20 Days

I realized this morning that if all goes according to plan (which, as it seems we're learning lately, it rarely does), we have 20 days left with our sweet Isaac. Before, I was able to think of the time until my c-section in weeks; now it's days.

I have been thinking a lot about why moving my c-section up 10 days bothered me so much. I understand why it's the best decision from a medical standpoint, but it has been a hard thing for me to accept these last few days. I think the reality is that I feel like those 10 days are days that have somehow been stolen from me... days that I would rather get to feel Isaac kick and wiggle, knowing that he's safe and that he's alive.

I was asked yesterday if there were certain things I wanted to do or get done before he came. Truthfully, the answer is no. I just want more time. 20 days just doesn't seem like enough, even though I know that no finite number of days ever would be.

Tuesday evening I scoured every book in the Bible that had a chapter 10 verse 7, trying to find a verse that I thought would fit Isaac. Not one of them did. Some were sort of morbid, a few were generations in geneologies, and others seemed sort of random out of context. So instead, I turned to Psalm 107. I loved it. In particular, these three verses were of great comfort for me...

19 Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.

20 He sent forth his word and healed them;
he rescued them from the grave.

21 Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for men.

I had a little bit of trouble with verse 20. We, along with many of you, have been pleading with God to heal Isaac on this side of heaven. So far, the answer seems to be no. But I know, because His word is true and His love is unfailing, God will in fact ultimately heal Isaac; the grave is not the end. We know that he will be in a much safer and more perfect place. In that there is comfort, though I still would rather have him here for a while first.

Please continue to pray for us, that God would continue to sustain us with His strength, grace and peace, allowing us to enjoy even one more day with Isaac. Please pray that He would calm my numerous fears about having major surgery, and that the surgery itself would go smoothly and be free of any complications. And, please don't stop asking for a miracle.