Thursday, February 5, 2009

But He Gives Us More Grace

The title of this post comes from the book of James, chapter 4 verse 6. And last night, that is exactly what God did. He gave us more grace.

I mentioned in my previous post that Spencer and I were going to be having dinner with our dear friends who delivered their sweet baby Charlie on January 18th. I had been pretty anxious about meeting Charlie, and I think many of the reasons are obvious. But the not-as-obvious reason was this: I wasn't sure if I would be able to be the kind of friend I deeply desire to be to these people... these friends who have so deeply shared in our heartache over Isaac and who have so selflessly cared for us. I just wasn't sure if I would be able to share in their joy as deeply as they had shared in our sorrow... yet I wanted to.

And He gives us more grace.

All day I had reminded myself that it isn't Charlie that I miss, it isn't any baby that I miss... it's Isaac. And Isaac and Charlie are two distinct people. Prior to getting to their house, I stopped by Barnes and Nobel to pick the Jesus Storybook Bible that Angie has mentioned in her blog. I really still have a hard time with baby sutff... blue onesies, blue blankets... so I thought that this, along with a cute teddy bear I found, would be a great choice. Headed to Whole Foods to pick up dinner, and was on my way. I talked with my sister on the way there, and that proved to be a great thing. If you don't know my sister, Kate, you should. Everyone should know her. She is, quite simply, fabulous. And she just listened as I shared my anxiety and encouraged me to just do the best that I could. She wasn't afraid of my tears, and acknowledged the struggle in such a bittersweet situation.

We arrived at our friends', and I just felt at peace. When I saw Charlie, I was genuinely glad to meet him, hold him, look at his long toes, and see how much he resembles his dad... and I was struck by how much he didn't look like Isaac. I think part of my fear was this they would look so similar, but God was gracious in allowing me to see that Charlie and Isaac, although both beautiful babies, are uniquely different.

But He gives us more grace.

We had a yummy dinner and good conversation. I spent some time in the living room with my sweet friend, asking all the usual questions about the delivery, how the epidural went, and so on.. the kinds of questions your girlfriends want to ask you after you deliver a baby. All the while, little Charlie had fallen asleep on my shoulder. It was so good to be able to share in her joy.

But He gives us more grace.

After dinner, we had some yummy dessert and played a game of Settlers. I have become slightly addicted to this game! We ended up staying about 3 hours, which in truth, was longer than I expected I could have been there.

But He gives us more grace.

I don't know that every interaction in the future will go this well; but yesterday it did. I don't know that I will be able to share in our friends' joy as deeply as I would want to in every circumstance; but yesterday I could. And I don't know when the next time will be that I will feel so at peace being around a baby boy who is only a couple months younger than Isaac would have been... who would have been one of Isaac's buddies; but yesterday I was. Because He gives us more grace.

I was also thinking about one of the passages that a dear reader left in her comment in response to the Chris Tomlin giveaway. She left the passage 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I am still a broken mess over what happened with Isaac. It's a hurt that's always there. Some days it's dull, and some days its sharpness penetrates deep within my soul. To be honest, I don't delight in this hardship; but I delight in the fact that God has been very present... and He continues to be. Because...

He gives us more grace.

35 comments:

Emma's Mommy said...

Isn't it an incredible feeling to feel His hand upon you?? I am so happy for you that you were able to enjoy your time with your friends and the time spent with their sweet baby.

Anonymous said...

Absolutely beautiful post Stacy. I am so thankful that this was a positive experience for you and more importantly that you are feeling the Lord with you through this journey.

Bluebird said...

I am in awe of your strength. Thank you for sharing this story. You have given me hope that I too might one day be such a friend.

KAL071203 said...

Stacy I'm so glad it went well for you! Our God is full of abundant grace!

Monica @ Writer Chic said...

I was praying for you. I'm glad you ended up having a good visit with your friends.

Erica said...

awesome

Ebe said...

Such a beautiful and touching post.

I have a friend who always tells me that 'He is holding us up'. I love to think of Him that way...His arms wrapped around me, holding me up.

His grace is sufficient, even when it doesn't feel like it.

The Fabulous Ms. Beth said...

(hugs)

Kelli said...

Beautifully said. Praying for you at this moment!

Eddie said...

Stacy, you don't know me but I came across your blog site visiting my daughter Beth's blog site. Just reading your blog spoke volumes to me and I could feel some of your pain and yet I never really experience what you and your husband went through. I could give you all kinds of scriptures that could give you comfort, but you and I both know that you already know them. I just wanted you to know that I just prayed for you and your husband and I certainly hope that Christ will comfort you in only the way He can and knowing that someday, you will see Little Issac again. God bless you dear lady.

The Knight Family said...

So happy that the time went well - I prayed for you....

Cindy from Tennessee

Susan said...

HIS GRACE...amazing and sufficient. So happy for you Stacy and continuing to pray.

Anonymous said...

Give yourself time and each day the pain will become a little less - never totally gone but a little less. And that was a huge step for you to go and share in the joy of your friends little boy. See you did it. God will always have his loving arms around you to guide you. God bless you and Spencer and especially Baby Isaac.

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Stacy,

I'm so glad His grace was there for you last night. I prayed specifically that He would give you the grace that was needed. He is so faithful to meet our needs. Beautiful post...beautiful verses. Thank you...

Still praying, sweet friend...

Devon said...

i've already told you this, but i am SO proud of you! you took an incredibly hard step and i believe god has blessed you because of it...

praying that he continues to lavish his grace upon you. that this friendship will continue to grow despite the little boy that is missing from the picture.

love you sweet friend. cherish yoru words always...

Devon said...

i've already told you this, but i am SO proud of you! you took an incredibly hard step and i believe god has blessed you because of it...

praying that he continues to lavish his grace upon you. that this friendship will continue to grow despite the little boy that is missing from the picture.

love you sweet friend. cherish yoru words always...

Trish said...

You never cease to amaze in your writing. Beautiful post.

God's answer to the many prayers. I think he also provided HIS great wisdom:)

A little piece of 7th heaven said...

Such an eloquent post..I am glad that HE gave you both such graces.
May we all learn a lesson from you and Isaac..how to be a true friend. Despite our suffering.

Annmarie

~ shi ~ said...

Stacy,

Each day a gift! I am so glad that you had a nice visit and each step you take, takes you closer to Him who we know holds you! God Bless Shi~

Stephanie said...

What an amazing woman you are! You leave me speechless! I can not imagine what you are going through but as I've said before I feel like we are connected as mothers and you have my prayers as always!

Elizabeth said...

Beautiful. Simply beautifully written.

Mandie Lane said...

What a beautiful, strong, faithful woman you are. Praying for you as always....

Kellye, Chad, Hayden, and Sebastian said...

And THIS is my prayer! God is SO GOOD INDEED!!!

Erika said...

What a beautiful post, Stacy. Thank you! I have yet to hold another person's baby since Vivian and Annemarie were stillborn, but I am hoping for the grace to do so soon. You give me lots of hope.

Jen said...

Stacy,

I am glad that God gave you the strength, courage and grace to experience the situation so beautifully. It is a huge step in the right direction for your healing. I can't wait to see you Saturday!

Jen

Mrs. Smith said...

I'm glad you had such a nice time, I was worried about it for you. I'm glad you could rejoice with your friends, and I'm glad that we can still rejoice over Isaac and how beautiful he was and how important his life still is to us.
Love, Taylor

KK said...

I am so thankful HIS grace was sufficient for you and Spencer and your visit went so well.
Continuing to pray for you without ceasing.
Blessings,
Kaye
Matthew 21:22
Psalm 46:10

boltefamily said...

He sure does...he is always giving more and more grace. I am so thankful for that grace. Praying for you always! Love you!

Carolyn said...

You never cease to amaze me. I'm glad the visit went so well.

Robyn said...

Stacy,
Thanks for continuing to share. Your strength... God's strength ... is amazing.

Kristina Petrella said...

thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. If it is settlers of Catan you mention in your post, my husband and I are addicted to it as well...tons of fun.

Ruth said...

I know exactly what you are talking about. Thank-you so much for sharing. You make me feel like I'm normal even tho everything about having your baby die is so not normal. . .But their baby is not my baby and it is my baby that my heart breaks for and he is gone but their miracle is here and I know what it means to just be joyful for them.

Tammy said...

I am so proud of you Stacy, and your ever present desire to follow the heart of God, no matter how much you are hurting. You bring Glory to his name!

Rebecca Louise. said...

I have said this before but you have to be the most gracious person I have 'met' - you just have the most beautiful way of conveying your feelings and emotions.

I was thinking about you when I saw your twitter comment about seeing Charlie and I remember thinking that even though it may be hard, you will be graceful about it.

God gave you grace that Stacy but also know that you have developed it deep within you and it is a pleasure to see in your posts =] xxx.

FishMama said...

Thanks for sharing how God is working in you, Stacy. It's such an encouragement.