But He Gives Us More Grace

The title of this post comes from the book of James, chapter 4 verse 6. And last night, that is exactly what God did. He gave us more grace.

I mentioned in my previous post that Spencer and I were going to be having dinner with our dear friends who delivered their sweet baby Charlie on January 18th. I had been pretty anxious about meeting Charlie, and I think many of the reasons are obvious. But the not-as-obvious reason was this: I wasn't sure if I would be able to be the kind of friend I deeply desire to be to these people... these friends who have so deeply shared in our heartache over Isaac and who have so selflessly cared for us. I just wasn't sure if I would be able to share in their joy as deeply as they had shared in our sorrow... yet I wanted to.

And He gives us more grace.

All day I had reminded myself that it isn't Charlie that I miss, it isn't any baby that I miss... it's Isaac. And Isaac and Charlie are two distinct people. Prior to getting to their house, I stopped by Barnes and Nobel to pick the Jesus Storybook Bible that Angie has mentioned in her blog. I really still have a hard time with baby sutff... blue onesies, blue blankets... so I thought that this, along with a cute teddy bear I found, would be a great choice. Headed to Whole Foods to pick up dinner, and was on my way. I talked with my sister on the way there, and that proved to be a great thing. If you don't know my sister, Kate, you should. Everyone should know her. She is, quite simply, fabulous. And she just listened as I shared my anxiety and encouraged me to just do the best that I could. She wasn't afraid of my tears, and acknowledged the struggle in such a bittersweet situation.

We arrived at our friends', and I just felt at peace. When I saw Charlie, I was genuinely glad to meet him, hold him, look at his long toes, and see how much he resembles his dad... and I was struck by how much he didn't look like Isaac. I think part of my fear was this they would look so similar, but God was gracious in allowing me to see that Charlie and Isaac, although both beautiful babies, are uniquely different.

But He gives us more grace.

We had a yummy dinner and good conversation. I spent some time in the living room with my sweet friend, asking all the usual questions about the delivery, how the epidural went, and so on.. the kinds of questions your girlfriends want to ask you after you deliver a baby. All the while, little Charlie had fallen asleep on my shoulder. It was so good to be able to share in her joy.

But He gives us more grace.

After dinner, we had some yummy dessert and played a game of Settlers. I have become slightly addicted to this game! We ended up staying about 3 hours, which in truth, was longer than I expected I could have been there.

But He gives us more grace.

I don't know that every interaction in the future will go this well; but yesterday it did. I don't know that I will be able to share in our friends' joy as deeply as I would want to in every circumstance; but yesterday I could. And I don't know when the next time will be that I will feel so at peace being around a baby boy who is only a couple months younger than Isaac would have been... who would have been one of Isaac's buddies; but yesterday I was. Because He gives us more grace.

I was also thinking about one of the passages that a dear reader left in her comment in response to the Chris Tomlin giveaway. She left the passage 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I am still a broken mess over what happened with Isaac. It's a hurt that's always there. Some days it's dull, and some days its sharpness penetrates deep within my soul. To be honest, I don't delight in this hardship; but I delight in the fact that God has been very present... and He continues to be. Because...

He gives us more grace.