Truth

I wanted to take a few minutes to address a comment on my previous post saying that I was being judgemental. Please know that was not my intention; our appointment was extremely frustrating, and I hope the following helps to clarify that.

I think it is important to realize that this post was a follow-up to a post from months ago, entitled "The Fourth." In that particular post, I explained that I had had an extensive conversation with this doctor about the issue of termination. Basically, so many doctors had brought up the option with us that I was beginning to wonder if our situation with Isaac was that bad, or if women terminate that easily. And so, I asked him.

In that conversation, the doctor shared that he only knew of 3 women in all of his years of practice that did NOT terminate their pregnancy when given a poor prenatal diagnosis. At that time, I made it very clear to the doctor that termination was not a consideration for us. Period. The only circumstance in which Spencer and I would even consider it is if my health had been in serious jeopardy. It hasn't been. In fact, physically, this pregnancy has been incredibly easy.

Here is what I know to be true, and it comes from Psalm 139:

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

All of Isaac's days have already been ordained for him. God is the giver of life, and He is the one who takes it away. It isn't up to me to decide. I have been entrusted with my son's sweet little life, as short or as long, as easy or as complicated, as it might be. That is an honor. It doesn't mean that it's easy; it's not. In fact at this point, it is often excruciatingly painful as my c-section looms in the not-too-distant future. But unconditional love isn't easy, is it?

In addition, we have wanted to leave the door open for God to intervene. This is the same God who raised Lazaurs from the dead, gave sight to a blind man, and who restored health to a hemorrhaging woman. He is the God of miracles. He may choose to intervene and heal our sweet Isaac; or He may not. We simply want to leave the door open for Him.

The primary reason that this appointment bothered me so much is because for us, there was no more conversation to be had about the issue of terminating my pregnancy. We had already made our stance perfectly clear, and at 30 weeks, the point is moot. My doctor's job is to provide the best medical care possible, and to be a support for my husband and I (which, most doctors we have seen have been).

I could certainly get into other issues surrounding this topic, but I think that the most important point is clear. I know that being given a poor or fatal diagnosis of your child is excruciating beyond words. I know that trying to figure out how to handle that is extremely difficult. But I also know that God's word is clear, and that it's true.

I hope that this provides a little more clarity to the context of my previous post so that it doesn't sound as judgemental, as that was never my intention.