice wtih just as much conviction and faith in what they are doing. Its not easy. Its heartbreaking, no matter what you decide.

I admire anyone who has had to go through this and make these hard decisions and I pray for you daily. You seem to have a strong faith and amazing support which I'm sure will help you immensely with whatever you have to face. I enjoy your blog and your sweet words very much.

Anonymous said...

I found your blog as of today (on the nest) and have not made it through your entire history, but wanted to say that my prayers are with you. You show such strength and faith in God with your journey. (I am 14 wks pregnant and appreciate your decisions and courage.) May God bless you and your unborn Isaac.

Haute Cooking said...

I admit that we are totally different when it comes to abortion and our beliefs. That said, you are more than entitled to your feelings and no one can tell you otherwise. I think that you are absolutely amazing and very inspirational to many, including myself regardless of my own thoughts and beliefs on the matter. You shouldn't need to apologize for any of it. You have strong faith and this is so obviously the right path for you. I give you nothing but 100% support.

I read your blog daily and I truly wish you, your husband and Issac well on this journey.

Lauren said...

I love you Issac's mommy and I think that your current post and the previous one were written perfectly and in line with God's word.

I love you, love you, love you and thank you for opening your heart to all of us blog readers.

Jess said...

I never thought your blog the other day sounded judgemental at all. Your courage & faith in God is so uplifting! Thank you!!

Kristin (kekis) said...

I'm not going back to your previous entry to give that comment any of my time. I hope you have not been concerned and felt the need to justify yourself. I think you've proven through your journey thus far that you are FAR from judgmental, and you don't have to justify yourself to anyone but your God. He's the only one that matters in the end.

You continue to keep your faith and share your thoughts and feelings here. You, Spencer, and Isaac are an inspiration to many and the naysayers can just click away from your blog posts. Take care of yourselves.

Leanie said...

I have stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say thanks. I am captivated by your courage and strength. I am truly in awe as I ready the words you write. Thanks for sharing with all us outsiders.

kat said...

Praying for strength and courage for you as you face the stress of a new school year. Still praying for a miracle for Isaac. I have been so blessed from reading your blog and so encouraged by your faith. Thank you for being so open and honest.
Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Cathy said...

Ok, now I am going crazy. I don't know why people who post comments not in agreement with others blog always do it anonymously. It amazes me that you even have to make a post about this point. These drs. are human and they totally don't know what these babies outcomes are. As with Trisomy babies 5-10% survive until their first birthday and some much longer. There is no way to know which ones will, so therefore God much be in control of each and every pregnancy. Thank you, for choosing to let God be in total control. These babies don't necessarily suffer any more than a premie, but would we terminate if we knew they were coming early. Hardly, peace to you and I will continue to read on a regular basis and pray for your precious family.

Monica said...

Love you, Stac. Keep up the Good Work.

Jaime said...

Stacy - I am sorry people didn't appreciate your previous post. You have your right to voice your opinion and I personally did not have a problem with your post (The Fourth - Part 2). I am in awe of your strength. I pray that God decideds to intervene on your little Isaac.

Stephanie said...

You are a beacon of light radiating Jesus into the world. You value of Isaac's life is such a picture of Jesus' value for ours!
Praise God that he fought for our lives!
You are BRAVE and COURAGEOUS to follow Jesus no matter how hard the road.
Still praying for you and Isaac.
"From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise."
Psalm 8:2
These little lives have value beyond our understanding. God loves them so much. Thank you for protecting Isaac. It is so powerful. You are an amazing mother!!!!

Have you ever read 90 minutes in Heaven? I think it would encourage you.

Jesus quote...
“See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven." Matthew 18:10

Oh, Isaac's great worth to God!!!!
His life is treasured in the womb.

Laura said...

I love your heart...I know you are hurting for women who make the decision to end the pregnancy early as well as those who carry to term. This is so hard either choice....I am praying for you that you will no longer have to defend your decisions as well as for time to cherish each moment with your sweet Isaac.

Monica said...

I am so proud of you for your response. It gave me goose bumbs...you handled it in a way that was kind yet firm. The decision you and Spencer have made is by far one of the most difficult...but really, when is faith easy--faith is God asking us to trust in what we cannot see or fathom...telling us to believe in what man says is impossible. Faith is not easy...and you are living true faith. God is using you, Spencer, and precious Isaac in great ways...

The Osborne Family said...

You can't begin to know how much I admire your courage! I taught middle school (8th grade English/Reading)until recently. I am so encouraged and moved by your ability to continue touching the lives of young people as you are facing such hard circumstances. I check your blog updates often, and almost every time I read your words, I get chills (it's that feeling you get when you are overcome by the Holy Spirit). I know God is using you and baby Isaac to touch others in a mighty way. You are already such a wonderful loving mother! I am going to keep praying for a divine miracle! "God is our protection and out strength. He always helps in times of trouble. so we will not be afraid even if the earth shakes or the mountains fall into the sea" Psalm 46:2

maryanne420 said...

hi stacy,
i've followed your blog faithfully. in fact, i have links of your blogs on mine so i know when you post. can i just tell you how i am in so much awe of your love and faithfulness to God. your faith is so powerful and it has encouraged me so much in my own walk.

i'm truly sorry that you had to be put through that awful experience with the doctor. i am a pediatric oncology/BMT nurse and i've encountered so many people in the medical field thinking they are God. there had been multiple times when i would witness them telling the parents to just let their children go when chemo, radiation and bone marrow transplant fail when clearly both the patient and parents still want to go on and try every intervention so their children will live. but because "we have the medical knowledge", we think we know best. at the end of it all, there's only one who sits on the throne. stacy, i know that you find comfort in this, that God orchestrates everything. He is in charge. His will be done.

i will continue to lift you and your family up in prayers.

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to say I'm praying for you, Spencer and sweet Isaac. I'm sorry that you had to endure that experience with the doctor and then the blogger. Never were you being judgmental or harsh, nor did your wording come across that way.

I pray for that mother that choose to embark on a different path than yours. I'm sure her choice was very difficult and I pray that God provides peace to her heart.

I pray for you daily. I pray that God continues to do wonderful and mighty things through Isaac's life. Thank you for sharing this journey of life with all of us!! Thank you for being so transparent and allowing us to be encouragement to you, just as you have been to us!

Victoria
PA

MrsLilypond said...

I only stumbled upon your blog a short time ago...but since then I've prayed for your family and for some sort of miracle for lil' Isaac.

The doctor was out of line, once you said no, that should have been the end of the story, especially since nothing about this pregnancy has affected your health negatively.

Chris & Emily said...

Hi - I was just referred to your blog - if hadn't also decided to be a "fourth" my little guy wouldn't be here with us today at almost 6 months old. First I just want to say that my heart hurts for you as you walk this journey. I am praying for you and your little one!! I haven't finished yet but started looking back through your blog - I can relate to so much of what you are going through - at 20 weeks we were given a lethal prenatal diagnosis with no hope of life after birth - we were told his lungs would never develop and he wouldn't be able to breath when he was born - he came out wailing- God is Good - if you want you can check out our story - cortmcgowan.blogspot.com - click on "Cohen" in the side bar to start at the beginning.

Jill said...

Stacy, I am delighted to have been told of your blog. I also would like to share a scripture I was washed in this past weekend while at a LPM meeting.

Psalm 16
Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge. I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing." As for the saints who are in teh land, they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight. The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods. I will not pour out their libations of blood or take up their names on my lips.
Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have mademy lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord alsways before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices, my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

May you find peace and refuge in this scripture.

Christa said...

I so wish I had had your strength a year ago. I so wish I did.

Anonymous said...

God will bless your faithfulness to the truth of His Word. I am praying for you to have peace in the midst of these exciting times, and for Christians at your new school to be a source of strength and comfort to you.

Anonymous said...

Stacy,
How my heart breaks for all of you but I think your courage, determination, and love for Isaac are God-breathed. Some of our dearest friends just had a little girl about 2 weeks ago who they knew had acrania (no skull). They prayed for complete healing for her but God needed her in heaven sooner than they wanted. They treasured their time with her in the womb - took her to the zoo, the park, her older brothers sang to her, family pictures, etc! They had 8 beautiful hours with her before she went to be with Jesus. They are such faithful servants and through all of their heartache they have encouraged all of us to hold life so carefully and realize that God is in control and he does grant peace that passes all understanding. I would love to get her in touch with you! It has only been 2 weeks but I am going to send her your blog and I pray she can be of comfort to you. They moved to China (for her husbands job) in the middle of her pregnancy with 2 little boys and baby Kaly. What a ministy they have had there through this and I pray that you are able to stand firm and do the same. God bless you! Cherie

Anonymous said...

Stacy,
How my heart breaks for all of you but I think your courage, determination, and love for Isaac are God-breathed. Some of our dearest friends just had a little girl about 2 weeks ago who they knew had acrania (no skull). They prayed for complete healing for her but God needed her in heaven sooner than they wanted. They treasured their time with her in the womb - took her to the zoo, the park, her older brothers sang to her, family pictures, etc! They had 8 beautiful hours with her before she went to be with Jesus. They are such faithful servants and through all of their heartache they have encouraged all of us to hold life so carefully and realize that God is in control and he does grant peace that passes all understanding. I would love to get her in touch with you! It has only been 2 weeks but I am going to send her your blog and I pray she can be of comfort to you. They moved to China (for her husbands job) in the middle of her pregnancy with 2 little boys and baby Kaly. What a ministy they have had there through this and I pray that you are able to stand firm and do the same. God bless you! Cherie

Sean said...

It's amazing to me how insensitive doctors can be, but not only doctors, but people in general, and honestly, in situations like this, it speaks mightily to the power of our faith and to the lack therof in them. Until you have experienced the wonderful power of Christ's saving grace, you simply cannot grasp it, and it is this knowledge that saddens me for people like this doctor.

Now, I obviously don't know the state of this doctor's spiritual life, and am only making an assumption; however, if he is saved, he apparently doesn't have the type of relationship with Christ that I know is possible.

And, it is for him and for people like him that we really need prayers for, and it could be for this very person that you and your family are going through what you are going through.

And, for this, I thank you for your ministry. I find your willingness to ride your faith directly into the storm to be not only uplifting, but comforting as well. To know that our God is strong enough and loving enough to be the same God in these times as He is in the times that seem good to us is very, very comforting.

You mention the blog for Audrey Caroline. I also have read that thing almost through and through, and am certainly amazed by the power of it. She writes in there at one point, something like, "I know my Jesus is the same Jesus that He was before I came into this room."

I have that wording somewhat off, but the point is there. I find that very powerful.

God is God. And, He is infinitely loving even in times such as these

Again, I thank you for your ministry, and will be praying not only for you, your family, and your baby, but also for all the people you will meet, the saved and unsaved alike

God bless,

Sean
http://seanhanzelik.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

I have been following your blog on and off for awhile, but haven't posted yet. I just wanted to say that you were not being judgmental. You were sharing your faith and your beliefs - and that doctor was completely out of line. I suspect the commenter who reacted badly to you did so because she feels a little guilty for her choice. May God continue to give you courage.

Jenny said...

I was the one who wrote that inital post.

First of all, of course I have guilt. I don't think I would be human if I wasn't.

Second of all, I think my original intention was not heard. My comment on being judgemental was not based upon this post or any previous post.. it was more a feeling and certain ways things were said (would never just get rid of my child or something along those lines).

To those who think it's easy, it's not. I'll just leave it at that. But I believe we did made the decision we did because we believed that she would be better off not suffering, that as her parents if there was something we could do to lessen that for her, then we had to. It was simply our decision based upon our faith in the Lord that He would welcome her home. We were told that had I carried her to full term, after she was born she would suffer seizures and what is equivelant to a massive heart attack. How could we let that happen? I don't know.. maybe it was the wrong decision.. I'll never know. My point was, and still is, that it is very easy to convey judgement and that as a Christian, we should all be aware about this about ourselves (Stacy, the doctor, myself). I never meant any hurt to Stacy, and I will continue to pray for her and Isaac and that God will heal him, as I do every day.

I'm posting this as myself, not anonymous, so whoever needs verification that I am real will have it.

Bless you Stacy in your journey.