Tuesday, October 14, 2008

One week


I can't believe it has been one week since Isaac was born and went to be with Jesus. I miss him so much.

Lately, my whole concept of time has been completely altered... anticipating Isaac's birth in months, then weeks, then days, then hours... and now feeling as though the distance between today and when we met him is growing too long too quickly.While we were visiting Isaac's grave yesterday, I looked down and the temporary marker that's there and just studied it...

Isaac Timothy Delisle
October 7, 2008
Age: 16 minutes

Those words were just a dagger through my heart. Minutes. My son's life is measured in minutes. They were the sweetest 16 minutes of my life. That fact changes everything.

It makes me understand more clearly all of the scriptures that talk about our lives being but a vapor compared to eternity. In the past, that concept was too vast for me to wrap my mind around; now, to some degree, I understand. It makes it easier for me to distinguish the important from the unimportant, and seeing what truly matters. It helps me to understand when we are exhorted to "make the most of every opportunity..." because I think that time is something we often take for granted, seeing it as some sort of endless commodity, brushing important things aside thinking we'll get to them "later."

For us, there isn't "later." And it is a strange thing for parents to figure out how to say everything they'd want to say to their child in a lifetime in just a few short minutes... to hug them, kiss them, snuggle with them, and love them enough in 16 minutes to account for the years that will be missed. I am so thankful that, as some of you have shared with me, we were able to love Isaac his entire life... that the love we were able to give him was so raw, so deep, so pure, and so true. And I am thankful that we were able to just still hold him for hours later that day... to continue to snuggle with him, love him, and just take him all in.

Please continue to pray for us as we continue to navigate this uncharted territory... trying to understand how to grieve, dealing with so many conflicting emotions, and just really, really missing our son. We are grateful for all of your prayers and encouraging words.

79 comments:

Anonymous said...

Woman and a Fork
There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things 'in order,' she contacted her Pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes.
She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in.
Everything was in order and the Pastor was preparing to leave when the young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her.
'There's one more thing,' she said excitedly.
'What's that?' came the Pastor's reply.
'This is very important,' the young woman continued. 'I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand.'
The Pastor stood looking at the young woman, not knowing quite what to say.
That surprises you, doesn't it?' the young woman asked.
'Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request,' said the Pastor.
The young woman explained. 'My grandmother once told me this story, and from that time on I have always tried to pass along its message to those I love and those who are in need of encouragement. In all my years of attending socials and dinners, I always remember that=2 0when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, 'Keep your fork.' It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming...like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance!'
So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder 'What's with the fork?' Then I want you to tell them: 'Keep your fork, the best is yet to come.'
The Pastor's eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the young woman good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and knowledge. She KNEW that something better was coming.
At the funeral people were walking by the young woman's casket and they saw the cloak she was wearing and the fork placed in her right hand. Over and over, the Pastor heard the question, 'What's with the fork?' And over and over he smiled.
During his message, the Pastor told the people of the conve rsation he had with the young woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. He told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would
not be able to stop thinking about it either.
He was right. So the next time you reach down for your fork let it remind you, ever so gently, that the best is yet to come. Friends are a very rare jewel , indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed . They lend an ear, they share a word of praise , and they always want to open their hearts to us.
Show your friends how much you care. Remember to always be there for them, even when you need them more. For you never know when it may be their time to 'Keep your fork.'
Cherish the time you have , and the memories you share ...

Erin said...

You don't know me...but know that there are people hundreds and thousands of miles away from you praying for peace, for strength, for wisdom, and for an ease on your heart for the pain you are going through. You and your husband are so incredibly strong-and I cannot even begin to imagine all that you are going through.

You have my thoughts and prayers!

{{HUGS}}
Erin

Jessica mommy to Alex/ RTS said...

Thinking of you

Anonymous said...

I am at a complete and total loss for words. I wish I had the right words to say to ease your pain. I pray for you and Spencer every day. I pray for strength and I pray for peace. Please take care.

Jaci said...

I am thinking about you, and so sorry for your loss!

Ali said...

Stacy,
I lost my first baby to a very rare neural tube defect, anencephaly...the babies brain did not develop and he died during labor. The most encouraging thing for me when I lost my little Brian was to know that there were people praying for us. Also, to hear the word "sorry." No one can truly understand the pain you are feeling except for you. So for now, I am sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers.

Aunt Robin said...

I pray for you and Spencer to feel peace and tranquility as you adjust to the life without your son. I am sure that it is the most difficult thing to endure but you are remarkable in the strength of your faith- let it comfort you.
Love

Monica @ Writer Chic said...

Stacy, you are constantly on my heart. I so wish that we were close enough to join you this weekend, but I will continue to hope taht we can meet in April in Nashville and celebrate Isaac's life together then. Love and hugs, my friend.

Walking by Faith said...

Hi Stacey,
I've left a couple notes, and every since Angie mentioned your story and I came over I've been praying for you every day. I too am a stranger, but as a mommy I know of the raw,deep,pure,true love you mentioned...that is something special you will always keep...you never forget a love like that. Praying that God will shower you with peace & comfort today.

Psalm 61:2,"From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I."
~Heidi from TN

Anonymous said...

Still sending many thoughts and prayers your way. You will get through this...

boltefamily said...

There are just no words. I wish there were, but nothing anyone can say will mend your broken heart. I just want you to know my family is praying for you all!

Love,
Kristy

Nestie Becoming_untied said...

Crying with you and praying for you, Spencer and the rest of Isaac's family.

Kate said...

We are keeping you in our prayers.

Anonymous said...

Dear Stacy... I know your faith is strong and pure. And I know you are trusting His hand to guide you and protect you. But please consider seeing a grief counselor to help you navigate this unknown territory. It helps, more than you can possibly imagine. You can get a referral from your doctor, or you can get a referral in your area from my grief counselor - www.postpartumstress.com

They can direct you to someone in your area who specifically deals with losing a child.

Still praying for you all. I'm so sorry for your loss.

WendyCarole said...

Keeping you in my thoughts

Amber Saltamachia said...

Stacy,
You don't know me, but ever since I read about your story, I have been faithfully checking the blog. God has placed your family on my mind/heart so many times lately. I am praying for you. I want you to know you have a beautiful son. I rejoiced in his birth and cried with you in his death. I am so very sorry for yours and Spencer's loss.

hennhouse said...

Still praying.

Julie said...

Sending you many hugs, prayers and thoughts. I know the pain of grief after losing a child...especially in those early days. You are right - heavy is a good word to describe it and time really is irrelevent. Hold on to each other...let yourself feel what you feel, even if that is happy...it's all part of the process. You will get through...

"Hope is what happens as long as we breathe. For although it takes time, the sorrow will ease." Just keep breathing....

The Balsmeyer Family said...

You will continue to have my prayers. God bless you.

CIRCLE OF LIFE said...

I am so sorry for you loss I hope God grants you all strength to get through these up comming day .god bless michelle

Anonymous said...

Dear Stacy, You are being lifted up to the Lord, as well as Spencer, many, many times a day. I pray that God helps you use your emotions to find your way through what must be completely overwhelming, confusing, and sorrowful. I so wish you could have Isaac here with you--my heart hurts thinking about what you must be going through.

Please remember you are so loved, and even though that 16 minutes would not be enough for anyone, your Isaac's 16 minutes have changed the world.

I will continue to pray for a peaceful heart amidst the storm for you. Much love, Jill

Dixie said...

Beautiful, wise words. May you continue to hold on to them in the days to come. God bless you and keep you and may His peace surround you.

Robin Lynn said...

My heart is breaking for you. I read your posts with tears pouring out of my eyes. I am praying for you and your family. I am sorry for your loss, so very sorry. You are in our hearts. Your little boy is beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story. Your little boy is amazing.
Robin

B said...

Stacey (& Spencer), I lack the words as most people undoubtedly do. Kelly & I love you both so very much. My only thoughts and prayers are this: I hope and pray this experience ministers so powerful and moving truths to the people in your livs as you have allowed yourselves to shine your light for all men to see! I pray the Holy Spirit ministers truth to each one of us about how valuable & precious life is, and how important loving one another is every moment of every day! "The greatest of these is love..." how true that is! I pray this fosters a lasting change within each one of us to be a little more “responsibly irresponsible,” as Mark Batterson says in his book Wild Goose Chase, encouraging us to pursue Christlikeness with reckless abandon. I pray we have a heightened urgency about "saving lives" as we're surrounded with unbelievers that need hope! I pray we have a profound respect and gratitude for the lives Gods has given us…may we offer back to him a life that truly, truly pleases Him.
I want you both to know this: You make God smile! I know without a doubt He is immeasurably pleased with you, He is proud of you and will continue to hold you & your marriage in the grip of His grace!

Anonymous said...

continued prayer for you and spencer... cling to your faith, it will not fail you!

Connie Davis said...

Stacy,

You are right. We so often take things for granted, until they are gone from us. Thank you for helping us realize and thank you for sharing your story and feelings with us. I am so sorry for the loss of beautiful Isaac.

Connie Davis
Peyton Davis

Rev. Mindi said...

You and Spencer are on our prayer list and we will continue to pray for God's peace and comforting presence to be with you in this time.

Tracy said...

((hugs)) and prayers

Anonymous said...

I will be thinking about you on Saturday. Always praying for peace for you.

Sandys2girls said...

You have a beautiful baby boy in Heaven and I pray that God will give you all the peace that passes understanding through this very difficult time.
I lost my 13 year old cousin last year (he was just like a son to me) he passed away from a heart condition that we never even knew he had until after the fact. He was in his 2nd period civics class and he had cardiac arrest from a condition called Wolfe parkinson White Syndrome (WPW). None of us knew how this could possibly happen to such a sweet lovable boy but now we know that God only takes the very best to be with Him in Heaven! :) We all miss him so much and I know he will love your baby boy!
I am so sorry for your loss but I rejoice that your precious baby boy is in Gods loving arms!
God Bless you and your husband!
Love and prayers from Virginia,
Sandy
sandyhildenbrand@gmail.com

Stacy F. from Arkansas said...

Stacy,
I have been reading your blog and catching up on the story of your sweet Issac over the past couple of weeks. You are being prayed for in Arkansas...your faith is absolutely amazing and your testimony has touched me and had such an impact on me personally. I will continue lifting you and Spencer up. The Lord has already used your Issac in a powerful, meaningful way...what a precious child.
Stacy Featherston

Foreverloves said...

Many people said that to me - that my sons were loved for their whole lives, that they never truly had to suffer in this world as many do. My inlaws worked hard to be "the best grandparents those boys ever had for as long as they were here." So that part is true.

But know this: Your son still feels your love in the beyond. You still have a desire to be his mommy, and you can find ways to do that. I made friends, I put together a video, I have volunteered with infant loss groups as a way to continue to parent my little boys. I go to their grave once every week or so and I clean it up and bring flowers every time. That is the way I am their mommy. It is not the way I wanted to be, but that is what I have.

Your faith is stronger than mine ever was. I hope you can hold on to that.

Mandy said...

Oh Stacy. We don't know each other, but right now I wish I could just hug you. I looked at all the pictures and cried as I viewed each one. I just want you to know that there are people out there you love you all and are praying for you even though we'll most likely remain strangers 'till we meet on the other side of Heaven's gates. I keep thinking of the many other babies...like Luke & Audrey...welcoming Isaac home and running to their heavenly Father. Love & Prayers, Mandy

Anonymous said...

Dear Stacey and Spencer,

My wife and I pray for both of you daily and have watched your life very closely over the past months. You have opened up your life to so many people through this blog and I pray today that God will give you the strength to talk to the weak and the hurting, even as you yourself are hurting so deeply. I read a couple blogs connected to yours are realized that there are so many out there hurting with the same hurts you have today, but have no HOPE, no FAITH. Please continue to share your hearts with us, because you have no idea who is going to read this and that God will touch their heart in the process and they will come running to him, maybe he'll use you. Our prayers will continue til we meet in heaven!

Baseballs and Tutu's said...

I am still praying for both of you. I know that Isaac is looking down on you right now and loving you for everything you did for him! May God Bless you both!

Danielle Kinnamont said...

Stacy,
You don't know me, but I started reading your blog recently. I pray for you, your husband and your family daily. May God continue to give you the strength you need to take it one day at a time. You are loved.

Anonymous said...

Measure Issac's life in love, not minutes, Stacey.

Measure in love.

Anonymous said...

As I read your post, this song came to mind. No, it's not technically worship music, but I think it applies to Isaac's life and yours .... Seasons of Love from Rent ...

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure
A year in the life?

How about love?
How about love?
How about love? Measure in love

Seasons of love. Seasons of love

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes!
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Journeys to plan.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life
Of a woman or a man?

In truths that she learned,
Or in times that he cried.
In bridges he burned,
Or the way that she died.

It's time now to sing out,
Tho' the story never ends
Let's celebrate
Remember a year in the life of friends
Remember the love!
Remember the love!
Seasons of love!

Oh you got to got to
Remember the love!
You know that love is a gift from up above
Share love, give love spread love
Measure measure your life in love.

Huddle Girls said...

Stacy and Spencer,

I know just how hard these anniversaries are. You will continue to mark off each week and be amazed that time continues to pass you by. Hold tight to all of your memories of Issac. Know that although time is going on, you are not in fact any farther away from Issac. It will feel like you are getting farther and farther away and it has been so hard for me since losing Gavin, but Issac is always with you. You continue to be in my prayers.

Blessings,
Amanda

MamaSoon said...

My condolences for your loss. You've touched me as has Isaac.

Michelle said...

continuing to pray for you and your husband.

KK said...

Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you without ceasing. Praying for healing, peace of mind and strength. Please allow HIM to continue to carry you and your husband.
With His Love,
Kaye
Psalm 46:10

Anonymous said...

Stacy and Spencer,

You don't know me, I came to your blog from Larkin's Place. I have been keeping you in my prayers and hope you will find peace in the knowlege that Isaac (and you) have touched many hearts in the time you carried him under your heart and in the breif 16 minutes that he was on this earth. In sharing your journey you have shown incredible grace, courage and dignity, I know you have the strength to get through this time and you will continue to honor Isaac. Isaac was fortunate to know the strength of your love for him and I hope you are able to find comfort in the knowlege that he did know how much you love him. I will continue to keep you in my prayers.

Cara said...

Stacy, I blog about the concept of "time" alot. My perspective completly shifted after Emma's death, just as yours is now.

Please feel free to click over whenever you need. The most recent post is "Perfect Moment - Everyday?"

You are in my heart every moment these days. Your weeks are bleak, for now. xoxoxo

Laura said...

Thinking of you...so hard to see that the days continue to go by. You will never forget...I promise.
Praying for you. Sending love...

Nurse Heidi said...

Thank you for sharing your story. Your blog was sent to me by a friend. I, too, an a mommy of an angel baby who graced us with three hours of life. Those were the most wonderful, blissful three hours. The spirit in her little body was far bigger than I can describe.

In honor of our Elizabeth Jane, I created a website with information for other families facing a poor prenatal diagnosis or late pregnancy loss - www.angelbabiesinfo.com.

I'll add your blog to my infant bereavement sidebar list - you have much to offer.

Kellye, Chad, Hayden, and Sebastian said...

I don't know any words to put down to communicate to you what my heart cries for you and your family. As my tear drops splatter onto my desk, I am screaming at God to please wrap His arms around you so that you can feel His presence....always in my thoughts, prayers, and silence...

Kelsey said...

I am so sorry for your loss. My husband and I are praying, praying, praying that the God of all comfort would show Himself mightily to you.

AngelsAmid said...

Isaac's 16 minutes of life have had a HUGE impact on others. It's impacted my life. Every minute I'm currently pregnant I remind myself not to take this time for granted. When I start to want to whine I don't allow myself to take this time for granted. Isaac's life has taught me not to take anything for granted. I'm know I'm not the only one who has been impacted. His impact on the world is huge in the brief time he's here. I'm so proud of him. I'm still praying for you all everyday. Love, Krista

Maria (MKC101103) said...

You have shown your son more love in those 16 minutes than most have experienced in a lifetime. He is truly blessed and lucky to have you as his mother.

Anonymous said...

Still praying for you Stacy....
Jessica
San Leandro, CA

Anonymous said...

I have been struggling with the right words for you guys since I stumbled upon your story on The Nest. Sadly, I havent been able to come up with any amazing phrase, or magic passage that will make this any easier for you. Please just know that your sweet son Issac has touched more lives than you will ever know. I have never met your amazing family, nor probably never will but I think of you daily. The love, courage, and unending faith you have shown have affected me to my core. I wish I was better able to write exactly what I feel in my heart, but please know that Issacs life was bigger than minutes, days or even years.

Anonymous said...

Dear Stacy, saying an evening prayer for you right now, that you might have some comfort. Much love, Jill

Jen said...

Has it really been a week?! Yes, it really has. Oh my goodness Stacy. If the time is flying for me, I can only imagine how it is fleeting, and plodding along at the same time for you.

Precious dear, in those 16 beautiful, sacred minutes you were closer to heaven than any of us mere mortals can imagine. Not that I envy your position, and my heart is heavy that you had that encounter, but oh, the joy that you know first hand the loving, gentle grace of our Father God in such a tangible way. You will be different now, and not in the awful way you think you will. There will be a radiance in your face that goes with the depth in your eye that only a few women can fathom... and it is the radiance of Christ that has consecrated your womanhood into something magnificent.

God loves you so very, very much Stacy. He is so proud of you. You brought, and continue to bring Him so much glory.

Merrie said...

I just found you through "Bring the Rain." I am so sorry for the loss you're dealing with -- something no parent should have to suffer. I am so glad your faith in Jesus is your stronghold -- I don't know what we'd do without that. God bless you both as you go through all of this, and remember how many of us are praying for you and for Isaac.

Anonymous said...

beautiful and perfect is your love for Isaac as is His love for you both. this message is especially for Spencer...your love for Isaac and Stacey has touched the heart of my husband in ways that I can't describe. he is a more patient and understanding father to our son than he has ever been. he is more accepting of the gift of being a husband and father. Spencer, you're not as represented in many messages, but i wanted to let you know i am forever grateful for you and your story, as is my four year old boy.

may He continue to comfort you and guide you through this difficult time.

Haute Cooking said...

Hi Stacy,
I have been thinking of you a lot lately. I don't have the words to really express what is going through my head and I can't say anything that will comfort you during this time, but just know that Issac touched a lot of people. How many others do you know who only spent 16 minutes on earth and reached out to and touched so many lives. Wishing you and Spencer all the best.

Me Online said...

Stacy, I'm not going to pretend that I know what you are going through, because I don't. I'm so sorry for your loss. One time I heard a mother that had lost her child state that she was still his mother and that now it was her job to "mother" his memory. I thought about that for a long time. I thought of a friend of mine that now mothers the memory of her child and all the many that have been brought to Christ through him and through her. We enjoy talking about him with love and joy for his life. I believe that one day you will get to this place. They say that people have their "15 minutes of fame". Isaac had 16 spectacular minutes of love and now an eternity. He is so far ahead of all of us. Love and prayers to you.

Anonymous said...

My thoughts are with you.
Sending you prayers of peace and faith.

Em
Australia

Anonymous said...

Little Isaac made more of an impact in his 16 short minutes of life than most people make in a lifetime!! Continue to stay strong-your family is constantly in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so glad that you got that time to hold, kiss & love your son...although the time was too short, I'm sure the memories will get you through, and be enough to last a lifetime.....hugs.

Jess said...

Praying for you in Lima, OH.

Stephanie said...

You are on my heart so much. I pray that you are not overwhelmed by grief and that God's light would illuminate your darkness.
Isaac is one of the most loved little babies I have ever known.
I am just so sorry that he could not stay with you longer.

Anonymous said...

I am on staff at a church in VA and we prayed for your family today at staff prayer.

Kathlyn said...

I came to your blog from another blogger. I have read most of your journey and your words and strength have left me with tears running down my face. You are an amazingly strong woman and I can only pray that I can someday feel the strength that you and your husband posess.

Isaac was truly loved from the minute of his conception and that comes through in your words. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Jen said...

Checking back in to say, I'm still praying, and still aching for you. In 9 months, and 16 minutes, your little boy has changed the world.

May God be so close you feel Him whisper how proud He is of you and Spencer.

You both amaze me.

In Him,

Jen in central california

Mommy said...

My heart breaks for you an your husband, but I know God is around you and is "carrying' you right now, you are never never alone. I am praying for you and thinking of you.

Krystal said...

We do not know each other, but I am praying for you and your family. Praying that our Heavenly Father will wrap his loving arms around you and comfort you during this time as only He can.

Krystal in TX

pollykinz said...

You are such strong and amazing people, I know you will find your way through this difficult maze of emotions. I continue to pray for you every day.

mom2addi said...

I do not know you and you do not know me. You may have this link already but I feel God is telling me to send it to you. Tomorrow, October 15 is National Day of Remembrance for infant loss. I learned of this from Angie Smith's blog. She lossed a child from a miscarriage and then lossed another child minutes after Audrey Caroline was born. She is a wonderful christian woman, her husband Todd sings with Selah. I feel as if I know her because I am an avid fan of her blog, I learn so much from it and have shared many laughs with woman across the country. She lives in Nashville, TN and I'm a merely 2hrs from her in Chattanooga. Please visit her blog and I will be praying for her, you and all the many mothers who have lossed their children.

amydc said...

Continued prayers for you & your entire family.

Kelly said...

You inspire me to make the most of every day I have with my son. Thank you for your beautiful words.

Peace.

Karly Anderson-Davis said...

Stacy- I know I don't know you, but my sister-in-law put your blog up on her page and asked that we pray for you and your family...
I will hold you and your husband close to my heart and will request prayer from our church out here in Texas as well. I just had my second son 5 mos ago, so I am not going to pretend I understand what you're going through. All I know is it really helped me with understanding the importance of Love. Love for my boys and love for Jesus Christ. Thank You... Angel on Isaac's Pillow from me and my boys.

Anonymous said...

I pray for you guys everyday. I am so amazed at your faith and reliance on God. Your story has touched me so deeply.
Love in Christ,
Sarah

Susan said...

Saying a prayer for you tonight~

Erika said...

Stacy, I have been really thinking about you & praying every time I do.
Love in Him, Erika

Aaron and Kristen said...

Stacy,
Your heart in the midst of turmoil amazes me. May God pour out a double portion of mercy and tenderness on you today.

We lost our third child, Sam, at 14 weeks on March 31, 2008 due to unexplained reasons. His little heart just stopped beating.

Our candle tonight will be in honor of your beautiful Isaac, and all of our angel babies enjoying the presence of the Lord in Heaven today.

Blessings,
Kristen

Molly said...

I just keep thinking . . . 16 minutes. How terrible and yet how beautiful at the same time. I'm so very sorry for your loss and I just said a prayer for you and your angel that God continues to be with you during this time of hurting. I am going to go hug my son extra hard. Please know that your words made a difference in the way that I will love him.

Carmen said...

I am so sorry for your loss.

Kaycee said...

Hi there. I just found your blog(i hope it's okay to comment)

Your story is so touching and humbling. I'll lift your family up in prayer as you make your way back to work.