Saturday, October 18, 2008

A Letter to Isaac

This morning's service was beautiful, and we were blessed by the presence of so many family, friends, and even strangers. Thank you for sharing in both our joy and our sorrow as celebrated and honored Isaac's life.

Below is the letter I wrote to Isaac that we shared at this morning's service.

Dear Isaac,

I don’t know how to put into one letter everything I would want to tell you in a lifetime… but I want to try because Daddy and I love you so much. We are so proud of you.

From the moment we found out about you, Daddy and I were so excited to meet you. As you grew, I could feel all of your kicks and wiggles, especially when I would drink a fizzy Zazz or eat something sweet. I remember the first time Daddy could feel you kick, too. As you grew, I would feel you move in new places, and that made me so happy because I knew that you were growing and were full of life. I loved it. Some of the doctors we met with suggested that we let you go; but that was never an option for us. You are our child. We have loved you from the moment we found out about you, and wanted nothing more than to be your Mommy and Daddy and to shower you with as much love as one could possibly give in a lifetime.

I remember the day that Daddy and I chose on a name for you… Isaac Timothy. We chose the name Isaac for two reasons; first, because of the story of Abraham and Isaac in the Bible, and feeling as though we were being asked to take a large step of faith in entrusting you into God’s care; and secondly because Isaac means “he will laugh.” We both just loved the thought of you laughing with joy. We chose Timothy as your middle name because Timothy means “to honor God.” We knew that your life would be honoring to God, and we wanted your name to reflect that. The night we chose your name, Daddy made up a name certificate and we prayed as we named you… we couldn’t wait to tell people your name so that they could pray for you, too, and start to get to know you even more. We loved naming you because at that point, you became even more personal and we felt even more connected to you as your Mommy and Daddy.

While you were still in my tummy, every morning I would sit and write you a letter while playing you music. You really liked when I played Wonderful, Merciful Savior and How Deep the Father’s Love for Us. After the letter was finished, I would read it to you. On my way to work each morning, I would talk to you, telling you about the colors in the morning sky, or simply just how much I love you and how proud I am of you and to be your Mommy. Every night, Daddy would say good night to you… he told you how much he loves you and how proud he is of you, too. We wanted so much for you to hear our voices and know that it was your Mommy and Daddy who love you, Isaac. I hope that you heard us, and that in hearing us, you just felt so deeply loved.

Did you know that while you were in my tummy we took you all sorts of places? We went hiking at Sugarloaf Mountain and walked through the tree-lined path. On the Fourth of July we watched fireworks and listened to their big, loud “booms.” We took you to the beach and jumped waves with you in the ocean. You and I even sat on the beach in the early mornings and I would tell you all about the beautiful sunrise and the sounds the seagulls made. Over the summer after a big thunderstorm we would often see a rainbow; I wished so much that you could have seen them, too. I told you all about the beautiful colors and the way each one would stretch across the sky. Towards the end of the summer we went golfing with Daddy, and I know he was excited to share that with you. We went to weddings, and football games, on picnics, and to so many other places; yet there are still so many things Daddy and I would have loved to do with you. We just weren’t finished making memories with you yet.

October 7th was the greatest day of our lives. You were born at 8:33am; you weighed 4 pounds, 12 ounces, and were 17 ½ inches long. Not only did your body have weight, but your life has weight, and significance, and you matter. You still matter, sweet Isaac. You matter to the One who so uniquely created you. You matter to the people whose lives you have touched and who you have brought closer to Jesus. You matter to me and to Daddy; you will always be our first child and our son. We are so proud of you because you…your life… has made a such a difference, especially to us. The sixteen minutes you were with us were the sweetest sixteen minutes of our lives; and I am thankful to have had that time to whisper in your ear over and over again how much I love you… to have kissed your little nose and sweet cheeks, held your hand with all your perfect little fingers, and then to hold you for hours afterwards, just studying all of your perfect little features and seeing how beautiful you are.

Isaac, we miss you so much. My arms are heavy and ache with the emptiness of not being able to hold you and snuggle with you anymore. But, we are so thankful to have had the chance to meet you… to look at you and just take you all in; to look at your cute nose and realize it’s just like mine; to see how your toes are just like Daddy’s; to look at the details of your little hands and feet, and to be captivated by the beauty of who you are. You are the greatest miracle I have ever been a part of, sweet Isaac. We loved being able to kiss your soft little cheeks and little button nose, and to tell you over and over again how much we love you and how proud we are to be your Mommy and Daddy. We hope that you heard us every time we told you we love you, that you felt every squeeze, and hug, and kiss we gave you, and that we somehow managed to give you all the love of a lifetime in the time we had with you. The sixteen minutes we were able to share with you were the sweetest sixteen minutes of our lives.

We know that Heaven is the best place to be, and we long for the day when we will get to see you again. Please know that you hold the most special place in our hearts, and that we will never stop loving you.

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

30 comments:

~Kelli said...

It's a beautiful letter. I am glad the service went well. We are all still praying for your family. Best wishes.

Anonymous said...

Stacy and Spencer--The memorial was beautiful. We were so touched by your utter devotion to Isaac and to God. Stacy, I sent you an e mail with more of what we felt during that service. It was really powerful in many ways, and we thank you for allowing us to be there.

We will continue praying. I hope you and your family are finding some peace along the way. I have never attended a memorial which resonated with me on such a deep level. You were so full of grace, dignity, and love. I mourn for your empty arms. How I wish that was not the case.

You are so special, as is Spencer, and Isaac. We are always here for you. Love, Jill, Andy, Isa, and Mario

Kelly said...

This brings tears to my eyes...we walked this path nearly a year ago (Oct. 27th is when our 5 month old daughter Liberty passed away, her service was on Nov. 1st). I wanted you to know that we are praying for you and your husband. You guys are amazing. Isaac is amazing. And our God is amazing! I love the meaning behind Isaac's name..so precious, so beautiful. I wish I was there to give you a giant hug as I KNOW how much your heart hurts today. We will continue to pray for you guys. Please let us know if we can help in any way and feel free to write me anytime, day or night! I would love to sit and hear all about precious Isaac. God bless you!
In God's love,
Kelly

Courtney said...

That is beautiful Stacey and Spencer. You are so wonderful with words and so couragous. I continue to pray for your family that God comforts you in your time of need.

Jennifer said...

Stacy,
Awwwww, what a beautiful letter! Please know that even though we could not be there today, we were thinking and praying for you all!

Crystal said...

Beautiful letter Stacy. Thank you for sharing it.

Nestie Becoming_untied said...

Before I got to this page to leave you a comment I was thinking Beautiful! Beautiful! Beautiful! I guess I am not the only one as I look at the previous comments.

Stacy, thanks again for sharing this journey with the world. I am so sorry for the sorrow of the loss of Isaac, but I praise God for the impact your family's life has had on me and others.

I truly wish I could have been there with you all, but I was in spririt. My continued prayers with you all. Thank you again for sharing your beautiful heart full of love! I pray you can feel God's warmth and comfort sweet, sweet mommy!

Anonymous said...

a beautiful letter to your beautiful boy. Praying God's blessing and comfort for you and Spencer.

David said...

Thank you so much for sharing everything. You are truly a blessing

Karen said...

You are both so strong. And what strength you don't have, God is giving you. Though your arms are empty, Isaac is in God's arms. I pray for you regularly. God is still good...But you already know that.

Mary said...

I am so deeply touched by your letter. The love for your child is beautiful. God is watching over your family as you go through the grieving process. My prayers are with you.

Alison said...

That is a beautiful letter, Stacy. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.

Praying for you today!

Monica @ Writer Chic said...

Oh Stacy....you humble me. I am so glad today was a day of rejoicing in Isaac's life.

Delayna said...

So very beautiful. We'll continue to pray for you.

Anonymous said...

My heart is so heavy for both of you. I think of you so often even though we don't know each other. I am praying for you that God will continue to bless each of you, and ease your grieving.

Laura W. (Rocky Face, GA.)

Sara said...

My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you and your family. You are an inspiration to us all! God bless you and baby Isaac.

Amber said...

I just heard of your story and I wanted to share my deepest sympathies. My heart is broken for you. Your son is absolutly gorgeous and I am so sorry his life was cut so short.
Your faith in God through all of this is amazing. You are truly a woman to be looked up to. One day you will get to see your son again and hold him in your arms and watch him run the golden streets of heaven.

Connie Davis said...

Stacy,

Your site is beautiful. Isaac is beautiful. Your relationship with Spencer is beautiful. The love that you and Spencer have for Isaac and each other is beautiful. You are beautiful. Thank you again for sharing your story and feelings about your great loss. God bless!

Tif said...

Hi Stacy...
I reserved the first few minutes of every hour today to stop what I was doing a say a prayer for you. I'm certain God gave you the strength to celebrate Isaac's life with many of your family and friends. You will remain in my prayers as I know you will need Him in the days ahead.

It means so much that you’re willing to share your deepest thoughts with us to inspire so many to grow closer to Him. Your testimony is amazing and I’m in awe at your courage.

Your updated page looks beautiful! Your entries are so powerful but now visiting your site takes my breath away. Gorgeous… I’m amazed at Danielle’s talent.

sherri said...

I am so touched by your story and your strength. It can only come from God alone and I am so thankful that you let Him touch the world through you.

It is so amazing to me that you made him so much a part of your every day life, sharing the colors and beauty around you. I am at a loss for words to even tell you how beautiful that is.

I missed that Oct. 15 was a day of remembrance. I have had 2 miscarriages and our youngest child has down syndrome, he is now 15 and really the joy of our lives.

I guess I share that to say I can relate to your pain on many levels and yet I know that it really isn't the same...I never got to feel my two little ones even kick but we know that we will meet them one day. I didn't know them the way you knew Isaac. I don't minimize either of our own experiences in saying that, I just know they were different.

I thank you from the depths of my heart for sharing your journey and I want you to know that you have been on my heart many times and I have prayed for you. Thank you for loving Isaac the way you did and continue to do ... what a beautiful thing. I feel like I will never be the same and that is a good thing.

Sarah P said...

Your eloquence Stacy, is breathtaking. Your son is so blessed to have two such loving and devoted parents. Prayers and thoughts for you here, from Perth, Australia xxxxx

Caleb's Mom said...

This is absolutely beautiful! Thank you for sharing such an intimate letter to Isaac.

Baseballs and Tutu's said...

What a beautiful letter. My heart breaks for you and Spencer. I wish things were different and somehow I could change things...don't we all wish we were that powerful! You and Isaac will forever have made an impact on my life and I will continue to pray for you all!

Sandra said...

Thank you for allowing me to share in the beautiful memorial service for Isaac. It was awe-inspiring to see the wall of love surrounding you and your family.

I was struck by many things yesterday morning--the music that glorified God, the perfectly chosen passages of hope, and the utter devotion of your letter to your son. What resonated with me the most, however, was the Pastor's words to you and Spencer. He reminded you that Isaac's life shouldn't be measured solely by the sixteen minutes of his own life, but by the impact his short life made on hundreds of others. That kind of life is beautiful and rare, and is the best that a parent can wish for her child. In many ways, you and Spencer experienced the best and worst that parents can expect. When you are able, remember the best.

Open your Eyes... said...

A breath taking read among the tears and longing for Issacc to be back here with us. Your a beautiful Mom! X.

Stephanie said...

So beautiful. I wish I could have been there to celebrate such his beautiful life that has touched and changed SO MANY.

Anonymous said...

I was there in spirit. I lit a candle on Saturday in Isaac's honor. Thank you again for sharing all of this. Please know that you have touched many, many lives.

You are a blessing to all around you.

Cynthia

Kellye, Chad, Hayden, and Sebastian said...

Stacy and Spencer...you are beautiful. You could never know how you have touched my heart and my soul and ultimately brought me closer to Jesus and the Lord. I am a Christian, but am continually humbled by your steadfast faith. While I continue to seek ways to walk in faith, you have given me new purpose to walk anew each day. I pray for you daily that you will find comfort where comfort is needed and that when sorrow seems to overtake you, you serve as a beacon of light for me. A guide to share my love with the world. I also pray daily that one day, you will have countless moments to teach and share your boundless love with another child. Thank you for sharing your story with me...Isaac will never be forgotten.

Thank you for driving me closer to the Lord...

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry you are sad.
What a beautiful baby he is!
I am praying today for comfort to soothe your broken hearts.
For peace that passes all understanding to guard your heart.
I will bear your burden with you.
I will ask God to give me some of your grief today. This has to be too much for you to bear, and I wish I could change this for you.
Remain in Him.

BLOWL said...

Your letter is beautiful. It has brought tears to my eyes. I love the explanation of Isaac Timothy's name. It is perfect as is your son and your love for him and God.