Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Three Months

Today marks three months since Isaac was born.

Here in Maryland, it is a dreary 33-degree day. The branches of the trees are coated in ice, the sky is dark and heavy, and the rains are pouring down. In some ways, it seems fitting... as if the weather is somehow a visual of me today... a heavy heart and tears that just want to pour out.

I miss my son so much. Spencer and I were talking last night about how sometimes all of this just doesn't even seem real and we find ourselves asking the question, "Did this really happen?" Our too-quiet house, among other things, is evidence that it did. And three months later, it still really, really hurts... like a "deep in my soul" sort of hurt.

I have yet to be at work on an "anniversary" day of Isaac's... and if my morning is any indication of the rest of the day, I am anticipating that it will be quite hard. Really, I would just rather be home... home to be able to sit and look at pictures, to watch the slideshow that our photographer made for us, and from 8:33 until 8:49 just sit and remember back to that day.... what it was like to see Isaac for the first time, how he smelled, kissing his sweet little nose, feeling his soft fuzzy hair...

Please pray for us today, that God would meet us in the midst of our sorrow and wrap us in His peace...

54 comments:

Bethany said...

I will be thinking about you and praying for you today.

Amber said...

Praying for you especially today. Happy Birthday, Isaac!

Mary said...

I am thinking and praying for you toda and every day.

Monica @ Writer Chic said...

Seth doesn't get up until 9 am your time, Stacy, so I will commit to pray for you earnestly this morning from 8:33 to 8:49. We love you.

Misty Rice-Baniewicz said...

3 months in which probably seems like either 3 years ago, or just this morning. I never know what to say, and I probably ramble too much, but I want you to know that I cry before I write each time, because I truly hear your pain and hurt for you as a mom.

I wish I knew what tomorrow is going to bring you. I knew this weather isn't helping. Although you and your husband are struggling, and rightfully so....

Today I feel it on my heart to pray differently for you. You said "too-quite" of a home. I want to pray that you and your husband don't pull away from each other during, that you wrap up in each others arms and take in those teary quite moments together as a family as Issac's parents, as man and wife.

I have seen way too often that couples will allow for this to tear them apart, and so today I pray for not only some comfort on your hearts, but on your household and marriage.

Hang in there sweet, sweet girl... hang in there. You will come out of this stormy season in your life and you will rise above and smile again, with out feeling guilt for doing so.

God Bless.......

I wish I could just bring over a box of tissue, a big warm blanket and sit on the couch and look at pictures with you, listen to the stories you have to share and then cry with you.

Stephanie said...

Reading this at 8:14 and praying for you and Spencer! Will continue to do so!

Lisa said...

Keeping you and your husband in my prayers. Hoping that in time things will become a bit easier for you.

God Bless,
Lisa

Danielle said...

Praying...

A little piece of 7th heaven said...

Praying for you both today to feel the comfort of the Lord.
Annmarie

clkocher said...

Praying for you as I read this and will continue to do so.

Happy birthday sweet boy!

King J's Queen said...

I'm praying for you this morning.

Stacy said...

As I read your blog yesterday, I looked at the calendar and realized that today was going to be a hard day.

I can not imagine the pain and am just trusting the Lord to show Himself mighty during this time and to bring unspeakable peace.

Jaime said...

I will be praying for you today. I remember crying at work and people not realizing why. I pray that people will be extra sensitive to you today and that God will give you grace and peace.

Anonymous said...

Hi Stacy! I don't know you, but you and your husband are in my prayers and I read your blog daily. Just remember that the rain today is proof that there are holes in the floor of heaven and Isaac is looking down on you and watching you! The country song Holes in the Floor of Heaven by Steve Warner is always one that has helped comfort me.

Chris said...

I am so sorry and sad for your loss, I came across your blog several weeks ago , never thinking I would share an understanding of anything as painful as this , sadly though my brother lost his first child a daughter last friday suddenly at 34 weeks, we were with them when Bella came into the world , she was already an angel, it all does feel unreal, and I am just the auntie , you are in my thoughts .
Chris

LMP said...

I will be thinking of you today, as I do every day.

Julie said...

Praying for you today....and every day. *Hugs*

Anonymous said...

God bless you and Spencer; I will continue to pray for you.
Alicia

boltefamily said...

Praying for each of you today. I so wish I had words to ease the pain and emptiness...Just know you are not alone and that many are remembering your amazing son toda!

Emma's Mommy said...

I will be saying a special prayer for you today!

Jennifer said...

Praying for your heart today.

sjefferson said...

Stacy, Ashly has told me all about you and I've been praying for you so much! I'm so sorry for your loss. Issac is a cutie. I hate that you and Ashly have experienced such huge losses! I hope you know your faith is such a BIG, BIG testimony!

Cynthia said...

Happy Birthday Isaac. Still praying for you.

Nichelle said...

Milestone days are always so hard to get through. Praying that it is not as hard as you imagine. And that you are able to remember the special moments that you had with him...not the moments without..I know that is hard to do. keeping you in my thoughts/prayers.
Nichelle

Jill said...

My heart hurts for you. I have not been through what you are going through but I do know grief and I can promise you that someday you will be happy again. Meanwhile I will continue to pray for you and your sweet family. I wish there were something I could say that would help even a little bit, but I know there are no words. I am so sorry.

Anonymous said...

Praying for you today ... for peace and comfort. I know that he hears our hearts even when we don't know what to pray for. He is walking with both of you through this valley.

Delayna said...

We'll be praying for you.

Amanda said...

Stacy,

Praying for you today. My son Gavin would be nine months old today, so we share the 7th as an anniversary.

Amanda

Forever missing Gavin

Rachel E. said...

Praying for you and Spencer, Stacy! Hope to hear how your day went. Much love.

Heather said...

I've been lurking for a while and felt compelled to leave you a note today. I'm not exactly sure what to say and hope that none of my words cause any additional pain.

I pray for you often and want you to know that I share many tears with you as I read your entries. Your love, hurt, hope as well as many other emotions come through clearly as you write. I want you to know that I appreciate your honesty on how you are feeling and dealing with this tragic loss. Your honesty speaks to so many who either 1- are trying to understand so they can be there for others in your situation or 2- can't seem to find the right words to express their pain and can realize that they are not alone.

Please know that, even though you don't know me, I am sending you big hugs and prayers for comfort. God bless you!

Jen said...

I still ask myself, if all of this really happened to me...is this really my life. It all seems so surreal and if it weren't for the few momentos, i would think it had all been a dream. Wishing you a little peace today.

Open your Eyes. said...

Always thinking of you :) xxx.

Anonymous said...

Praying for you today and always.

Ashly said...

That 3 month anniversary is a very hard day. Ours wasn't too long ago. I am praying for God's comfort to fill your heart and home. Do something fun with you and Spencer. Something you both enjoy!

KK said...

Praying for you today and every day. May HIS peace wrap you in comfort, as only HE can do.
Blessings,
Kaye

Melanie Marie said...

I don't even know you, but I ended up on your blog from a friend's blog. I started reading. Started crying. Started realizing that whatever the reason for the crappy mood I'm in now doesn't matter. Thank you for bringing down off my high horse. Or...thank God for your story.
In Him, A praying sister

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Praying for you, sweet friend...He will meet you in the midst of your sorrow...and He will wrap you in His peace, sustain you with His grace, and comfort you with His love...He is there, and He will be there...

In His Love,
Kelly

Devon said...

praying....

Valerie and Eric said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband today.

Michelle said...

hope you found some peace today!

Jen said...

Once AGAIN, God brought you to my mind through song this morning, and I had no idea of the anniversary date. Homesick by Mercy Me came on, and I said a prayer for you as I drove to school to teach. I must admit, it's hard to pray for you and not mess up my mascara in the morning, since it seems my heart just aches when I get a very brief glimpse at the pain you all must feel. May God hold you tight.

Becky said...

I just found your blog from MckMama's, and am just in tears for you. Your Isaac is just so, so beautiful! Prayers for you and your husband coming from me in MN tonight. May God bless you!

Kelsey said...

Praying for you...praying for peace, for rest, for the strength to feel the hurt, for the ability to see Him clearly, for the Lord to cradle you gently as He reveals Himself to you

Anonymous said...

My heart aches for you and your husband. I've been following your story for months. I have cried with you. You have taught me strength, courage, and compassion. You are an amazing woman and a wonderful mother. Isaac is your baby and you two will forever be connected. Lots of love and light.

Danielle Holsapple said...

I hope you felt some peace yesterday. (HUGS) Please know that it does get somewhat easier. The pain won't be quite as deep. At 6 months out from my son's death I would have never believed someone that told me that. But I am now 10 months from meeting my boy and saying goodbye. While it does still hurt, it starts to get a bit less intense. I pray that you will begin to heal that deep soul wound soon.

Anonymous said...

You don't know me but I have been following your blog daily for months. I want you to know I cry right along with you. Although I have never experienced your grief my heart just aches for you and I will continue to pray for you, your husband and your beautiful Isaac. I hope that you will find some peace.

David said...

Tears of sadness shed in memory of Isaac

Anonymous said...

Your family inspires me. I often check in on your blog, and more often find myself praying for and thinking of your family. Your son is beautiful, and I imagine he looks down from heaven at you beaming with pride.

The Osborne Family - Est. 2008 said...

I am recently new to your blog, however I have been spending my afternoons reading your story from the beginning. You are truly an inspiration for me. Your baby boy is absolutely beautiful. My heart aches for you and your family. Keeping you and Spencer in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless your sweet Isaac.

~Michelle Osborne...Charleston, WV

Polly Gamwich said...

Oh Stacy, I'm praying for you (though I know yesterday was the anniversary) I'm so sorry that you lost precious Isaac.

Anonymous said...

Praying for both of you today. BELIEVE...the sun will shine again...your heart will heal...your arms will be full.

Nicole said...

I'm sorry I didn't read your post yesterday. Happy Belated 3 Month Birthday Mr. Isaac!
Praying for peace to surround you, and for His Hands to hold you.
Love, Nicole

Cathy said...

Just stopping by to say I am praying for your heavy heart and empty arms today! Isaac is so precious and I love to just sit and look at his pictures.

~Kelli said...

Still thinking and praying for you....wanted you to know that I love your music and often when I am listening to Christian Music (Radio), i come across one of the songs on your blog and its then that I pray...and thinking of you makes me smile, you seem so sweet. Oh how I wish, thinks were so different for you!