I can't believe it has been one week since Isaac was born and went to be with Jesus. I miss him so much.
Lately, my whole concept of time has been completely altered... anticipating Isaac's birth in months, then weeks, then days, then hours... and now feeling as though the distance between today and when we met him is growing too long too quickly.While we were visiting Isaac's grave yesterday, I looked down and the temporary marker that's there and just studied it...
Those words were just a dagger through my heart. Minutes. My son's life is measured in minutes. They were the sweetest 16 minutes of my life. That fact changes everything.
It makes me understand more clearly all of the scriptures that talk about our lives being but a vapor compared to eternity. In the past, that concept was too vast for me to wrap my mind around; now, to some degree, I understand. It makes it easier for me to distinguish the important from the unimportant, and seeing what truly matters. It helps me to understand when we are exhorted to "make the most of every opportunity..." because I think that time is something we often take for granted, seeing it as some sort of endless commodity, brushing important things aside thinking we'll get to them "later."
For us, there isn't "later." And it is a strange thing for parents to figure out how to say everything they'd want to say to their child in a lifetime in just a few short minutes... to hug them, kiss them, snuggle with them, and love them enough in 16 minutes to account for the years that will be missed. I am so thankful that, as some of you have shared with me, we were able to love Isaac his entire life... that the love we were able to give him was so raw, so deep, so pure, and so true. And I am thankful that we were able to just still hold him for hours later that day... to continue to snuggle with him, love him, and just take him all in.
Please continue to pray for us as we continue to navigate this uncharted territory... trying to understand how to grieve, dealing with so many conflicting emotions, and just really, really missing our son. We are grateful for all of your prayers and encouraging words.