Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Thank You

I feel as though there are a number of long over-due thank yous that I need to share...

Thank you to each of you who has so faithfully prayed and encouraged us. We still need and appreciate your prayers and encouragement, as this process is still incredibly difficult, painful, and just plain heavy. The words that you leave here and in e-mails to us have helped me to put my feet on the floor each morning... and some days that in itself is a major feat.

Thank you to our family for your unconditional love and support over what has been a very, very difficult year.

Thank you to the blog reader who left the beautiful bracelet for me at Isaac's memorial service. I have searched back through comments that have been left and e-mails looking for who you are, and for the life of me cannot find the message you have left. If you see this, please e-mail me because I would like to send a more personal thank you than just this "shout out" on my blog.

Thank you to those of you who have contibuted to the playground being built in honor of Isaac and for helping us to remember and honor him in this special way.

Thank you to Bill Millios for the beautiful pictures of Isaac and the wonderful slideshow.

Thank you to Danielle for the beautiful blog makeover.

No real updates to share, except that Spencer has returned to work. He runs a mentor club at his school, and there is one boy in particular with whom he has developed a strong rapport. Yesterday, this boy apologized to Spencer for not making it to Isaac's memorial service because he wanted to come, and said that he cried that day because he was just so sad about what happened. I thought it was sweet that a middle school-aged boy felt that way.

It has been difficult for me with Spencer having gone back to work; I really dislike anything feeling like it is going back to normal, mostly because I feel as though it's not how things "should" look. Regardless of what I am doing, thoughts about how different things should be always creep in. I remember straightening my hair on Sunday morning thinking to myself, "I shouldn't have the time to be doing this right now; I should be feeding Isaac, have spit up on my shirt, and should be trying to get him ready to get out the door... not have twenty minutes to spend on my hair." I know in time those kinds of thoughts and that "mind chatter," as a friend described it, will begin to subside, but right now it's very present and to be honest, very difficult.

Thank you for continuing to pray for us in what feels like a very lonley time, when the world just keeps on moving when it feels as though our world has been shattered. I know I have asked before for just continued prayers for comfort and peace, and for God's presence to be very real to us, but truthfully, I don't know what else to ask you to pray for. So thank you for continuing to pray for those things, for God to heal our hearts that feel so broken, and for Him to show us how to navigate this "new normal" in our life... what it means to be a family of three that to the world looks like a family of two; how to be parents to a dear child who we desperately wish was here with us but isn't; how to move forward while we miss our sweet Isaac so much; and how to somehow allow God's goodness and grace to radiate through our story.

44 comments:

Marci said...

Stacy,
I have suffered 2 miscarriages at the end of the 1st trimester and have 4 beautiful daughters now though I cant imagine the pain you feel I want you to know your day will come to be a mommy again. I have been following some of your blog and can tell your motherly instincts are great and you are ready for the challenge. I will keep you in my prayers. You are never alone. Always remember that..even complete strangers like me are always here to listen.
Love, Marci

Monica @ Writer Chic said...

Love you, Stac. Praying without ceasing. Still holding to the dream of our coffee date someday.

Amy said...

Stacy,

I am so sorry for the pain, and I so desperately wish I could say something that would touch the hurt you feel today. I want you to know though that your precious boy is not forgotten. I have shared your story with many and have your blog linked on mine. Your story has made me a better Mom. I know that sounds crazy, but I try harder to appreciate every moment with my kids...Even when they are being trying.
I am praying for you today and in the weeks and months ahead.
Amy

Kristin Ross said...

We're still praying, Stacy. I hope you can feel our prayers. Cannot wait to see you and Spencer on Friday. Its been too long.

Mrs. Spit said...

I struggled so when Mr. Spit went back to work. I was so lost and lonely.

Try to get out of the house every day, even if it's just to walk around the block. I would go to a local coffee shop to sit and knit. I was so thankful for women who came and sat next to me, and held my hand.

Still praying. This does get easier. Not better, but easier.

Amber Saltamachia said...

Stacy,
I pray for you every day! I would love to get together if you want...I'm just a little bit away in Alexandria. Also, I'm working on something for you...what is your favorite photo of Isaac or of you and Isaac??

Anonymous said...

They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint Isaiah 40:31

Thinking of you and praying.

Cynthia

Chatty said...

Isaac was here and he mattered, he had weight in this world, and he always will.

I'm continuing to pray for your healing. I think this must be the most awful pain a Mom can experience.

Julie said...

Continuing to hold you close in prayer. My heart is heavy for you. The "new normal" is a hard thing adjust to. Almost 5 years since my loss I sometimes wonder about this new normal of life.

I remember after the twins memorial service, my husband and I stopped to get something to eat. Neither one of us wanted to, but we hadn't been home in a few days and I think we were trying to delay getting back into our house without the babies. But at that moment sitting in the restaurant, I remember looking around and telling my husband how everyone around us had no clue we had just buried our children. Of course, we had no idea what was going on in their lives, but to me and my broken heart and very empty arms, it was a hard dose of reality.

I feel your pain and long to take it away. Be kind to yourself...as painful as it is you are getting through each day and doing it well. You really are. Isaac is so proud of his mommy and daddy.

Hugs and prayers always.

Abby, NY said...

Continuing to pray for you stacy and spencer. I know you do not know me or my family but you are in our thoughts and prayers everyday!

Kirsten said...

Sweet Stacy,

There is no doubt that God's goodness and grace is radiating through your story. And as much as I know the feeling of wanting time to stand still so you can feel closer to Isaac - this is one chapter of your life and Isaac's story. More people will be blessed by your families story, by Isaac's playgroud, and by your heart and example. Isaac's legacy continues.

Praying for you daily and sending you love, support and hugs.

Blessings,
Kirsten

Devon Rene said...

i just wanted you to know i am praying for you...its a hard thing trying to navigate what life looks like for you now. be good to yourself. be patient with yourself.

not only are you mourning the loss of your sweet boy but on top of that you are dealing with pregnancy hormones and healing from a major surgery.

just know you are not alone. i think of you daily and i wish i could say something to ease your burden but i know there are no words.

8 months later and i am still trying to figure it out...

hugs my sweet friend.

THE DARLSON'S said...

Hi Stacy,

I still continue to pray and think of you often. As I was reading Philippians chapter one. A verse stood out to me and I instantly thought of you. I don't know what it will mean to you but I wanted to share it. This is from The Message Bible when Paul is in Jail.

Everything happening to me in jail only serves to make Christ more accurately known, regardless of whether I live or die. They didn't shut me up; they gave me a pulpit! Alive, I am Christ's messenger; dead, I'm his bounty. Life versus even more life! I can't lose.

~ Meghan

Alexandra's Mommy said...

Stacy,
We thank you for allowing us to follow you and be apart of this time in your life. We are praying for you daily and thinking about you, Spencer and baby Isaac!!

Erin

Baseballs and Tutu's said...

Wish I could do something to make you feel alittle less pain. Just know that you are not alone in this and that your sweet precious Isaac will never be forgotten. I will always remember him and your story and he has forever made an impact on my life! Praying without rest!!!

Susan said...

You are still in my prayers. Just last night, while praying for MckMama, I prayed for you guys and talked to God about Baby Isaac. One day, we'll understand His plans for these very special babies. I can't fully understand your pain, but I know it is huge and you feel empty. Praise God that you have Him to comfort you. Can you imagine going through this and not knowing our Lord and Saviour? I can't fathom how that must feel- You will see Isaac again one day and what a glorious day that will be.

Still praying and never forgetting...

Susan in Indiana

FSD said...

Weeping endures for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5

Praying that your "nights" become fewer and fewer, and your "mornings" become more abundant.

Stacy, His goodness and grace is radiating, has radiated, and will continue to radiate through your story.

Praying for you,
Ricka

Anonymous said...

Stacy and Spencer,
I continue to read your blog and silently pray for your pain to ease and that the new normal in your life starts to take hold soon. You both seem so strong, so faithful... it is inspiring. My thoughts and prayers continue for you both.
Alicia

Dylan's Mom said...

Just know that even though this is your "new normal", you are not alone. You have so many people that you know and so many others that you don't know (including myself) keeping you guys in our thoughts and prayers daily. I know all about this "new normal" myself, and I have complete faith that time will heal our wounds.
Love, Katrina

grandmaof6 said...

Stacy,

I continue to pray for you and Spencer as you mourn your loss of Isaac. Sharing your story with us has affected many. Isaac won't be forgotten. You are never alone because you've touched so many lives that there will always be someone here to listen.

Huddle Girls said...

Stacy,

You do continue to be on my heart and mind each and every day. I pray for you daily. I too know the pain of losing a child and that you are getting out of bed each day and putting one foot in front of the other is a major feat. Give yourself credit for that. The thoughts that you find creeping in are very normal, it has been almost 6 months since Gavin passed away and I still have them. They will begin to become less frequent though. Please continue to be patient with yourself, God's healing isn't on a timetable. I think of you and sweet Issac every day.

Blessings,
Amanda

Anonymous said...

Dear Stacy, We continue to pray. The heaviness you are feeling along with that little birdy in the background chattering on about what "could have been" must be so hard. Although you may not feel it, God is already working through you by allowing you to show us that you continue to move forward, even through the biggest trial you will experience.

May peace and comfort surround you and your family. May you feel God's presence and soothing balm. And, one day when you are ready, it sounds like Monica G. and I may have to steal you away for that coffee...

Keep on keeping on. Lean on God, friends, us. And stay outta the "Cracked Claw"! Much love, Jill

romperroom said...

I've been following your blog for a while and wanted to let you know that we are still praying. Your story makes me hold my boys just a little bit tighter. I was just complaining the other day about always smelling like spit up and then I read your blog today and realized what the alternative is. You are living every parent's worst nightmare, to lose a child. Whether you are "prepared" or not, it still hurts. I wish I had the words to make you feel better, but they don't exist. Just know that I am praying and that you are not alone. We are holding you up and helping you carry your burden.

Hope Wilson said...

You are welcome...thank YOU for sharing this journey with us!

attorneymama said...

I follow your blog as I have been for months. I think of you every morning and hope that you find the strength to live each day to the fullest.

Sara

Kim said...

I am praying for you and Spencer. I think of you two daily.

Claire said...

Hi Stacy,

My mother went through something very similar with her first child, and went on to have two more (myself and my brother). I know these stories are not always helpful or encouraging, but believe that everything happens for a reason (God's will).

I believe the experience with my older brother David (similar to your Isaac) made my mother an amazing, incredibly strong person who became one of the best role models I've ever met in my life. She has faced hard times but always come through it with a joke and a smile.

I know God will have meant this experience for you, Spencer and Isaac to make you stronger, more faithful, or some other unknown.

Believe that it was out of our hands. Believe that you are a better person today than you were 9 months ago. Believe that you will be a better mother to your future child because of it.

Thinking of you in this hard time,
Claire

Anonymous said...

I pray for you and hope God can help you and your husband's hearts.

Kendra S-L said...

I really give thanks to God at the story of the young boy who is mentored by Spencer. Our world is so lacking in men who are willing to be tenderhearted and to SHOW that compassionate side, so I will praise God because He is using you in ways you may not feel you have the strength to bear, but in ways that aren't even evident to your eyes yet...for His greater glory. Blessings, Stacy.

AngelsAmid said...

Stacy- I just want you to know I'm praying for you and Spencer everyday. Anything that God can provide you, peace, healing, comfort I pray he gives you all He can. (huge hugs)

JackiJaguar said...

Continuing to pray for you and your family.

Jen said...

I had a "God moment" this morning on my way to work. I'm a teacher as well, and as I was driving I was suddenly reminded to pray for you as a song came on KLOVE(a Christian station you probably have too) I didn't know why I had been suddenly reminded to pray, but pray I did- for you as Spencer goes back to work, for Isaac, that he would be held closely in the Lord's hand (Isaac doesn't need my prayers for this since he's in perfect peace with the Lord always already, but I felt the need to talk to God about him, and for Spencer as he spent his first day back at work. So, I'm praying, and I kept thinking in the back of my mind, what song IS this? Well, it was "He Will Carry Me"...and then I thought of how a blog reader yesterday mentioned that He is still carrying you, and how that struck me...and oh, I got goosebumps and praised God for bringing you and Spencer and Isaac to the front of my mind in His perfect timing this morning! He IS carrying you- and I pray you feel His grasp so gently surrounding you with love that you too are overwhelmed with awareness of His presence.
I don't know you- but I can tell you that this teacher in Central California is praying and praying and praying for you!
BIG hugs and squeezes,
Jen

Nicole said...

Still thinking and praying for you! Hope your days continue to be filled with peace.
Love, Nicole

Laura said...

Praying...sending love.

Taylor said...

I know exactly what you mean... you almost hate sleeping a little late because you know that it shouldn't be that way. I'm still praying for you.

~Kelli said...

(((Hugs)))

Delayna said...

We will continue to pray for your family.

Marc and Megan said...

I came across your blog and just wanted to let you know that you're in my prayers. Your heartache and pain are very real and hit so close to home, as we lost our twin daughters in July. It has been such a hard road to travel. I feel like I've been in a fog for most of the last three months, but color is slowly coming back and moments of joy are becoming more common.

All my love and hugs to you, from one mother to another.
Megan

Marisha said...

Praying for you and your husband daily. I hope you realize what an inspiration you are to others. I can't imagine the pain, but I pray that God will be there to comfort you and give you peace. Isaac was so incredibly fortunate to have you and Spencer as parents. What love this little boy must have felt!

Anonymous said...

Stacy-
I have seen some of your messages on The Nest and I wish so badly that there was something I could do to help you thru this horrible time. You are a complete stranger to me, but my heart aches for you and I pray so often now (which I rarely did before) for some peace for you. If I cant do anything for you I thought maybe I would share what you have done for me. You and your amazing son have made me realize how important faith, love, and forgiveness are in my life...and how much they have been missing lately. I cant quite put it into words but your sweet baby has impacted me beyond anything I will ever be able to articulate. Just know that you have someone in MN that is constantly praying for peace for you and your family, and for this heavy load to be just a little bit easier to carry. If you ever need a complete stranger to vent to feel free to page me.
Kelly, KKM from the nest

Heather said...

Praying for you. Thank you for being so honest and humble.

Anonymous said...

Surely someone has shared this with you, on the off chance they have not:

Joy and Sorrow

Then a woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.
And he answered: Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit he very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for tht which has been your delight.

Rachel E. said...

Stacy,
Thank YOU for sharing sweet Isaac with us and for being so open about this journey with all its joys and challenges. It is so encouraging to me to see that kind of honesty with God, who knows our hearts anyway! You and Spencer are in my prayers.

Nicole said...

I continue to pray for you, your family, and sweet Isaac.