Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Return

Tomorrow, I return to work. I'll be honest... tomorrow is a day I have been dreading.

Thinking about that has my heart racing and my stomach literally in knots. Please don't misunderstand; I genuinely enjoy my job. Yes, perhaps I am a little crazy, but I really do enjoy teaching in a middle school.

Right now, though, I can't stand the thought of going back. I don't know how I am going to manage dealing with the needs of so many people, mustering the energy to even put a smile on my face and have some level of enthusiasm when interacting with students, or having the wherewithall to be able to mentally juggle everything that I need to. I worry about how the students and the staff members will respond to me upon my return. And I worry about feeling so far behind with everything and not really having the energy to catch up.

But I don't think those are the real reasons I am dreading it.

Truthfully, I don't want to move forward. Moving forward to me means moving farther away from the time that Isaac was born, and I don't like that very much. Our lives returning to how they looked before Isaac came is just excruciating, because it is a very vivid reminder of his absence and how much we so wish that he was still here.

Right now, I have the freedom of being able to feel and just be however I need to be in each moment, and I really like that. I love being able to think about him whenever I want, to pull out my photo album and just re-live the morning of October 7 so that those memories stay fresh. Being at work all day doesn't really allow that. I enjoy having the time at home to work on his baby book, to read, to meet up with friends for lunch or for coffee or for a walk. This time has been safe... life has been a little slower and I have been able to focus my attention on whatever it is I would like. Again, being at work all day doesn't really allow that, either.

I could really use your prayers for my return to work tomorrow. I am terrified by the fact that I am not really sure I can make it through a whole work day. I am terrified that as I become re-engaged with work and all of its demands, that my memories of Isaac won't be as fresh... and I want to remember... vividly. I am terrified of things going back to "normal"... because nothing about this feels normal. Nothing about it feels as it should.

Over the last several months, I have come back to the passage in 2 Corinthians 12 where Paul pleads with the Lord three times to take away his thorn in the flesh. Much like Paul, I also remember pleading with the Lord (on countless occasions, not just three) to take away the pain and the torment and to heal Isaac. But instead of heeding Paul's request, the Lord replied,

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

So I suppose that would be what I would ask you to please pray for... for grace. That God would grant me just enough grace for each moment... grace to even be able to walk through the doors in the morning, grace to interact with my students kindly, grace to be forgiving of people who say the things I just don't need to hear or who act like nothing has happened, grace to be able to have moments in my day where my thoughts can rest on Isaac, grace to be forgiving of myself if everything isn't "just so"... you get the idea. God's power and grace really are going to have to do the work; I just can't.

Thank you for praying... thank you for your encouragement... thank you for continuing to uphold us as we continue to pick up the pieces.

118 comments:

The Balsmeyer Family said...

Stacy, I will continue to pray for you & Spencer. I hope with God's grace, tomorrow will go smoothly.

Bridget =) said...

i know this day will be so hard. a part of me wishes for you that you didn't have to go back, so you could spend a little more time healing and living in the moments you want to focus on...

big hugs... and good luck. i know I'm a stranger but I'll be thinking of you....

The Hulocks said...

Praying for you!

Monica @ Writer Chic said...

I told you months ago I would walk this road with you. Still here, still walking. Praying for and loving on you, today and tomorrow especially.

Baseballs and Tutu's said...

I will continue to pray for both of you. I pray that things will go smoothly tomorrow and I pray for God's grace in this transition.

Bethany said...

I will be praying, Stacy.

Susan said...

Stacy,
God will bless you with the grace you need..."and grace, my fears relieved".
You will most definitely have my prayers tomorrow, as you do each and every day.

Ashly Tucker said...

Those verses in Corinthians really spoke to me when you typed them out. Thank you for sharing. Hopefully the thought of going back to work is worse than the reality. I know exactly how you feel about not wanting to be normal-that was my big thing too. Everyone around me thought that I'd want things to be "normal" but I don't! And I'm thankful that you can understand and I'm not weird. I hate that we share this common bond-it stinks!!! I'll be praying for you extra hard tomorrow:)

Erin said...

Praying for the Lord's peace and comfort for you. His grace IS sufficient! Just remember that people don't know how to act when it comes to death and they are only doing what they know how to do. Let people know it's okay to talk about your little guy and I bet they will. If the day gets too rough, go home. You are allowed to grieve. Take a half day. We will all be thinking of you tomorrow

Rebecca Taylor said...

I have been praying for both of you, but will pray especially hard for you today.

Verna said...

Praying for you daily. Will continue praying for you. I know many bloggers will be praying for you, and God will give you the strength to cope with going back to work. We will always remember your precious Isaac!

Maria (MKC101103) said...

God has been with you through this whole journey and He won't let you down tomorrow. I'll be thinking and praying for you...lots of hugs.

Jess :) said...

Stacy,

My prayers will most definitely be with you, as they have been for quite some time!!
I am a teacher, as well and know what it's like to have such a demanding job!
Please know that you have so many of us praying for you and the Lord will be with you!

Thank you for sharing your heart with us!

Love,
Jess :)

Amber said...

Stacy,
I will be praying for you tomorrow. Isaac will be there with you, kind of like when you were pregnant. He will always be with you...although not in the way you want. My heart hurts for you and Spencer and I'm praying for you whenever God brings you to mind.

Sonya said...

Stacy,
I woke up this morning around 1 am with you on my mind. I knew that this day was getting close for you. I asked God to give you peace about returning to work and give you strength to carry on.

Rebecca said...

In my bible study this week we were discussing how God does not want us to worry because He will take care of us. It was so interesting because we were saying when we worry we are robbing ourselves of the present. I just don't want you to worry so much today that your last day at home isn't all that you want it to be. God WILL give you the grace you need. He has never left your side. I will continue to pray for you. Enjoy your last day :)

Emily said...

Stacy, Sending my prayers for you & Spencer today, tomorrow and for the days ahead.

Teresa said...

My job is a lot different than yours but after my last miscarriage, I lasted about half an hour my first day back. For you, it must be harder. It had only been a week and I think it was just too soon to return. When I went back the next day I just did what I had to do to get by. I didn’t look anyone in the eye I just put on a fake smile and politely responded to people. I gradually began to interact with people and it was like they knew that I wasn’t ready until I really looked at them. I work in an office and it is a lot different than being a teacher. Several times my 3 year old has asked me if I was sad. Kids pick up on these things. Middle school kids are very different than preschoolers but if they do ask, I would just tell them you miss your son. That way you don’t have to go into detail and they should just drop it. I don’t know if this helps but you have helped me a lot. I have had 2 miscarriages and have been blessed with 3 children. It was a long hard road but I have managed to get through it. You are a lot stronger than you think. You have been an inspiration to me. Thank you for sharing your journey.

Anonymous said...

You are going to make it through this. Through your blog you have shown us amazing strength and that strength will carry you through the days ahead. We are all still praying for you.

Anonymous said...

I will pray for you, as I have been. God will give you the strength that you need to get thru the day tomorrow. No one at your job can or should expect you to be anything other than what you are right now. I wish you could take more time for yourself. Maybe look for moments in the day where you know you will have a few minutes in between your classes to think about Isaac. Can you bring a photo or do you have a small photo album to carry in your bag? If these are things that give you comfort (which all parents love to look at, you should feel no different) then bring them.
Again, my prayers and thoughts are with you.
Alicia

Whitney said...

I will be praying that you find peace upon your return to work. I am sure it will be a difficult day but Isaac will be right beside you.

Julie said...

Praying for grace and peace and clarity for you. Isaac is always, always with you...

I know tomorrow will be hard. Know you are not alone...just look how many will be holding you close?

asplashofsunshine said...

I can not imagine. You and Isaac will be in my thoughts as always.

I am sure your middle school children will look up to you more than you will ever know. One day in the future when they are ready to have a family, or just at the sight of an infant, many of them will think of you and how wonderful of a woman you are.

Take care. Hugs from CA.

they call me the boss said...

Praying for your return to work to go smoothly. Also praying for you to have peace in knowing that God provides mothers with a wonderful memory when it comes to our children. The only thing that will fade is the pain. You will never forget the smell of Isacc or the way he felt in your arms. You will always remember his sweet face and all the wonderful feelings you had . Praying for peace for you and Spencer!

Kelly said...

You are in my prayers.

Marisha said...

I'll be thinking of you and praying for you. I hope that your return to work goes smoothly and remember that the Lord will be with you at every moment.

Stephanie said...

I know its going to be hard, and you dont want to move on, but maybe this will be a good thing. I will be praying for you in the coming weeks!

hopeful #1 said...

My husband is also a middle school teacher and he too loves his job. As hard as this day might be for you, I will pray that God not only gives you graces for each trying moment but also strength.

For all you know, you might be surprised at the reaction from your students. Although they are at an awkward age their maturity levels change and they might have moments when it will shine through.

So, I will pray for your. For grace and for strength... I hope that your students and co-workers surprise you... :)

Hugs...

Jess said...

Praying for you.

Kate said...

Lifting you in prayer for grace and strength.

Alexandra's Mommy said...

We will be thinking about you tomorrow! We hope that you are able to somewhat enjoy your day and hope that if you can't make it through the day you are able to go home and rest and regroup!!

We will be thinking about you!!

The Schuler Family

Katie said...

Praying for you Stacy.

hennhouse said...

praying

Maryland Mommy said...

Stacy, I have been reading your blog for a while now and have been praying for you and your family. I will be thinking of you tomorrow as you return to work. Hang in there. My grandmother once gave me this advice while she was dying of breast cancer and it stuck and I always pass it along...

Take it one day at a time, if that doesn't work, take it one hour at a time, if that doesn't work, take it one minute at a time and if that doesn't work, take it one second at at time. But remember, you only have to do right now and God doesn't give you anymore than you can handle.

Hope this helps. Good luck tomorrow.

Emma's Mommy said...

Stacy, I continue to pray for you and Spencer that God may grant you what you need to get you through THAT particular moment. He knows that each moment is different that the moment before. I will pray for you tonight and tomorrow morning as you prepare to reenter your life as a teacher. I believe that it is going to be incredibly hard for you, but I also believe that the Lord will be right by your side.

I'll be thinking about you!!!

Liz and Will Timmerman said...

Hi Stacy,

You are definitely in my prayers for tomorrow. If it gives you any comfort, (and maybe Spencer has already found this to be true when he went back to work) my husband is also a middle school teacher, and when we lost our Luke this past February, the first day he went back to work he spent each class period talking with his students about all that had happened while he was gone. He didn't do lesson plans, he didn't set out to achieve anything. And you know what? He was amazed at what unfolded. By telling the kids in an honest way the events of the day his son was born, describing whose hands, whose hair, etc. that our baby boy had, and how we got to spend the day with him before we had to say goodbye - the kids where awestruck and reverent. He let them ask questions. The kids opened up. Told about their sister's baby, or their own sibling who had died young. They asked questions about death, and about Luke. They were extremely good. They even wrote letters and poems to my husband and me. It was beautiful. They learned far more from this than any lesson plan my husband could have tried to struggle through that day. My husband was extremely open with them, and told them that at times he may need to take a break from teaching if he feels sad, or if he needs to step out of the room for a moment. The kids were very understanding. Some teachers did avoid him in the beginning, but for the most part, his friends were there for hugs and shared tears. To me, this was God's grace getting him through. He was able to see his kids more human and sweet side (which is sometimes hard to see in that age!) and parents even called and sent cards to tell him how they appreciated his honesty with their kids, and to send their condolences.

I know what you mean about not wanting this healing time to end, and worrying that going back to a regular routine will cause you to forget about Isaac's birth. You are his mom though, and there is nothing on this earth that will EVER cause you to forget about your sweet son. Do not be afraid of that. Life will continue to move on, but your love for Isaac will never ever change. Be easy on yourself. Take it slow these next couple of weeks at school. There is no timeframe on grieving, so do not feel like going back to work will force you to move on. You will just find different ways to keep Isaac in your life. And trust me, you will. You have already done so wonderfully Stacy, that I know that God will continue to give you the grace you need. So, take it one day at a time, lean on our Lord, and you will find the grace to get through. I ended up making a small picture book of memories that I brought with me when I returned to work to look at in private when I felt I need a "Luke Fix" for my memories. Plus, it just helped knowing that pictures of Luke were nearby.

I pray for a peaceful night sleep for you tonight, and a day full of grace and blessings tomorrow.

Hugs,
Liz Timmerman

Melanie said...

Stacy, I have been in your place somewhat... I started working with a girl that was pregnant and I was too well after 5 days of working here I found out my baby had passed in my womb. It was very difficult for me to come back to my job because she was pregnant and just about to deliver. The Lord has showered me with so much peace and I know He has me here to share my testimony to her because she is not a believer. I will pray for you and my specific prayer would be that the Lord will help you as you go back to work and that the Lord will give you GRACE and that you will be able to share your testimony to those around you that don't know Him! God bless you my friend and know that im here for you!

Jerilyn said...

Stacy, I have read your blog for sometime now, I have had much sadness for you and your family and though I cant know your pain and sadness, I do understand. I know it will be hard for you to return to work, as Christians we must always remember God will never put more on us than what we can handle...he moves us forward, not to forget but to be to continue to live. YOur little boy was needed by God, just as you are needed by your students and co workers, you need them as well to continue the promise of each new day..God is here for you, he will answer our prayers, maybe not in the way we want or when we want. I know and believe God will make it through with you, step by step, day by day. God Bless you.

pollykinz said...

Stacy, you personify the word grace. I can't imagine how hard it will be for you tomorrow, but I know that if anyone can get through it, you can. I will be praying for you.

Pretty Hills said...

"God will wipe away every tear from their eyes." - Revelation 7:17

"Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love."
- Lamentations 3:32

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
- Psalm 147:3

Stacy, you don't know me, I have been following your blog, and my heart aches for the pain you have gone through. I couldn't even imagine. But, I do know, my God is real, and His love is endless. There is an old saying, 'If He brings you to it, He will bring you through it'. I know God has great plans for you. As for tomorrow, I pray that the Lord will wrap His arms around you so tightly that you will just wisk through your day. He is our almighty Father, and I know with Him you will heal, and you will make it through tomorrow.
blessings,
Jennifer

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it.""
- Isaiah 30:21

Pretty Hills said...

"God will wipe away every tear from their eyes." - Revelation 7:17

"Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love."
- Lamentations 3:32

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
- Psalm 147:3

Stacy, you don't know me, I have been following your blog, and my heart aches for the pain you have gone through. I couldn't even imagine. But, I do know, my God is real, and His love is endless. There is an old saying, 'If He brings you to it, He will bring you through it'. I know God has great plans for you. As for tomorrow, I pray that the Lord will wrap His arms around you so tightly that you will just wisk through your day. He is our almighty Father, and I know with Him you will heal, and you will make it through tomorrow.
blessings,
Jennifer

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it.""
- Isaiah 30:21

Anonymous said...

Stacy,

I pray that tomorrow goes well. I wish that you did not have to go back so soon :( Please know that we are all here for you and will be there for you tomorrow as you take one breath at a time and take one step at a time.

Please take care.

Rachel E. said...

Praying for you, Stacy.

Teresa said...

Stacy,

This might seem hard to believe but I weep for you every single day. I am not the best Christian and am trying very hard to understand Scripture so I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense but every time I cry for you Matthew 2:18 pops into my head,

"A voice is heard in Ramah, weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more."

I don't know why I always think of that particular Scripture but I wonder if it's God's way of showing me that He hears our desparation and wants women to weep for other women when the grieving mother doesn't have anything left. I don't know, I feel like such a goober and baby Christian writing this. I will keep praying for you always

Nichelle said...

I will pray that going back to work does not bring a flood of emotions. Remember that people will ask you "how are you doing?" because they care and don't know what else to say. You don't have to pretend that you are "fine" because you are not. People will understand if they see a tear, or hear sadness in your voice.

Look to your heavenly Father to strengthen you.

Rebecca Jo said...

I will most definitely be praying for you.... but maybe this is a good thing - to move you forward - not forgetting Isaac - but moving you back into people's lives that you can touch!!! its going to be hard to take those first few steps - but Jesus is with every step you take!!!

Anonymous said...

I know it feels like this is too soon and you've not yet gotten to the point that you need to be to be able to deal with life returning to "normal". I have faith that God is carrying you safely in his hands and that his grace will be more than sufficient to see you through. I hope your day was peaceful. Isaac will always be a part of you and is with you wherever you go.

Tif said...

Hi Stacy, I haven't posted in awhile...just wanted you to know that you remain in my daily prayers.

Sarah said...

I am praying for you today and tomorrow and always. I hope that you are able to get through what will be a very difficult day as easily as possible. Big hugs to you!

Anonymous said...

Stacy, You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

KKM said...

Stacy, Please feel the strenght of all of the people praying for you tomorrow. I know that this has been said before, but know there are so many people you will never know that are praying for you, and think of Issac daily. We will hold you up tomorrow (and anytime you need) when you dont think you can do it yourself.

Cara said...

Stacy - tomorrow is a big day. It is one the "firsts" that isn't usually associated with a baby's first year. But this, as difficult as it is..is YOUR year of firsts without Isaac.

The first day back to work is a biggie. And - if you can't make it through the day, that's ok. Just go home and feel good that you made it 2 hours, 4 hours or whatever you managed.

Praying for you - for whatever you need.

Kellye, Chad, Hayden, and Sebastian said...

You will definitely be in my prayers! Just know though that nothing will ever be normal...not the normal you know and so it is in search of a knew normal, one you find comfort and rest in that I wish for you and your family. BIG HUGS and best of luck!

Anonymous said...

. . . Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

- Romans 5:3-5

Love and Prayers from San Diego.

Michelle said...

I'll be praying for you tomorrow just as I have been every time you come to mind. I'll be praying that God will cover you with His grace as you go back to work. I hope and pray that in time your return to work will be a good thing and bring you comfort rather than worry.

Pete, Alison and Charlie said...

Stacy - we've been praying for you so hard since before Isaac was born. We'll be thinking of you tomorrow, on what is bound to be a tough day. With love XX

Anonymous said...

Dear Stacy--I hope you got my e card on this. I can imagine, being in a helping profession and having dealt with loss, how hard it is to go back, deal with others, feel distance from your Isaac, and be worried about each moment.

Do your best, it will be enough. I will be praying for you every step of the way. It must make you mad and sad that you have to leave your Isaac "home". But do not forget, he is with you--just in a different way.

Our prayers remain with you. Much love, Jill and Andy

Jess said...

Hang in there Stacy! I'll be thinking of you!!!

Kelly said...

Oh, Stacy...my heart aches with you. And I will pray for His sufficient grace to carry you through every moment, every step of tomorrow and the next day and the next. He will pour out His grace on you...and His grace is always sufficient. You will never forget your Isaac...do not fear, dear sister. He is woven into the tapestry of your lives...always on your mind...always in your heart. He is part of the person you are and the person you will become. Steps back into life are not steps away from him. His memory is carried with you and his legacy lives on through your blog and in your life...which is a beautiful ministry and a beautiful testimony of the life of your Isaac. I, too wish you had more time before you had to return to work. Your grief is still very new. Give yourself plenty of grace for the journey ahead. You are still healing, and you will be for a long time. Go gently...dear friend.

In His Grace,
Kelly Gerken

Nicole said...

Oh, how I know how hard that feeling of returning to "normal" must be. Praying for God to surprise you tomorrow with moments (if only for seconds) of joy...joy for some of the things that have always made you happy. Praying for rest and a calm spirit tonight.

Sandra said...

I will be thinking about you tomorrow at 6:30 when you are preparing to leave the house, and at 7:30 when the kids are walking through the doors, and every moment of your day. You will get through tomorrow, just as you have gotten through so many yesterdays. Your son has given you courage to face the unthinkable, and I know you will be able to use his memory to get through tomorrow.

THIS IS ME....ONLINE said...

Stacy, I truly believe that God will give you what you need tomorrow....whatever that is. He is probably not going to take away all the well-intended, yet painful questions and statements that we all say when we don't know what to say. I work in a middle school as well. Your kids are probably feeling the loss of Baby Isaac and are concerned for you as well. Soak up some of their love.

Amanda said...

I am praying that tomorrow is gentle on you.

Amanda

Amy said...

Especially praying for you tomorrow. Isaac is your son, and nothing can change that...he is a part of you and will go with you always.

Jen said...

I was reminded of you again today while listening to the radio, and this song by Natalie Grant came on, "Held."

As a teacher myself, I know how hard it is to have your mind elsewhere, but have 30+ students needing your every ounce of energy and attention...but as you go back...try to focus on your love for the job, what inspired you to do it, and how you are making the world a better place- child by child, in Isaac's honor. There will be hard moments- but none too difficult for God to hold you in. These are the lyrics that especially made me think of you:
"Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held."

I hope this brings a tiny bit of comfort. I'll be praying for you and your return back to school tomorrow. His strength will hold you.

Ashley said...

I think if you every day and pray that God gives you the grace you need. I pray that tomorrow, when you return to work, you will be able to move throughout your day with God's grace. I pray that this transition goes as smoothly as possible.

Prayers and hugs to you and Spencer.

rebecca said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I pray for strength and peace for you tomorrow.

Blessings!

AmandaHoyt said...

I'm praying for you, Stacy.
Hugs,
Amanda

Courtney said...

Sending lots of prayers and huge hugs ... I know how hard it was for my husband to go back to teaching after we lost our sweet baby ... You are and will be in my thoughts and prayers all day! God Bless!

Wendy said...

will be thinking of you all tomorrow (((hugs)))

our family said...

I will be praying for you to have peace as you make it through your first day back at work.
Hugs and Prayers
Rachel in PA

Anonymous said...

Stacy, I am also a teacher and know full well how the demands of all those students leave us able to focus on little else. God has you where you need to be.... be kind to yourself this week, and don't forget what you need to do for you. I will be thinking of you tomorrow....

Nilia

Laura said...

Praying for much grace...each moment.

The Padilla Family said...

I am also a teacher and know how hard it is to go back and be there fully for all those kids. Keep a picture of sweet Isaac by your desk and remember those sweet 16 minutes every time you look at it. No matter what...you will always remember those times---they will never disappear. Praying for you...

Mochamama said...

Stacy, I'm praying for you. I've lost a baby a couple of years ago and remember having days where I would cry until there were no tears left and then were days where I was just numb. I remember those days where no matter what people said, and I know they meant well, I still had an ache that wouldn't go away. It was during this time that God worked in my heart and taught me so much about relying on him because it was the only thing I could do, as I had no strength of my own. I pray that God will give you strength, peace, wisdom, and surround you with his love.

So Blessed said...

"The LORD is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed."
Deut. 31:8

Praying for you as you return to work and claiming the promise in the verse above for you.

Kristin (kekis) said...

As always, you are covered in prayer. I hope the anxiety of returning is much worse than the day itself.

Krystal said...

Praying for you!

Betty L, said...

Stacy,
You are not alone.You will never forget one little second of being with Isaac.

Maybe you may need to do half days.
Just do what you can.May you feel
all of our prayers tomorrow and
always. May you feel God's
abundant grace every moment.

Praying for peace and grace.

KK said...

Praying your first day back at work goes well. Please know you are in my continued thoughts and prayers,
Kaye
Psalm 46:10

grandmaof6 said...

You will be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow. You may be surprised by your students. Middle schoolers can be very sensitive and caring--sometimes more so than grown ups.

Connor's Mom said...

Strangely, I felt the need to come see how you were doing today. God will give you the grace, and IT IS sufficient.

I will pray for peace, too, in your first day back. I'm sure everyone will welcome you with open arms and an understanding that you're not going to be 100% yet. No one would expect that, not anyone with a heart anyway.

Take care and have faith in His power,
a fellow Staci

~Kelli said...

Good luck tomorrow! More prayers your way

Erika said...

Stacy, praying for you on your first day back at work. Huge hugs!

Joanne said...

I am praying for you. God is there beside you, holding you up.

Open your Eyes. said...

I am thinking of you and those beautiful pictures of Isaac...I hope going back to teaching is better than think and hope x.

Susan said...

Praying for you this morning...may Gods' grace cover you.

Anonymous said...

I know today will be a tough day for you. You are in my prayers!

Anonymous said...

I know today will be a tough day for you. You are in my prayers!

Megan said...

Praying for you this morning.

Stephanie said...

Time may pass but Isaac's impact for Christ continues STRONG!
He will never be forgotten and will always be missed.
I know returning to work will not be easy or fun. If it is too hard, take a year off. I know that is a trite thing to say but do what you have to to survive this grief.
Maybe the middle schoolers will be a blessing?? I will continue to pray for you.
You have become an incredible writer. Your words changing the lives of so many because of Isaac's life.
Love from Tennessee!

Amy, queen of the world. said...

You won't ever forget. Never. Prayers on your return to work.

Stacie said...

Stacy -- I am praying for you today. I have no idea what it feels like to walk in your shoes with the loss of a child. I do have a 4 year old son with brain and spine cancer and know that his loss could be my reality one day. Each day I put one foot in front of the other. Many days I know God is the only one keeping those feet in motion.

You do such an amazing job of putting your feelings into words. Isaac is blessed to have you as his mother. Hang in there. And know that there are SO SO many people taking your emotional well being before the throne of God.

Much love,
Stacie Smith
http://smithscooptexas.blogspot.com

Rainbow Mom said...

I thought of you when I read this today.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008

OH, THAT I KNEW WHERE I MIGHT FIND HIM.Job 23:3
In Job's extremely trying circumstances, he cried for the Lord. The longing desire of an afflicted child of God is to see his Father's face once more. His first prayer is not "Oh, that I might be healed of the disease that now spreads through my body!" nor even "Oh, that I might see my children restored from the jaws of the grave, and my property returned to me from the hand of the thief!" The first and foremost cry is, "Oh, that I knew where I might find Him, who is my God, that I might come even to His seat!" God's children run home when the storm comes. It is the heaven-born instinct of a gracious soul to seek shelter from all ills beneath the wings of Jehovah. "He who has made God his refuge" might serve as the title of a true believer. A hypocrite, when afflicted by God, resents the infliction and, like a slave, would run from the Master who has scourged him; but not so the true heir of heaven, who kisses the hand that struck him and seeks shelter from the rod in the heart of the God who frowned upon him. Job's desire to commune with God was intensified by the failure of all other sources of consolation. The patriarch turned away from his sorry friends and looked up to the heavenly throne, just as a traveler turns from his empty water jug and makes a beeline for the well. He bids farewell to earthborn hopes and cries, "Oh, that I knew where I might find my God!" Nothing teaches us about the preciousness of the Creator as much as when we learn the emptiness of everything else. Turning away with bitter scorn from earth's hives, where we find no honey, but many sharp stings, we rejoice in Him whose faithful word is sweeter than honey or the honeycomb. In every trouble we should first seek to realize God's presence with us. Only let us enjoy His smile, and then we can bear our daily cross with a willing heart for His dear sake. C.H.Spurgeon

Melsie said...

my thoughts are with you this morning... ((hugs)) may your day be quick and fast...

Rachel C. said...

PRAYING for you today. This time last year I was coming to school (I also work with middle schoolers) every day knowing that the tiny baby in me, our first, was dead, but my body was still holding on to him/her. Looking back, remembering, I don't know how in the world I did that. I just know GOD was so good to bring me through every day. I know He will be with you through every minute of today. As He brings you to mind I will be praying for you again and again!

Rachel

Kellye, Chad, Hayden, and Sebastian said...

You are being prayed for today!!!!! I pray that the Lord places his hands on your heart and around you so that you can feel his presence with every breath. I pray that you feel Him at every turn to stay strong and when you can't stay strong or if you do fall apart, that you will feel Him putting you together again. He is with you today as am I....

In His Grip!

Anonymous said...

Please, please help Stacy get through this day.

Jen J said...

I just wanted to tell you that I'm praying for you and thinking of you today. I know that it's hard to return to your new "normal" but I pray that you find comfort in the embrace of co-workers.

{{{HUGS}}}

mikeandmonica said...

Prayers coming your way. I will be thinking of you today and hope that your first day back is going okay. HUGS coming your way as well.

FSD said...

Stacy, I will be praying for God's grace to get you through this day and the days that follow. Take it one day at a time. If you can't make it through whole days at first, try half days. Shalom.

Anonymous said...

Praying for you today and everyday. God's grace can sustain you and I hope will bring you some comfort.
Love,
Steph

Anonymous said...

Praying for you today, that God would give you the grace and strength to get through every moment.

Kyle, Jamie, & Kason said...

Praying for you today and every day.

SS Akins Family said...

Stacy, I pray that God's grace is with you as you go back to work. You and Spencer are continually in our prayers.

AngelsAmid said...

Stacy- I just wanted to let you know I'm praying for you today. I hope it goes as best as it possibly can. I know it's going to be hard though. I'm thinking of you (hugs)

Nestie Becoming_untied said...

I am thinking of you and praying for you. Keep breathing. God will get you through it.

Kena Bowman said...

I thought of you today - I hope that your 1st day back at work has been a blessing that you wouldn't have imagined. As is usual for the day, you are in my prayers!

Michelle said...

Stacy, my prayers are with you today. I can only imagine how difficult today is for you, to return to the "normalcy" and to have to face your students and co-workers who I am sure don't know what to say or how to help you. I pray for strength for you to make it through this day, and the coming days..one at a time. And that Isaac's memory and the memory of his birthday stays in your mind, just as vivid as always, even as you begin to add more responsibilities and activities to your daily routine. Big hugs to you.

Julie said...

Stacy - I commented yesterday, thought of you all night, and have been thinking of you all day. Holding you close in prayers and hoping it was as good of a day as it could have been. And that you found time to just "be" with Isaac.

Hugs and prayers.

lottfam said...

I am praying for you, Sister in Christ. Please let us know how you made it through your day. May you feel the prayers being said on your behalf today . . .

Anonymous said...

I hope your day went okay.
Thinking of you.
Em
Australia

LMP said...

I thought of you often throughout the day. I hope you made it through your first back day ok. I can only imagine how hard it was for you to go back to work. I just want you to know that even though I don't know you I am thinking about you and Spencer and sweet, little Isaac every day and praying for you.

Sandra said...

I hope you're drinking a glass of wine with your feet, holding Spencer's hand. You made it!

Catherine said...

I hope your day bck was easier than expected!

Sandra the Idiot said...

Wait, with your feet UP, not with your feet. Drinking wine with your feet would just be messy!

Susan said...

Please let us know how the day went...when you are ready.
Still praying in Indiana

Betty said...

This almost brought tears