Sunday, September 21, 2008

I Will Carry You

I posted these lyrics a while back, but I was listening to this song again as I was re-doing the music on my iPod this morning. This song, "I Will Carry You," was written by Todd and Angie Smith, for their daugher, Audrey, and was recorded by Selah. I was so moved when I first heard the lyrics, but now, as October 7 approaches (way too quickly), it rings even truer with me.

I Will Carry You

There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?

People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this

So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says...

I've shown him photographs of time beginning
Walked him through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love him like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen Me
To carry you


It is so hard to think about all the "would have been's" and "could have been's..." about how I want so much to be able to read Isaac stories and rock him to sleep, take him on walks, play in the surf at the ocean with him, teach him to ride a bike and put a Band-Aid on his knee when he falls off trying to learn. It's hard to think about how we're not only going to miss our son, but that grandparents will miss their grandson; aunts and uncles will miss their nephew; and maybe one day, our future children will miss out on knowing their big brother. It's hard to think about what he might have been... somebody's teammate, best friend, husband, or Daddy.

I am thankful, though, that Isaac's life matters enough that his presense will be missed... that his life has significance, value, and weight. I am also thankful for the chance to be his Mommy, even though I know that time will be cut way too short.
And I am so grateful that Isaac will end up in a place where he will be loved by a God who loves him more perfectly and more completely than I ever could.

Thank you for continuing to pray for us in the upcoming days and weeks.

21 comments:

Jessica said...

What a beautiful and appropriate song! Having lost my daughter, Georgia, 6 weeks ago to Triploidy, that song speaks to me as well. Thank you for sharing. Your little Isaac's life has definitely meant something to alot of people. In part, it is because you had the courage to share his story here. You are in my thoughts and prayers as you near the time to meet your sweet Isaac.

banbear2 said...

That is a beautiful song and so fitting for you and all of us who have lost a baby.
As always I pray for you and Isaac and Spencer

Anonymous said...

Thank you Stacey for your beautiful words and how raw and honest you are in this blog you bring me to my knees everytime i read something that you wrote. Your family has given hope and faith to alot of people and your son has made an imprint on my heart. I will continue to pray for you.

Monica @ Writer Chic said...

lots of love and prayers as always

hennhouse said...

Beautiful lyrics. Beautiful words. Beautiful you.

Praying still.

Jennifer said...

Stacy,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and wishes today. Please know that you are always in our thoughts and prayers!

Angela said...

Tears and prayers.
:)

Kristi said...

As my heart breaks for you, I am still praying. Isaac is so very blessed to have you as his mother.

Anonymous said...

I am so touched by your faith and your strength through all of this. My heart breaks for you and your family. God Bless you and baby Isaac!

Alison said...

I wanted you to know that I have my Bible study group praying for a miracle for your precious Isaac. Thanks for letting us know the specifics of how to pray for you...keep them coming.

((HUGS))

Laura said...

It is all so real...praying for you as you walk through the next days with Isaac and the coming months as well. Think of you often. Thank you for letting so many be a part of your incredible journey. You are so brave...

michelle said...

Thank you for letting God's grace and love shine through you. I know that this strength you have is not your own but the faith you display is, and for that we can give all glory to God. He is holding Isaac now and will continue to hold Him no matter what comes for ALL ETERNITY. Your little boy will never be alone.

Kylee said...

I am new to your blog...just started reading a couple days ago. Your story has touched my heart so deeply, and I want you to know I am praying for you and your husband. Praying that God fills your heart with a stronger love and comfort then you have ever experienced.

Anonymous said...

You speak of him as though he has passed on, is that the case? I recognize your story has a great bit of length to it, and have read some of the passages (I unfortunately do not have the time to read them all). I am trying to understand the scenario. Please recap!

Anonymous said...

I'm praying for you and Spencer.. for your peace in the coming days, for your strength, and I'm praying for Isaac.. for God to heal him, for a miracle to happen...

Stacy said...

Still praying for you...

Mande said...

I continue to pray for you and your sweet Isaac! You amaze me!

Stacy D said...

Anonymous~

No, Isaac has not yet passed away. My c-section is scheduled for October 7. We found out when I was 12 weeks pregnant that there were some things that weren't right, but it wasn't until I was 20 weeks pregnant that we learned of just how much was wrong. Isaac has numerous medical anomalies that, as they doctors have phrased it, make him "incompatible with life." One doctor has actually writte "non-viable fetus" on the top of my prenatal record. We have consulted with several specialists at both Children's National Medical Center and Children's Hospital of Philadelphia and have been told that none of his anomalies, because of how many there are and the severity of them, are operable. Consequently, he is expected to live for only a very short time... the latest we've been told is probably minutes to an hour.

Sara said...

I'm new to your blog as well and I just wanted to say how beautiful and courageous you and your husband are. God Bless you both and Isaac as well, I'm praying for you all.

Angie said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you all the way from Australia. I recently lost my baby girl to Turners Syndrome and came across your site in a time of extreme grief and confusion. You have changed my life. Your courage, strength and unwavering love throughout this time is admirable. You truly are what a mother is and should be. Isaac is so blessed to have you as his mother and must feel so safe, loved and protected. Remember that the longest time that you will ever be without him is here on earth... you will have eternity together.... imagine that! ( i know its hard). My heart bleeds for you. My love and blessing are with you.

Anonymous said...

stace - i just found out other friends of mine are waiting to find out about a similar diagnosis for their baby girl, and it reminded me to be praying for you guys. your faith is amazing in all of this.