Broken, Not Foresaken

So Spencer and I are going to the Chris Tomlin concert next Saturday in Baltimore. I am familiar with a lot of his older songs, and just recently have started listening to his "Hello Love" CD. I figured that would be a good idea since it is, after all, the Hello Love tour.

I am guessing you know by now that I have a thing for words, song lyrics included. I was listening to the Hello Love CD on my way to work this morning and for the first time heard the song "You Lifted Me Out." Honestly, my mind was in other places, like trying to remember all of the ingredients for this great baked brie dish that I wanted to make for small group tonight, and the music was just sort of droning on in the background... until I hear this:

Lost is where you found me
Shattered and frail
But You love me still
Trouble may surround me
My heart may fail
But You never will
You never will

Okay. Rewind.

As I listened again, I was just so struck; as you can imagine, it was another one of those moments where something just speaks deeply to your heart. It's just so how I feel right now... and the promise that God will find us in the midst of our brokenness, and that He will never fail... what a promise. What hope.

The Psalms are full of promises like this...

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
~ Psalm 34:18

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
~ Psalm 147:3

God meets us in our brokenness; and slowly, He is showing me that even though our prayers for a miracle for Isaac weren't answered in the way we had hoped, He still meets us. He loves us. He carries us. He will never fail.

I recently stumbled across the blog of Molly Piper, daughter-in-law of the highly-esteemed author, John Piper. You may know him for having penned Desiring God. Molly and Abraham lost their daughter, Felicity, in 2007. She was stillborn at 39 weeks due to what they believe was a cord accident. In his blog (found here), John Piper writes this:

This seems so preventable. By God and by man. Yes. So easy. But neither man nor God prevented this. Man, because he did not know it was happening. God, because he has his wise and loving reasons that we wait to learn with tears and trust.

Though I don't believe, at least according to the numerous reports we have received from doctors, that Isaac's condition was preventable by man, I do believe that it was preventable by God, because He is sovereign. And like Piper said, we know that God is wise and loving. He won't fail. And so we do wait to learn those reasons... the answers to all the "why" questions.. through many, many tears, and with trust.

As I continue on the journey of grief and in dealing with some anger with God, I am learning a whole new level of what it means to trust Him. I am learning that in the past I have been such a Thomas... needing to see to really believe. Seeing God working... and then I will trust Him. Now, I am learning that deep, true trust means what Jeremy Camp has written in one of his songs, "Even when I don't see, I still believe." Believing that God is who He says He is, regardless of my circumstances.

Oh, the growing pains with this lesson. The countless times I have surrendered my need to know over to God, only to snatch it right back. It is nothing other then my frailty and brokenness over my son that causes me to do that. But God is ever-patient, never-failing... his love and grace unconditionally meeting me right where I am.

So this post is a bit all over the place, but I felt compelled to share what has been on my mind and in my heart. First, so that you can continue to pray for us. And secondly, as an encouragement to other hurting moms out there whose sweet children have left this Earth far too soon... whose hearts are breaking and arms are aching. God will not fail you, even though it may feel like He has. He will meet you in your brokenness...