Monday, September 29, 2008

Beautiful

Spencer and I were talking this weekend about how it feels like the weeks are flying by, and the weekends are flying by even faster. I wish there was some button on the remote control of life that would allow me to just put everything in slow motion for the next nine days. I don't know if it's the fact that we have had so many doctor's appointments recently, or that I am just keenly aware of the fact that the time we have left until October 7th really is that short. Regardless, I just wish it would all slow down.

Anyhow... to the title of this post. When I think of beautiful things, I think of the sunrise I saw this morning on my way to work which I told Isaac all about... the way that the sky was just starting to illuminate and strokes of clouds were delicately brushed across the sky. I think of the numerous rainbows I saw right after summertime thunderstorms. I think of the woman who anointed Jesus with perfume, and the beautiful sacrifice that she made.

And I think of Isaac.

At my appointment last Friday, I asked my doctor to explain to me exactly how a c-section works. She was very honest about it, but her explanation definitely did calm my fears a little bit. I am pretty nervous about getting a spinal; yet, she explained that she didn't think it would be nearly as painful as the CVS testing I had done back at 14 weeks. I am nervous that the procedure is more complicated than usual, and she explained that although this may be true, it isn't anything that is putting me in any more jeopardy. And then, as she was measureing my stomach to see if I was measuring on track (which I was), she said something to Spencer and I that we will not ever forget:

Stacy, I want you to know that when he's born, he's going to look like a real baby. He will be beautiful.

It was all I could do not to lose it laying on the table in that tiny examination room.

Beautiful.

It would be untrue to say that there hasn't been some fear about the fact that Isaac has so many anomalies and how I would be able to handle that. It didn't help that the doctor who has given Spencer and I a little "trouble" in the past "kindly" explained to us that babies with "deformations" can look a little scary. (Really... who says that to a patient in this situation?!). I was so thankful for my doctor's words that afternoon, and to know that she is with us in this.

Beautiful.

He will be... how could you not think that of your own son? I just wish I knew that I would get to keep him.

Thank you for continuing to pray for us as October 7th approaches. Our hearts are definitely becoming increasingly more heavy, and we really need and appreciate your prayers.

52 comments:

Taylor said...

I had those same fears about how Nathan would look. I was afraid that others wouldn't want to kiss him or love him. I was honestly afraid that I wouldn't be able to look at him for very long either. I have to say that it didn't matter. It all didn't matter. He was absoluetly PERFECT because he was mine and I loved him!!! I was finally able to put a face with a kick! :) You will feel the same way about Isaac. Your doctor is right, he will be beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. After all, he was created by our Savior! And his creation is amazing. I am praying for you.

Sherri said...

I have been following your blog for a short time. What an amazing story and what wonderful parents you are! God chose such special parents for Isaac. He will be so beautiful and I will keep the three of you in my prayers. Miracles can still happen. God bless you with His peace. Thank you for sharing your story.

Melissa said...

He will be beautiful! Still praying.

Angela said...

Thanks for the great post this morning. What a wonderful thing for you to hear!

I know that your C-section will be a lot more complicated than the two that I have had, but I wanted to tell you that, quite honestly, my spinals were easy. They didn't hurt; they just stung a little, nothing worse than getting a normal shot. Getting my IV was worse b/c I have thin veins.

I am continuing to pray for you!!

Erin said...

I have been following your blog for a very short time and my heart goes out to you and your family. You and your husband are wonderful parents are amazing. I will continue to pray for you and your family. God bless all of you. Thank you for sharing your story. It is a nice place to express your feelings because I do the same.

Stephanie said...

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...
Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and BECAUSE I LOVE YOU."
Isaiah 43:1-4

Stephanie said...

ps
I am sure you have already thought of this but you might want to take a Worship CD in for delivery. God's presence will be powerful.

Sheila said...

of course he will be beautiful, he is your son. Still praying for you as the days pass by. The playground idea sounds wonderful.

Anonymous said...

There is no doubt that he will be a beautiful baby boy. My prayers go out to you.

CJinMD said...

(((hugs))) you continue to be in my thoughts and i am hoping and praying for a miracle for you, DH, and most of all, isaac.

boltefamily said...

I can remember thinking many of those thoughts and having many of those fears. God truly did carry us through that day. Twice actually. We lost a son in July of 2005 unexpectedly and a son in February this year.

I just want you to know I will be praying for you! Our son we had in 2005 was Isaac also and he was such a blessing to our lives! I know your Isaac will be as well!

Love and prayers,
Kristy Bolte

Monica @ Writer Chic said...

Our prayers are never ceasing. We love you, Stacy.

Devon Rene said...

Oh, he will be SO beautiful! And you will just fall in love with him even more than you are right now.

You have been on my heart a lot lately and know I think of you ALL the time! You are a brave woman and you are walking a hard journey. I admire you for that...

I have had two c-sections and honestly, they aren't that bad. If you want someone to talk too who has been through it, feel free to email me.

Thinking of you...Holding you close.

Nestie Becoming_untied said...

I was away from my computer for a week and just caught up on your blog and letters to Isaac. I wept. The tears were partially from being refreshed by your continued faith and love. They were also from feeling deeply sorry for the difficult and trying circumstances you three and Isaac's extended family are under.

I have not stopped thinking about you all often and praying for you all. The playground is such a great way to honor God, Isaac and your and Spencer's love for Isaac! I am so excited about it. I pray that Isaac will be healed on this side of heaven so he can be the first one to play on it.

I pray for blessings of peace, strength and hope for you and all of Isaac's family. He is a beautiful boy!

Lauren said...

I continue to pray for you, your husband, your family and most of all Isaac every single day. He will be absolutely gorgeous, the very epitome of beautiful! God can do miraculous things and I am in constant prayer that he will perform a miracle for you. I also pray that you be filled with peace and be allowed to enjoy the time you get to spend with Isaac in the coming days.

Lauren said...

Hey you! I know I told you before but... I am praying that the C-section goes so smoothly.

And I agree with Angela who commented about the spinal. It was exactly what I was going to say... the IVs hurt worse... definitely. And they barely hurt.

sara said...

How could he not be beautiful with parents with such amazing strength and faith. I was introduced to your blog just last week and you and Spencer have barely left my thoughts since. As a mother of four I cannot begin to imagine the mix of emotions you must be going through. Please know you guys and Isaac are in my prayers and will continue to be.

pollykinz said...

Continued prayers are with you on these next 9 difficult days. I pray you can find some peace and comfort at this most testing time.

amanda said...

i am praying for you to have peace in your mind and soul. my thoughts are with you and your family.

Pete, Alison and Charlie said...

He will be beautiful. We are thinking of you so much, and are praying for you all.
With much love XX

Robin said...

praying 4 you...

Anna said...

I 'stumbled'upon your blog about a month ago and follow you religiously now. I will continue to pray for you, Spencer and Issac....esp as Oct 7th approaches. Please know that people like myself who only know you via a 'blog' are continuing to pray for you all.

Kristin (kekis) said...

OF COURSE Isaac will be beautiful! He is your son, and a child of God. Anomalies or not, how could precious baby Isaac not to be a perfect little boy?

Love and prayers continue - not just for the next nine days, but for those and the many ahead.

Stacy said...

I read this passage this morning and thought of you...

Rest in God alone, my soul, for my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I will not be shaken.

My Salvation and glory depend on God; my strong rock, my refuge, is in God. Trust in Him at all times; pour our your heart before Him. God is our refuge.

Psalm 62:5-8

Praying...

secret sister said...

You cannot store up on grace, but you will be given just the right amount of grace to carry you through this trying time and thereafter. The Lord is so precious and He only wants what is best for His children. Isaac is beautiful!! He is created in the image of God and there simply is not anything more precious than that. "Rest in the Lord....Be anxious for nothing"...the Lord has everything under control. I will continue praying with you all through this travel of life.

AngelsAmid said...

He will be beautiful and I continue to pray for you during this time. I pray for a miracle everyday

Crystal said...

Though through firey trials, thy pathway shall lie,
My grace all sufficient shall be they supply.
The flames shall not hurt thee
I only design,
Thy dross to consume and thy soul to refine.

Theresa M. said...

What's up beautiful momma. You are absolutely right. Your son IS already altogehter beautiful. I pray that as you cross this Jordan, God continue to stregthen and prepare you as He did Joshua,to move foward in His will. He has not forsaken, nor will He leave leave you.

Nancy said...

I attend Mountain View and was unaware of your story until yesterday. My husband and I were both deeply affected as was practically everyone in attendance. We have a 2 1/2 year old girl,Rebekah, that the Lord has blessed us with. We have been teaching her to say her prayers at night. She said a prayer last night and will continue to do so for dear baby Isaac. My husband mentioned to me later that it was only fitting that Rebekah is praying for Isaac... :)
God Bless you all!
Nancy, Brandon, and Rebekah Kamakaris

Anonymous said...

God has laid you on my heart since I began reading this blog only a short week ago.My first thought this morning was to pray for you when I was barely even awake. Isaac will be beautiful, and he will be yours. I'm praying hard for a miracle!!!
Isaac has touched my life, and I don't even know you! God bless and keep you in His loving arms of strength.
Jen

The Brady's said...

He will be a beautiful baby! Look @ what this baby has already done..He has people praying for him all over the world..We lift his name everyday in prayer..that god will touch his little body, heal him,so he maybe with y'all longer...Miracle's happen everyday, and our God still reigns on his thrown, and what a Gracious,Loving, and Mercyful God we serve!

He's all ready been such an amazing blessing! What a proud mother you must be!

Anonymous said...

I have a visible birth defect. In all my life the only person who has never seemed to see it, never believed it was even noticeable, is my mother.

No matter what you'll see the most beautiful son because he is yours.

So Blessed said...

Every good and perfect gift is from above...(James 1:17) and your beautiful Isaac is a good and perfect gift from our Father to you.

I am praying for you as the time draws near that you meet your beautiful son.

lynette said...

He will be beautiful, he is beautiful- I can tell because his beauty radiates from you as you carry him. I've only just found your blog and I'm so moved by your story. Praying for you as Isaac's birthday approaches...

Jen (Manlapaz) said...

Stacy,

I am so glad your doctor said that to you. I have seen parent's hearts be heavy that their child had anomalies, but none have ever said that they felt that their child was less beautiful. The love a parent has for their child is unlike anything else, and what a parent sees when they look at their own child is not the same as what others might see. You will look at his eyes, his little hands and feet, his nose and ears and you will try to figure out which features are yours and which are Spencer's. He will be beautiful, just wait and see. By the way, we love the idea for the playground. It's so special.

Love,
Jen and Archie

lovestoeat said...

i just wanted to let you know i have been following your story and i am praying for you all each and every single day. all i can offer you is my deep prayers..God bless you and your husband

Jennifer Loppnow said...

I found your blog thru Taylor's. I just wanted to let you know that on the 6th my little miracle will turn 6 and on the 7th his bestfriend turns 6 *they were a day apart and their Dad's are best friends and no this wasn't planned, I was 4 weeks early and the other mom was 1 1/2 late* We will be sending you lots of good vibes during those days and we hope it helps. Lots of luv and peace on that day.
By the way I had 2 c-sections they are so not bad, if you want to talk to me more about it, you can drop me a line or Taylor can get you my email too. My first c-section was horrid, but I made it to do it again. Jenny

Anonymous said...

Stacy...

In the morning before I open my eyes, I pray for you.

During the day when I read your blog or my thoughts wander to you, I pray for you.

At night when I am spending time with my son, cooking him dinner or giving him bubbles or reading him a story or snuggling or putting him to bed, I pray for you.

Before I fall asleep, I pray for you. This passage always reminds me of you.

Psalm 40:9-11

I have proclaimed glad tidings of righteousness in the great congregation;
Behold, I will not restrain my lips,
O LORD, You know.
I have not hidden Your righteousness within my heart;
I have spoken of Your faithfulness and Your salvation;
I have not concealed Your loving kindness and Your truth from the great congregation.
You, O LORD, will not withhold Your compassion from me;
Your loving kindness and Your truth will continually preserve me.

Anonymous said...

My continued thoughts and prayers are with you. He will be Beautiful!

Laura said...

He is beautiful! Our Pearl had some sever birth defects and when I saw her I don't even remember looking at them. I was smitten by her right away...I was so afraid she would be hard to look at. Now when I think of her I see a beautiful baby girl without anything missing. Those around you will love Isaac too. Praying for you...xo

Jin'sWifey said...

I will continue to pray for you and you family...I have said it before but you and Isaac are such and inspiration to me (and i am sure many others) Your rock solid faith is unbelieavle..i have learned so much from you..

Oh and of course Isaac will be the most beautiful baby..((HUGS))

Stephanie said...

I randomly ran across your blog quite sometime ago and have never commented on a blog....until today. I have to tell you your blog puts life into perspective. Your strength amazes me. I'll pray, keep my fingers crossed and throw some coins in a fountain for Isaac.

jamie shipley said...

Praying with you guys constantly. Stop by if you want to talk c-sections. I had 2 w/o labor before.

Valerie said...

Stacy -

Sending lots of love and prayers to you, Spencer, and Isaac. Please know that there are a lot of us who are thinking of you and keeping you all close in our hearts.

Anonymous said...

Dear Stacey and Spencer - we've been attending Mountainview for only a month or so, and were there when the pastor prayed for you all this past Sunday. I just wanted to let you know that our prayers are with you as you bring Isaac into the world. God will bless your faithfulness. Your blog is such an inspiration to me.

In His Love....

Emily said...

Oh Stacy. Your doctor was right. Isaac is going to be beautiful. And that's all you're going to see when you look at him: your beautiful son. I had a baby girl with gastroschisis (her intestines were outside of her body) and I can honestly tell you that all I saw when I first saw sweet Mattie was her precious face. I was so much more concerned with whose nose she had than anything else. :) On June 23, 2007, I gave birth to her baby sister, Miller Grace. My sweet third baby girl, she was born with a rare neurological disorder that had not affected her outward appearance... except the way she held her little hands, couldn't open her eyes, and had seizures occasionally. Again, all I saw was the incredible, miraculous beauty of Miller Grace. Both my girls are miracles: Mattie is 3.5 and Miller Grace went to Heaven after just five days. I can tell you, from both ends of the spectrum, that you are going to absolutely fall even more head over heels in love with your son than you already are. You're going to breathe in every single moment you're given and a lifetime is going to be lived in the time you have with him, whether it is a single day or many years. You'll see. It's going to be beautiful... so much more beautiful than you know! I cannot wait to hear all about your precious son!

I am on my face for you.

Wanda said...

I've just found your blog and I am so touched by your story.

I have no new words to offer you but I know that God is in control. I can see that your faith is strong and that you are leaning on Him who is able to carry you.

For the next few weeks...I commit to pray for you! I will be lifting you up....asking God to surround you with His love and mercy.

Your Isaac will be beautiful.....just wait and see.

Anonymous said...

Praying for you.

The Dennstaedt's said...

you don't even know me, but I have been reading your blog through a friend. I am a mommy of 2 and know the deep longing for your babies! My heart hurts for you and I have been praying for you all along this journey. As it comes to the big day, I just thought I would let you know that I am praying for a beautiful day and for a miracle! I am praying for you Tuesday and will be thinking of you all day and praying that God is with you and you are surrounded by His angels!

Anonymous said...

I, too, have a son. Reading your blog over the last several months inspires me in so many ways. Your story, your faith, and your strength is such an incredible example of the power of a mother's love. It is heartbreaking, uplifting, and amazing at the same time. I hope that whenever you need it, you can feel all of the invisible arms of those who are inspired by you holding you up.

Anonymous said...

You are in my prayers that God will give you a peace that passea all understandingand will be with you always, Giving you the strengeth and wisdom and guideance of the holy spirit to lead you in all the decisions you need to make.

Your little Isaac will always be beautiful, continue to talk with him always and keep your eyes upon Jesus.

Donna

Blissful Nikki said...

I found you over at Taylors blog, and I just want you to know that I am praying for you, Issac, your husband, and your family. I lift you all up in prayer to our mightly Lord! God bless you all, I will be checking back!