Monday, November 24, 2008

Safe

Isn't this what every parent wants for their child? For them to be safe? I remember being in the hospital and wanting to know when folks from the funeral home came to pick up Isaac, and I wanted to know that Isaac had arrived back there safely. I couldn't stand the thought of anything happening to him in the meantime.

"Mighty to Save" is a song that we frequently sing in worship at church. I remember it meaning so much to me when I was pregnant with Isaac, faithfully singing the words and truly believing what it was I was singing... that God is mighty to save, and truly believing that He was going to save Isaac. After Isaac was born, I had trouble listening to this song. In fact, I often turned it off when it came on the radio because, quite frankly, the song made me angry... I felt as though God hadn't saved Isaac, that He wasn't mighty to save.

Oh, but He was.

As I was leaving work this past Thursday, "Mighty to Save" came on the radio, and for some reason that day, I decided to listen and not turn it off. I thought about what the word "save" means. To make safe... to keep from danger or harm...to safeguard. Like I said, isn't that what every parent wants for their child? As I realized this , I just began to weep. My tears were both of sadness that I can't be the one to provide that safety for my son and the reality of the loss of Isaac hitting so hard, but also tears of gratitude that my God, who is much greater than I, can provide safety for Isaac... and has... and will continue to for all eternity. In the greatest sense, Isaac is safe. He isn't here, and oh I wish so badly that he was; I continue to struggle deeply with the fact that God didn't heal him on this side of heaven. But he is safe... safe in the arms of God, as John McArthur puts it in his book. He's more than safe... and for that, I am so thankful.

More on the idea of thankfulness in a few days...

34 comments:

Anonymous said...

Stacy, you are a wonderful mother! Sometimes grief blinds you from part of reality while you are dealing with the reality that hurts the most. I think that God kept wanting to remind you his "Mighty to Save" and let you know that Isaac is safe and happy with him. I so admire your strength. Thanks again for sharing your heartfelt emotions and thoughts through this very diffcult time in your life.

-Connie

Monica @ Writer Chic said...

Oh, Stacy....I'm so proud of you. Praying for you always!

Jess :) said...

Stacy,

How true is that!! He is "Mighty to Save" and we just have to know that everything he chooses for us...happens because HE wants it to! We all know that baby Isaac is SAFE in the arms of God and what a powerful thing that is!

My prayers will continue to be with you and Spencer! May you have a very blessed week and a wonderful Thanksgiving! :)

Love,
Jess :)

P.S. I'm assuming, just like me, since we're teachers...you have a shortened week?!?! Praise be to God for that!!

Angela said...

Oh thank you for continuing to share your heartache and for always trusting God even when you don't want to.

Misty Rice-Baniewicz said...

Beautifully said!

You are stronger than you think, I believe! You are sorting through your emotions and your pain in a beautiful and strong way.

Keep that faith, IT will be the only thing that gets you to the next chapter in your life.

God Bless.

Misty Rice-Baniewicz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Corie said...

Praying for you!

Amber said...

Stacy,
You are amazing. You inspire me with all that you are sharing. I think about you all the time and praying for you.

Cheryl said...

It's really hard to realize that sometimes isn't it. I'm still praying for you and Spencer.

Liz and Will Timmerman said...

Stacy,
On the note of thankfulness, I am thankful for your blog, and your willingness to share your faith and emotions with strangers. Although we both would do anything to be able to hold our sons on this side of heaven, alive and well, we can both rest in knowing that He is Mighty to Save, and our children are safe and sound in the arms of Jesus. We have done our work as parents on earth - our children have reached the ultimate goal - they are in heaven. I also believe that with a child in heaven, Isaac will fight extra hard to make sure his mom, dad and future siblings all make it to heaven as well. That is the gift that Isaac is giving you and his family on earth.

Lots of love,
Liz Timmerman

Hope Wilson said...

What a blessing for you to "see" it that way...continued blessings!

Anonymous said...

Stacy,

Isaac is safe and watches you daily to make sure that you and Spencer and safe as well.

I continue to pray for you each and every day and.

Please take care.

amrisser said...

stacy-we sang this in church yesterday. I thought of our situation, and i thought of yours. Isn't it amazing the way God can speak to us in different situations, through the same song. He really is a "mighty" God :) I am glad you had that moment :) Happy Thanksgiving to you Spencer, and sweet Issac.
-amy

Michelle said...

He's safe and he's REJOICING and GLORIFYING Jesus--not a tear shed. What a glorious home he has with his Creator. And remember that it is the Lord who watches over you and keeps you every day. Love you.

Foreverloves said...

What a beautiful sentiment. You are not alone in those thoughts; I remember begging the people at the funeral home not to "forget" my sons - I was sure they would be forgotten in the group burial we chose. (They weren't).

You are stronger than you know.

Rebecca Jo said...

How God is speaking to you!

David said...

Still praying for you guys and following you. Please don't stop writing.

AmandaHoyt said...

Stacy,
Great post. "Mighty to Save" is one of my new favorites and it is so true.
I'm praying for you.
Hugs,
Amanda

Cynthia said...

I am glad that you can feel that. You are a terrific mother. Blessings to you and your family. Praying without ceasing.

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Stacy, as always you share your heart so beautifully. He is mighty to save! And you are so right...Isaac is safe in the arms of Jesus and He will always be safe! I often have said my children in Heaven are safe...I do not worry about them. (I miss them...I ache for them...but I do not fear for their safety.) It is my sons who are still with me on Earth that I continue to pray for safety from all the dangers this world holds for them. But we can rest in the enduring truth that our God is and will remain Mighty to Save. I'm so grateful you were able to allow His comfort to wash over you today. He loves you so much...and the words are true for us, too...He is mighty to save all of us. What a gift!

Still praying...
Kelly

FSD said...

What a beautiful post! And what an awesome revelation the Lord gave you!

Anonymous said...

You are such an amazing woman and mother. Sweet Isaac is one of the most beautiful baby boys I have ever seen (HONESTLY) and he is such a lucky boy to have a mommy to love him as much as you do. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this all must be for you, but I will pray that God continues to give you the strength you need to face each day.

Open your Eyes. said...

Lovely words :) xxx.

Jill said...

You are such a mom.

Kelli said...

I remember feeling that way too. When we picked up Erickson's ashes from the funeral home, we stopped at the grocery store before heading home. I had a panic attack in the grocery store because I left my baby in the car(essentially). I love the message that Isaac is safe with God. At least that thought is a little bit comforting. Big hugs.

Walking by Faith said...

Bless your heart, Stacy. You're right...he is safe. No safer place than in the arms of God. Praying for you this week.~Heidi

t said...

Thanks for your thoughts on Mighty to Save. There is a couple where I live in Wyoming that just lost their premature twin boy the other day. He was only 3 weeks old. This will be so nice to share with them. Bless you for sharing your feelings with people you don't even know. Your always in my prayers.

Katie said...

What a poignant post ... so beautifully written.

Laura said...

Coming to your blog from Luke Sponberg's Foundation....Stacy, your son was absolutely beautiful!!! I am so very sorry that Isaac is not being held in your arms at this moment with you breathing in his sweetness. You are an amazingly strong woman! I will be thinking of you and your family during the holiday season.

Danielle Holsapple said...

I love this song. I, too, lost my son 11hrs after he was born. And God didn't save him. But, he never intended, too. And like you said, He saved our kids kids in a different way. They will never feel the pain that life on Earth so often brings. That and so much more. Thanks for reminding me of this today.

willemien said...

Dear Stacy, I am a Dutch woman who very unexpectedly lost our daughter Hanna at birth, almost three months ago now (Hanna was born on 27th of August). The storms are amazingly strong since then.

I am so glad I know Jesus. Even more so since I lost her. I miss her so much. Am grateful beyond words knowing she is with Him.

An english friend wrote me an e-mail telling me about your weblog. I am glad she did!

I am amazed by you, but also understand you. Only God could let a woman shine like this when suffering so very, very much.

Your son Isaac is absolutely beautiful. You must be looking forward to seeing him when you die.

with love, Willemien

Cara said...

Stacy - our maternal instincts don't leave us even though our children do. Of course you worried about his travel from the hospital to the funeral home.

I worried and beat myslef up because Emma had a much longer journey (three hours away) for an autoposy. Then, back again for funeral preparations.

(sigh) - We are built to worry, to love, and to protect.

Thank God for your faith!

Carla Burlando said...

I just found my way to your blog. You precious Isaac was beautiful. You have wonderful pictures to keep those tender memories. One thing to be thankful for...since we are on the topic lately.

As a mother we want nothing more than to keep our kids safe. Loosing one goes against every God given mothering instinct we have. We would do anything for our children. I remember that fear of leaving letting our son go and actually leaving his body alone.
I was given a dream to put my mind at ease at one point (I share this on my blog)...that was a gift and eased the fear and anxiety for a little while. 8 years and 3 kids later I now realize that of all my kids my Samuel in Heaven is the "safest". He is protected from all the corruption, pain and evil that this world would have for him. No I can't give him all the good things as well , like a mothers love...but I know that in Heaven he has every good thing this world has to offer and so very much more...more than we can imagine. Of all my children he is the only one I know for sure will be with me in eternity. The others first have to find their way through the deception and lies to find the truth. I pray for them every day and that God will romance their little hearts to himself.
Keep looking to God and taking all your hurt to Him. Your sons life was a gift and will not be wasted.

Travelwahine said...

In tears again, I don't know how often I've felt this very same sentiment. Ethan isn't here with us, but he is safe.

I remember telling my sister shortly after he died, that after all, every parent wants their child/children to get to the kingdom of God, and Ethan was already there. Our Lord, brought him there without him having to go through the journey of life, but he was there, in heaven.

Holding Isaac and your family close to my heart.